Old friends, new experiences

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I was hanging out with my old friends last night and was insulted for giving an opinion.

As half my friends became 'intoxicated' via alcohol (something I didnt because, well, read the rest), deeper discussions broke out. Seems to be the time NT's want to do battle. I was called a 'coward' for not standing up for myself in a "fake" fight scenario. Oh ya, the scenario was 'picking a fight' then 'standing up for yourself' but I was labeled a coward for stating 'you're dumb as hell to start a fight.'

So, we end up outside smoking some pot, something I enjoy and will do. The issue turns onto my friends relationship. He has broken up with this girl 3 times, ran to 2 others during some of those 'break ups' and they now see a counsellor. Everyone in the group thinks their relationship is basically BS, which, it is. He stated how 'we dont know everything.' This is a fair comment but we ALL hang out like a family - while we may not be there every minute, some people in my circle of friends hang out with them 5-6 times a week NOT to mention that fact we've known both of them for a number of years.

After trying to explain the seeing a counsellor is fruitless, especially after 3 "normal" (according to him) healthy break ups, my opinion was discounted: "Look at you, who the hell are you to say anything, you can't even get a girlfriend."

Wow, I was shocked. This is when someone I didnt hang out with a lot (but spoke to online almost everyday) said 'Why would you insult him? All he did was speak the truth.' I realized this person is extremely honest and loyal and best of all, truthful. He is also extremely great with words and was the guy doing the talking for me. Another friend (closer to my personality) agreed with that comment.

Regardless, the fellow who said this. If he knew that his 'passionate' insultive "joke" was "funny" because it's 'true' then maybe he wouldnt have said it, if he was truely my "best friend." He thinks it makes him better but he fails to step foot into my shoes, he fails to wear my shoes, experience the 25 years of solitude I've had, he wouldn't last 5 seconds (in fact, I know he wouldnt as per his last 'break up' with this girl). Is this funny anymore? Ignorant drunk.

This is why I love alcohol - it makes people utter a**holes - and I dont mean 'truth telling' a**hole, I mean 'lying, insulting' a**hole. The REAL a**hole. I listened to a few people call this 'truth teller' an a**hole when I KNOW they agree with every word he says!! ! I HATE THAT!! !

Are people clueless to their own actions? I was getting into a mode of questioning everyone there. The more they insulted the truth the more my 'respect' for them declined. I'm seeing the 'truth' in everything, from nationality to BS christmas holidays, I'm finding myself increasingly more alone with each discovery. I'm not depressed over this, but I want to know why the truth is something people don't want - why are the meditative practices right? Why do people live in disillusion? Why do they live in lies? Is it because the truth brings an element of responsibility?

I have gone through similar revelations about people that I counted as friends, and you do have a point, there, about the truth and responsibility. I have never been able to figure out why the majority of NT's that I have met are so quick to lie, and then not own it. Maybe there is unwanted responsibility inherent in telling the truth. Maybe it's like saying "I love you" to someone, which lots of people shy away from, because it implies commitment and responsibility. So your friend may be secretly weirded out at your ability to embrace solitude. I've had this reaction, too. How can you stay alone so many years? There must be something WRONG with you! It all goes back to truth. You are probably true to yourself, in that you won't accept some cheap, BS relationship just to show everyone you aren't alone. IMO, stick to who you are, and remain true to yourself.

WOW! Where did you find so many strange people? I agree that truth brings with it a call to accountability. It also obliviates all social masks. My experience is that NT's gather veritable wearhouses full of them. They wear so many at a given time that they become like onions; always another layer concealed beneath. As AS people, we aren't good at this social mask thing. Masks are uncomfortable (plus they clutter up your space!) Your use of truth elicited a typical NT in a mask response; a pre-emptive attack! Social masks are tools facilitating denial, projection and a host of other distortions. The rule apparently is, 'I'll believe your mask is real if you'll believe mine is.' Thus, two people can BS eachother and buy eachothers' crap. Use truth to tear away the guise & the person retreats behind yet another mask in his collection; your friend hid behind his 'cool' rude smart-ass mask (currently tres en vogue!).As an As person, when I'm in a social situation, I have a prepared script of appropriate and expected responses whose validity I no longer torture myself over. Depending on who I'm expected to be (friendly guest, affable colleague, chatty suburban mom etc.) I stick to the script. It includes info like making appropriate eye-contact (I HATE being eye-balled or touched!) not recoiling from a casual 'friendly' pat on the arm (GET IT OFF OF ME!! !) and responding with sensitivity to stuff I don't care about; 'Aunt Edna's souffle sank? How awful! What did she serve her guests? Maybe she has a slow oven?' you can't say;'Who the heck is aunt Edna and why should her souffle matter to me?' This social mask thing is like performing a minute waltz backwards at double time! What I don't get is why the heck you need 'fake friends' who are 'real drunks' who set up 'false fights' while wearing masks?!? GO HOME! Read a book, do a puzzle,draw,paint, better yet immerse yourself in something you find fascinating that no NT's are likely to bother you about (I don't know; become fluent in medieval Swahili! Fascinating, I'm sure; and guaranteed to repel fake people who drink to avoid truth!) We AS people are naturally able to abide our own company. NT's often need therapy in order to bear being alone, being who they truly are and letting go of all their false personas! We find all the masks unbearable. I prefer our predicament! You can also check into this and other sites to feel less isolated-if in fact you feel isolated at all. Good Luck!

No, I dont feel isolated, and back in my new city, I am pretty much alone outside of work. Although, the only thing I truely "want" is a girlfriend, however, a girl that could "keep up with me" is hard to find. Normally, girls would tell me that (well, I assume) in regards to the amount of physical activity they do and the amount of bar crawling they do. Instead, they'd have to keep up with me both spiritually (preferably) and intellectually.

I dont mind my friends drinking - they are old friends and only a few actually drank. Its the personal attacks that bother me. As well, I'm very loyal (not blindly, though) and my spirituality states its best to be the best to others, even when they aren't (just know when to say when is all).

I guess I came home and didn't know what to expect. The expression 'Nothing has changed, nothings the same' comes to mind or 'Everybody's changing and I dont feel the same.' I've felt like right now is an 'end' and that my new city is a 'beginning.' Maybe I'm a bit afraid of what that entails?

Whats happened to me lately seems similar to what 'Buddha' experienced on his personal quest.