Tips for improving it?

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Since us aspies have got poor social skills is learning too improve them very hard or not?

I do not find learning social skills much harder than learning anything else......I am sure I could write an accurate essay on social skills. It's applying them to social situations that is the problem for me, or there are some things I simply cannot do even if I understand why to do them or how.

I find that if I prep myself for the situation before hand I do ok. A work party or when I know I have to go somewhere where I am going to meet someone new. I prep myself on what conversations to talk about, remind myself not to talk to long, or not to interupt. I do much better. But when I find myself in a situation that I didn't prep for, I fail miserably. So the more learning and preping I do, the better. Just like any skill you learn.

I guess just practice practice practice. Yes it sounds cliche but your gonna make a billion mistakes and feel bad about what you did and then improve slowly and gradually over time. Probably reading some books about making friends and socializing helps, as well as trying to put yourself out there. And what was mentioned above, prepping extensively probably helps for some. For me, it doesnt really cause I tend to trip myself out way too much when I overthink things so I try not to. I generally try to have just a degree of awareness of the social situation Im walking into, get there and go with it.

sounds like your socializing pretty well

I have the same dilema. I'm just hoping that there's a kind of formula, but when ever I seem to find one it changes!

Sorry I can't help more!

Hmm if only it was that simple for me......my whole issue is I can read and practice social skills all I want but when I am actually in a social situation I can't really put it to use. I mean I don't lack eye contact because I don't know to make eye contact, I've learned it is normal and most people find it odd if one does not make eye contact.......but I still can't do it makes me too uncomfortable and hard to focus on what is being said.

Then of course I don't really even know how to keep track of my body language or anything...half the time I am not even aware of what sort of body language I am giving off let alone if its the right kind or not.

A lot of it comes naturally if you can relax. I just try to remember a simple couple rules and let it flow naturally. After a while you kinda just don't think about it (a lot like driving a car or riding a bike, you do it without thinking about it). You just try to remember a couple points you realize you don't do well and maybe think about it (don't plan it out, just be aware) and ad lib it as you go.

^ I like this advice. I would just work on one or two things for awhile and then add to your skill set over time. I'm amazed by how good people get in just a few years. Some very young people fool me into thinking they're NT. I would start with eye contact, because that is often the most uncomfortable thing to have to do.

A lot of people look at the eyes, then somewhere else on the face, then away, away somewhere else, back at the eyes, and so on, in a routine. You can even count.

Another fundamental thing I would work on early on is voice. I was listening to someone who is passing as NT the other day and although no one else can tell that he has ASD (and I am keeping his secret), I noticed that as he continued to talk about some very fascinating things, everyone in the room (including me) struggled to focus on what he was saying. He was speaking in a mild monotone, slightly low in volume. Something he did that helped was he moved his hands for emphasis when he talked. Something I wished he did was make those hand movements more meaningful, like if he was talking about something increasing he could have moved his hand up, for example.

But to give you encouragement, this man I'm talking about is very important and people who have worked with him for 20 years have no idea he's any different from them. He's an expert in his area, he's married, has a family, and makes a whole lot of money. So these are not things that will hold you back.