I don't know what my issue is.

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I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 10 or so. I'm 18 now, and until recently thought I did a good job of blending in with the NT crowd and maintaining friendships. However, I recently started at university, and now I'm questioning everything I thought about myself before. I've realized that I seem to be driving people away, and I have no idea why or how to stop it.

My other major issue at the moment is of a less social nature. I have been fortunate enough to avoid major personal losses, but recently a middle school friend of mine ended his own life, and the day after I received a call from my parents informing me that a grandparent had died. That was a week ago, and since then I've realized that I don't know how to grieve. I feel this sense of tension and loss, but none of the "steps" common is psychological literature seem to apply. I don't seem to be making any progress moving on and I don't know what to do.

If anyone has some unique insights, I would be most appreciative.

In regards to making friends and keeping them, your guess is as good as mine.

In regards to grieving, everyone grieves differently. My grandmother (who was basically my mother for my formative years) just passed away this February and I'm still not fully done grieving, and I doubt I will ever be.

That being said, I am very sorry for your loss.

Thank you for your sentiments. I am just worried by the lack of change in my attitude towards the losses. I'm afraid that I am simply ignoring the grief because I lack a natural mechanism to deal with it.

As for friends, I'll keep analyzing myself and others until I figure it out.

When I make a comment about something, people burst out laughing. But when I try to make a joke, which I have given plenty of time to think about, I offend people.

Do you experience it that way?

That isn't really my problem now, but I remember working through it years ago. I wish I could isolate my issue, but right now I have no idea what exactly I'm doing wrong.

Out of curiosity, was humor part of a larger issue for you?

For a few, sometimes ignoring it, or setting it aside during daily life, is part of how one deals. Not saying it's healthy, but at least in my case nothing else more ... "outward" [1] ... provides significant relief anyway for me. And the previous time never seems to help much with the next time.

[1] Examples: acting out; making scenes; quiet time to reminisce; writing letters to the deceased or survivors that can't/won't be sent or received.

It could be, I'm not sure my self.

As for grief, I think what would affect me the most is the untimeliness of a death. A grandparent who lived a full life doesn't trigger a big sense of grief from me. Especially since both my grandmothers and basically wished for death and were ready to go.

Otherwise, I did have one high school friend commit suicide, but that caused more feelings of confusion then grief. Mostly because I didn't see that kind of action coming from him at all.

Now suppose a personal contact met an untimely end because they were killed by foolish negligence like a drunk driver hitting them, then I might feel grief along with a personal sense of wanting justice served against such a drunk driver.

Just an update, I'm making slow progress socially, but dealing with loss is still a dead-end.

Perhaps it's because the losses occurred so close together.

Do you think you are bottling it up and it will all come out later? Or is it really a case of feeling nothing?

I think I must be repressing it. I do feel immense emotion, but unlike most people, I haven't progressed any further than simply feeling loss. I haven't cried or really reacted in any way.

I must be repressing it. I feel strong emotion, but it hasn't manifested itself in any behavior or even crying. That's why I feel like I must be missing some fundamental emotional skill.

My dad kept telling me I should see a psychiatrist because he believed I bottled everything up to explode much, much later on anybody that was close enough to push me over the edge by doing the smallest thing. Either that or I go and hide somewhere.