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Asking people if they are friends

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Stalk
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28 Oct 2012, 4:22 pm

I went to a meetup.com gathering and I asked 2 members there if they were friends. One turned to me and said that was something private.
I asked a while after another member mentioned (in front of them) that these two get along well. I thought I pick up where he left off.
Was I really rude or were they making a joke? Is it really socially unacceptable to ask if people are friends at these gatherings?

I'm confused.



dyingofpoetry
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28 Oct 2012, 4:59 pm

Stalk wrote:
I went to a meetup.com gathering and I asked 2 members there if they were friends. One turned to me and said that was something private.
I asked a while after another member mentioned (in front of them) that these two get along well. I thought I pick up where he left off.
Was I really rude or were they making a joke? Is it really socially unacceptable to ask if people are friends at these gatherings?

I'm confused.


I would be happy if someone asked me if I was his or her friend. It's something good for us all to know. There is nothing wrong with asking or being asked.


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eric76
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28 Oct 2012, 7:22 pm

Stalk wrote:
I went to a meetup.com gathering and I asked 2 members there if they were friends. One turned to me and said that was something private.
I asked a while after another member mentioned (in front of them) that these two get along well. I thought I pick up where he left off.
Was I really rude or were they making a joke? Is it really socially unacceptable to ask if people are friends at these gatherings?

I'm confused.


They likely objected to your prying into something that they saw as being none of your business. People may not care if their mutual acquaintances know that they are friends with each other, but may strongly object to complete strangers asking. Plus, if they are busy with each other then they may not have welcomed the intrusion at all.



Stargazer43
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28 Oct 2012, 9:37 pm

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking that...seems like a perfectly reasonable question to me.



Stalk
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29 Oct 2012, 7:36 am

eric76 wrote:
Stalk wrote:
I went to a meetup.com gathering and I asked 2 members there if they were friends. One turned to me and said that was something private.
I asked a while after another member mentioned (in front of them) that these two get along well. I thought I pick up where he left off.
Was I really rude or were they making a joke? Is it really socially unacceptable to ask if people are friends at these gatherings?

I'm confused.


They likely objected to your prying into something that they saw as being none of your business. People may not care if their mutual acquaintances know that they are friends with each other, but may strongly object to complete strangers asking. Plus, if they are busy with each other then they may not have welcomed the intrusion at all.


So there is nothing I can do then?



anneurysm
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30 Oct 2012, 2:02 pm

Stalk wrote:
eric76 wrote:
Stalk wrote:
I went to a meetup.com gathering and I asked 2 members there if they were friends. One turned to me and said that was something private.
I asked a while after another member mentioned (in front of them) that these two get along well. I thought I pick up where he left off.
Was I really rude or were they making a joke? Is it really socially unacceptable to ask if people are friends at these gatherings?

I'm confused.


They likely objected to your prying into something that they saw as being none of your business. People may not care if their mutual acquaintances know that they are friends with each other, but may strongly object to complete strangers asking. Plus, if they are busy with each other then they may not have welcomed the intrusion at all.


So there is nothing I can do then?


You can apologize the next time you see them: say that at the time you didn't realize this was intrusive. As a general rule, it's good to only say things like this if you've been talking with these people for quite a while or know them as acquaintances.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.