OK, this is going to be weird, but I have an "ex-"friend who will be around me at Christmas. This fellow openly broke my trust and I watched him do it to others. Being observant, I pick up on it faster then others so many haven't caught onto his 'betrayal,' so to speak, OR they refuse to except it - whatever.
Anyways, I returned home for Christmas and will be around my old friends. This fellow has stated, openly, that he wants to call a 'truce' and that he will feel uncomfortable around me.
Just so you know, this fellow has spent the last 7-8 months in his basement doing NOTHING. He is depressed and refuses to seek anyone's advice. He spends most his time stating that 'I am right' and that 'everyone else is wrong.' He is basically 'blaming the world' for the current troubles he faces and just trust me, he isnt 'right' on this. In short, he is absolutely miserable to be around and makes things 'uncomfortable' for others (my friends sister agrees as does my 'neuro' science friend (who is actually going to study autism, coincidentally)).
The thing is, up until I left, he was getting involved in matters he shouldnt have. Long story short, he got in between my best friend and his girlfriend. He gave 'advice' to the girlfriend. Eventually, my best friend and his girlfriend split up, albeit temporarily (2-3 weeks). This fellow often knew things about the girl that my best friend hadnt even heard. During this break up time, this fellow set my best friend up with his sister (my best friend normally goes after sex, especially after a break up - we ALL know this). Anyways, 2 weeks go by and my best friend and his girlfriend get back together. This fellow blamed my best friend for 'breaking up with his sister' (2 week relationship after the guy just ended a 3 year one) and he is STILL pissed off at the guys girlfriend. He blames everyone but himself. He got in the middle when he shouldnt have, HE set my best friend up with his sister knowing the who the guy is. Blame blame blame. The rest of us stayed out of it - the most any of us did was 'listen' but offered nothing. Although I have insufficient information, I think he had a hidden agenda in that he 'liked' my friends girlfriend but I do not place this as a thought I push around to others.
As well, he blatantly broke MY trust this summer when I told him 'Don't tell such and such this' and within the next day or 2, 'such and such' said this fellow told her EVERYTHING. He not only broke my trust, but did so WORD for bloody word after 1-2 days! As well, he went after a girl I liked (scored with then dumped), which my other aspie friends and I agree is a 'no-no' as it can cause friends to not trust one another - hence my last sentence of my last paragraph.
He often doesnt speak up when we decide to do things, then we start 'our night' he whines and complains that no one listens to him and he never gets to put input (keeping in mind, we DIRECTLY ask people how they feel - my friends are EXTREMELY open minded - I'm aspie, I've 2 friends that are a bit aspie or extremely introverted (not shy), another friend who is ADD and most likely aspie, and an NT friend who excepts us all and love how we are so "screwed" up).
I've thought that maybe this fellow is aspie, himself, but I discount it. Everytime I think of 'why' he could be, I find a reason he 'isn't.' So, I chalk it up to anxiety and depression.
Either way, he wants a truce and I cannot provide that to him. Once you break my trust, you're pretty much finished. Pencils DONT have erasers. But, lets humour him and say I would except it. He has NOT changed any of his ways since I left 'the farm' during the summer; he is the same person.
What should I do? This friday, our "leader" (I consider myself the man behind the man) is going to a party. I invited the remaining 'friends' over to a 3rd parties house for a night of movies or discussion. This 'fellow' will be left out. Reason being is he WILL be uncomfortable which will make ME uncomfortable which will make OTHERS share that feeling (as they've now gotten stuck in the middle). As well, if I do invite him, I'm doing it because I 'feel sorry for him' and not because I want to hang out with him.
Any suggestions? The last thing I want to do is divide my friends, but he is already on thin ice with some. He has a history of losing friends at a fast rate. I can't be peoples friends for the sake that 'they cant keep' them, especially when all he does is blame us for things. This isn't the same as 'aspie can't make friends.' He does not help himself, and, as an extremely independent person, I cannot tolerate that weakness of unstability in 'self.' I would LOVE to offer suggestions of HOW to beat it - I did, myself. I've had nights where I dropped to my knees in depression and begged for helped to god. I spent a lot of time in self discipline and meditation fixing my problems because I feel, as an independent person, only I could help myself. I dont think asking for help is wrong, at all, I just dont like asking for help so I learned to deal with life the best way I knew imaginable (and natural). I'd like to offer this help but he won't take it, he won't listen, I know he won't.
Any suggestions? Like I said, I dont care if he joins 'the gang' but on some nights, where 'the gang' is depleted, I wont want him there if he is just going to toss around some form of guilt trip. I dont know how to say 'dude, relax' and for him to actually do that.
20 Dec 2006, 2:34 pm
