Called arrogant for not talking much

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Unfortuantely I struggle with this. It's hard sometimes for me to express how I feel especially in words, I seem normal in certain situations, but there are windows of vulnerability where I get thrown off. It's as if I am blind-sided and it may have to do with mild cognitive impairment. Sometimes I forget if I placed my backpack on one side or the other, and I get disoriented while figuring it out. I have spatial deficits as well, where I'll go into a tunnel vision and I have to follow a certain path repeatedly, even though there are many other ways to get there. I can deal with change, but again, there are windows of vulnerability where it's tough to move on.

I was diagnosed at a young age with Asperger's disorder as well as developmental delay. Coupled with a few cognitive deficits, I seem to function normally now, although my life skills are still slow in progress. I have about 29 Asperger's traits, which are all very mild, and I'm sure NTs have a few traits here are there. I would like to add that if you knew me face to face, you would not believe I had this disorder one bit. I appear normal and pick up on social cues, nuances, and empathize without trouble. It's just that I have these quirks that crop up in certain situations with certain people, mainly people who are insecure. I'm sensitive to weaknesses in others, and they can easily throw me off, putting me in a vulnerable state.

Generally, when people call you 'aloof' or 'arrogant' because of your perceived or actual social inertness, they mean 'unapproachable', and they're making and placing a subjective value judgement without actually realising that what they are saying boils down to a more objective and value-neutral statement of fact, which could be expressed as: "I find it personally difficult to know how to approach you."

Generally, when people make derogatory remarks like this, their statements are fuelled by a self-centred annoyance at their perception of having been 'rebuffed' by you (which is frequently founded on some trivial incident in which you did not respond to them as they had anticipated), which they have allowed to expand into something approaching a personal grudge.

I've had this before, and the most constructive response I've found is to say: "Why do you think that?"

If they can answer it at all, they will sometimes set out the circumstances that led to their adoption of that perception, and this can then be addressed (either with reference to AS or without, as appropriate).

My own parents decided that I was 'aloof' when I was in my early teens, because of my failure to socialise with and make friends among my peers at a new school. I was having a hard time adjusting to (what was for me) a major social upheaval and an unmetabolisable change of circumstances, and was generally either afraid of or indifferent to my fellow pupils.

But in my parents' eyes, this was not expected behaviour. A critical phrase that was often directed at me by my mother during this period was: "You cannot live your life in splendid isolation," as if I snobbishly regarded the pupils at my new school as somehow 'beneath' me. Nothing could have been further from the truth, I would have dearly loved to make new friends, but simply didn't know how. A few teachers also formed similar opinions, and I was called 'arrogant' by more than one of them.

Looking back with the self-knowledge imparted by my diagnosis, I think I actually did rather well to keep my head above water in a new situation and to merely cope with events and circumstances beyond my control and their negative impacts upon me.

yep, if are the type that doesn't talk much, they think "oh that person must not like me"

I have been thought of as stuck up for not talking much and people have said "don't you like me?"

I don't talk much, I find it difficult doing small talk. this has led to some treating me like I am stupid.

Most of the people I've worked with in the past probably assume that I'm a psychopath. My supervisors love me because I show up and do what has to be done, but none of the other staff members want anything to do with me.

The place I'm at right now is pretty good though, and people are fairly friendly with me. I'm still a fifth wheel, but at least they don't think I'm dangerous now.