If I got obsessed with another Aspie, I might come to love h

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....having AS!

I've been thinking deeply about this. I am obsessed with bus-drivers, and there is a woman bus-driver who I speak to, and sometimes I wonder if she's on the spectrum. I have my doubts though, since she is chatty to the passengers, often comes out with a friendly joke, and lots of passengers are familiar with her and like to stand and chat to her (then again, she is in her 50s and maybe has learnt over the years about social interaction). But she still seems quite Aspie-ish to me, because I talk to her now too and I find I can relate to her a lot of the time. She suffers with anxiety (gets in a panic if something goes unexpectedly wrong), has noticeable speech issues (talks too slow, has trouble pronouncing words with too many syllables), has been on her own for over 30 years because she loves it that way and had always found relationships really difficult, I've often heard her repeating herself a lot of times, and she can sometimes be self-centered and gets the hump with her colleagues over things what she knows aren't their fault (I've actually seen it happen, and one of the other bus-drivers have said that she gets all worked up over silly little things). The last 8 words you have just read describe me exactly.

I'm just thinking, if I definately knew she was an Aspie, or even suffered some other condition that makes her socially awkward and/or anxious, then I think that would help me become more acceptant of who I am. She is part of the bus company that I'm obsessed with, and a colleague of some of the men I fancy, so therefore she is part of my obsession (not crush, I don't swing that way!), so in a way knowing a person I'm obsessed with is an Aspie might help me feel more happy about myself, if that makes sense. Everybody knows the types of Aspies who get obsessed over people love to become like those people, so it's the same with me here. I don't like to ask her whether she has it or not in case she doesn't like talking about it by bringing the name up (because I don't really), and again I might be wrong, she might not have anything wrong at all, but to me it feels like she's on the spectrum, even just something like PDD-NOS. The only doubts I have is that she chats quite good to the passengers, and shouts down the bus if somebody is doing something wrong or if she wants to ask the passengers something. But I suppose Aspies do talk, and that Aspies can hide their AS when talking to customers (I know I can), so just because she's like that doesn't mean she isn't socially awkward in other ways.

Does anyone agree with the ''having an obsession over a possible Aspie could help in becoming more acceptant of having AS'' idea? Or does it just sound stupid, like most of things I write here?

Theres you saying it might sound stupid what you wrote, and theres me thinking your idea sounds very interesting.

Its made me think too. My autistic brother has a sort of friend at his school who has obsessions over really extroverted Nts who live high social lives, and the more she wants/tries to become like them, the more depressed she gets, and gets into a bit of a state because she cant be like them or be accepted by them. Sometimes I wonder if she was obsessed with other aspies she might be happier and more able either to become like them, or even be accepted by them.

I suppose to an aspie person a special interest is important to them, and being declined by the special interest (especially if its over certain people) it can be soul-destroying. The woman busdriver you're describing could be aspie or could have some other condition or could even just have anxiety but may still accept you. Remember, like you said, not all people on the spectrum has notictable AS when interacting in general, she could still have something but may not noticeable when just interacting with passengers. Plus you mentioned she's a lot older than you, so perhaps she's picked up on lots of different social cues on her way through her life, and learnt from plenty of mistakes, just like you're doing now.

I just hope you have found something that might help you feel happier about yourself.

I dunno, off the top of my head, I've know about.... 3-4 adults in real life with definite Aspergers. Like known personally. Out of them, only one has what I'd call a successful life. It doesn't give me a hell of a lot of hope, that I seem to have only a 20% chance of success, and 80% chance of failure. The one that's super successful has a 170 IQ (way smarter than me) perfect awesome photographic memory, and was a record setting powerlifter and a good college football player. So his sheer strength and intellect makes people overlooks the flaws. The rest have pretty loserish lives. My uncle for example, lived for many years in a shack in upstate New York without running water ala Ted Kazynski with his family, never saw anyone else, and had like 3 hours of power a day from a generator. He graduated valedictorian in high school, had a BA in engineering, but never got any good jobs from it, and yeah. So, I don't know, I can't say I feel very hopeful about Aspergers/NVLD at all.