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1000Knives
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10 Nov 2012, 4:58 am

These are the things I do. Most days (5 days a week) I go ice skating or to the gym, alone. I have a few acquaintances there, but nobody I talk to outside of those activities. Skating I have like one acquaintance my age I see infrequently, and a few people 50+. Gym, nobody I really talk to frequently. Church, one person I talk to on the phone on average once every one or two weeks. After church there's coffee hour and I talk to some people there. I have 3-4 friends I talk to regularly from high school, one about once a day, 2 about 3-4x a week, one maybe once a week. One I talk to most frequently I see once every 2 weeks approx, 3-4x a week talk to friend I see maybe once every 1.5 weeks. Once a week friend I see like every 3-4 months. 3 good online friends that I've had for years (since middle school,) one that I met in person before. Talk to them about daily. No job currently (hopefully will change), no school either, not been in school since 2007 (I'm afraid almost six years out of high school will be a shock if I ever get to college.) Lastly, I moved to a new town a few years ago and never really made friends here, all my remaining friends are 7-10 miles away in my old town.

So is this like a really bad lonely situation? What exactly is a "healthy" social life? Part of what makes me shy away from making more friends is like, I find it easy to make friends because on some level I'm extroverted, and am not "naturally" shy. But people get annoyed/think I'm super weird once they get to know me. That and I had an experience with a large social group with my old church, and it was simply too draining, both on my social reserves, and like, time and money. I was pretty much "out" with people 5/7 nights of the week, way too much for me. Things like, say, going out to eat with friends, it costs money, gas, and time. From an economic standpoint, doing things solitary costs less, usually.

I don't really know how I feel about this. On one hand, I sorta want more of a social life (and people complain I don't have enough of one,) but on the other, the sort of rejection I get and sheer work involved is too much.



BTDT
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10 Nov 2012, 6:29 am

I suggest getting a job. For many people, interaction with customers and co-workers is a big part of their social life--which is missing because you are out of school/work. A job will also help in the cost issue involved with socializing. Also, workplace interactions tend to be easier to learn--I think Temple Grandin has a book on workplace relationships.



yellowtamarin
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10 Nov 2012, 6:53 am

It sounds fairly rich to me, for an aspie at least. Because you are not working, it would feel like you have a lot of spare time where you are not socialising. If you had a full-time job, this amount of socialising sounds about right to me, in terms of filling your time. But there isn't really a "right amount", you just go with what is right for you.

People complain that you don't have enough of a social life? Why would they do that, does it affect them?



thewhitrbbit
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10 Nov 2012, 10:20 am

A healthy social life is what makes you happy.

Only you can answer that.



PTSmorrow
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10 Nov 2012, 1:10 pm

You have more contacts than I had all my life, but that's a matter of personal requirements and I don't think there are generally binding rules. Just do what feels right for you.