One sided conversations

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28 Oct 2012, 6:03 pm

Often when I am having a conversation with someone whether it is a woman or man it is one sided. I am the one asking all the questions.

I speak articulately, clearly, and often make the other person smile or laugh.

However, they never ask anything about me?

Are they just not interested? I can be told the truth. I just want to know why. The people seem to like me.

eric76
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28 Oct 2012, 7:17 pm

KevinLA wrote:

Maybe they are being polite. Some people don't like to ask questions that they may think are a bit personal.

There are many things that I might wonder about but will never ask. My assumption is that if you want me to know, then you'll tell me.

justkillingtime
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28 Oct 2012, 9:12 pm

My daughter has had this experience for years. I think sometimes it saddens her. I thought maybe there are many people who are preoccupied with what is going on in their lives and are not curious about the other person. She said she frequently feels like a therapist.

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VAGraduateStudent
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28 Oct 2012, 9:23 pm

Most likely you're not speaking in the right way for the other person. Deborah Tannen has a book about this that I like to recommend. If I remember right, it's called "You Just Don't Understand: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships." You may be speaking too quickly or too slowly the other person (or too loud, too soft, whatever) and so they don't feel comfortable asking questions in return because they don't know when it's their turn to talk. It happens to lots of people, not just people on the spectrum. Whenever you have people with differing conversation styles it happens.

It could also be that the other person isn't interested in you/the topic. This doesn't mean it's your fault. They could be busy, or jerks, or just not feel comfortable/knowledgeable about the topic. But more likely it's the style. This is VERY common.

I would advise watching how these people behave when they talk to other people and then see if there's a pace, volume or tone to the conversation with the other person that you could mimic. Then you'd be able to speak to them in the way that makes them feel comfortable.

BMctav
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29 Oct 2012, 5:02 am

KevinLA wrote:

However, they never ask anything about me?

Are they just not interested? I can be told the truth. I just want to know why. The people seem to like me.

It could be that they are shy and/or a bit introverted.

KevinLA
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29 Oct 2012, 9:47 am

VAGraduateStudent wrote:

Most likely you're not speaking in the right way for the other person. Deborah Tannen has a book about this that I like to recommend. If I remember right, it's called "You Just Don't Understand: How Conversational Style Makes or Breaks Relationships." You may be speaking too quickly or too slowly the other person (or too loud, too soft, whatever) and so they don't feel comfortable asking questions in return because they don't know when it's their turn to talk. It happens to lots of people, not just people on the spectrum. Whenever you have people with differing conversation styles it happens.

It could also be that the other person isn't interested in you/the topic. This doesn't mean it's your fault. They could be busy, or jerks, or just not feel comfortable/knowledgeable about the topic. But more likely it's the style. This is VERY common.

I would advise watching how these people behave when they talk to other people and then see if there's a pace, volume or tone to the conversation with the other person that you could mimic. Then you'd be able to speak to them in the way that makes them feel comfortable.

I am convinced it is this.

I do notice I do speak more clearly, at a louder tone of voice, and articulately than other people.

However, how can speaking clearly and articulately be wrong?

I will pick up the book. Good reviews on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Thats-What-Meant- ... ewpoints=1

billiscool
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31 Oct 2012, 10:40 pm

KevinLA wrote:

ha sound like me. Yeah for me when i talk to young women (19-21) I mostly do all the talking.
When I talk to older women (30+) then it 50/50.
When talking to men. Alot of the time the men do most of the talking.

MrObvious
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02 Nov 2012, 3:43 pm

Do you ask one worded questions? Open questions about them may allow them to a) talk more than two seconds at a time, and b) give them a chance to change to some topic they like.

SpiderJeruz
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03 Nov 2012, 2:39 am

do to my severe ADHD I find that I'm often the one making the conversation one-sided. I tend to go on and on about myself without giving the other talker any space to inject their thoughts. It's something I need to work on.

roccoslife
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03 Nov 2012, 4:30 pm

I hate this too, nothing is worse than dealing with someone who doesnt even have the courtesy to fake an interest in whats happening in your life. Especailly if that person is constantly talking about the things that are happening to them and expecting you to be reassuring. Its really emotionally draining.

Most of the time the other person has no idea what he or she is like though. Maybe try telling them.

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League_Girl
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03 Nov 2012, 4:43 pm

I thought it's actually us who are supposed to be one sided and the other person is doing all the talking and we don't ask them anything in return.

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KevinLA
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03 Nov 2012, 5:48 pm

MrObvious wrote:

Do you ask one worded questions? Open questions about them may allow them to a) talk more than two seconds at a time, and b) give them a chance to change to some topic they like.

I overcame those obstacles.

I am pretty sure it might be how I speak.

Although I will say, I was at a bar the other day and met a couple who was a lot more receptive to me.

MrObvious
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04 Nov 2012, 2:21 pm

How much do you talk in the conversation? *insert two ears one mouth comment here*

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