Was I wrong in this situation?

Post Reply New Topic

I am 41 now. This happened when I was 16. I still wonder whether I was wrong in this situation.

My friend was 14. He was going to junior prom. He asked me to give him and his date a ride to the prom. I was
being asked to be a chauffeur. I was not going. I didn't even go to his school.

I really did not want to do it because I felt this was too much to ask and I was being taken advantage of.

I told him no. He persisted. I told him I would do it for $40 which was a lot at the time. I didn't think he would
take me up on the offer. He did.

1) Was it too much to ask of a friend?
2) Should I have felt I was being taken advantage of?
3) Was it wrong to task for that amount of money?
4) Was I being selfish by not doing it as a favor?

Last edited by KevinLA on 24 Dec 2012, 12:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I knew I wouldn't do it; but you got $40 out of it. I call it a wash.

These type of things are always difficult to answer with any sort of accuracy without being present at the time.

I think the best way to tell is if your the only one they ask to perform friendship "duties" and whether that's the only thing they ask of you. My friends ask me for a lift and they also ask amongst each other for lifts, so I wouldn't consider it taking advantage. There also comes a time when I will ask to return the favor.

Personally if I considered him a real friend, I would have given him and his date a ride for free, just because it's the nice thing to do, even if I weren't going. That said, it's not worth dwelling over 25 years in the future. I can barely remember what I had for breakfast, much less what I did when I was 16.

He was asking you to perform a service, not for your company, so it was reasonable for you to expect to be compensated.

I would have. I wouldn't have done it at all.

No.

No.

I wouldn't spend a lot of time puzzling about this unless the event has a present-day impact.

I appreciate the responses.

I am not consumed with it. I just want to know whether I was wrong in the situation.

Kind of a learning experience.

Were you going to the event/was it on the way to somewhere you were going? If so then you should have done it for free.
If it was the only reason for going out/you were out of your way then they were basically using you as a taxi, so I think it was fair to ask for the money.

1) Too much for him to ask of a friend that they might give a ride? No, it's perfectly fine for him to ask you if you'll do that...once. He did cross over a line a bit perhaps by persisting but we don't the full story from his side - he may have had no other options and was desperate (part of me believes this is the case since he couldn't find someone else willing to driving that wouldn't want $40 for it.

2) This is a tough call. Yes, it was a big thing for him to ask you to do, but friends do favours for each other all the time. The one respect in which you may have been taken advantage of is that he may have figured if he pestered you hard enough you'd eventually cave and say yes.

3) No. You stated the price that you were willing to do it for. In fact, what you did by naming such a high price is not uncommon - I know people that have done it. If a company is given the opportunity to bid on a job that they don't actually really want to do, they'll name an exorbitantly high price that they figure has no chance of being the lowest bid. Then, it's a win-win for them: either they don't get stuck with a job they don't want, or they make enough money on the job that it becomes worth the hassle.

It's a free market - you have every right to name whatever price you like. The price may seem high at first, but factor in gas, wear and tear on the car, and your time, and it adds up.

4) No - unless he'd done something similar for you (which since he was 14, I doubt). If he had given you a ride somewhere another time for free, and then you wanted to charge him $40 this time, that would be selfish. Or even if he'd done a bunch of other unrelated favours for you without asking anything in return. It is not selfish to ask to be compensated for your effort - it only becomes selfish if you expect a free ride when you're looking for a favour.

This.

Many people have used me either for free food, for free ride and for freebies in everyway

Instead of charging him you could have made excuse of stomache or headache
that way you would have come across nice person

Mostly NT's are good with excuses

Bro, i don't know if you made the wrong choice or the right one, but if you are still living in the past, you need to get out ASAP. you will never live life to the fullest if you still continue to dwell in the past.

KevinLA, I do not think you were asking for too much. He was asking a lot from you, but not too much, except that he should've offered you money in the first place rather than you have to ask him. If you had said you did not feel comfortable instead, that would've been okay too. I think this was totally your call. I'm sure it's hard because you're afraid there is a "right" and a "wrong". In this case, I don't think there really is a right or a wrong. It just really depends on how you feel about your friendship and in what direction(s) it can and can't go in (same with him too.) He felt he could've asked you this question, so he did.

If you're still friends with this person, and if you're really good friends with him, you could probably ask him about this type of stuff and see how he answers. If he's willing to give you answers without laughing at you and will give you time to listen to your concerns at some point, he is most likely a great friend that is not worth losing.

I've got a similar story except that I got offered money and felt really offended because I thought friends don't pay each other and therefor though they didn't think of me as that good of a friend. And in your situation, especially with it being another school (I wouldn't have done it if I was going to the same school, going to the dance with or without a date or not at all) and to a dance I would have been honoured by the question and would have suited up with a cap and everything as a "chauffeur" and would have gotten romantic music to play and maybe gotten like earmuffs as stand in sound proof glass wall, talked in a french accent and talked to my friend and his date with mylord/mylady.. yeah I would have loved that haha. Anyway if my friend had shoved some money in my pocket after dropping them off or maybe the next day in a "here take this" way I would have accepted it, but nothing would be perfectly fine too. (not if he went like.. "soo how much do I owe you..." or "so hey did you want any money for that")

So I don't know, I suppose it depends on how your relationship normally was, did you guys always pay (back) each other for stuff like coffee and a sandwich somewhere or gas money when driving somewhere? (although with gas money I suppose it depends on how much you drive.. 15 miles is the average driving distance here so it isn't a lot).
My personal opinion is that the difference in money should disappear in friendships by inviting each other on stuff your paygrade pretty much and accepting you'll pay more or less than the other without holding it against each other. But I also sort of know that's an ideal and not realistic and the reason why people are pretty much only friends with people their own money range. So make of my info what you will.

Opinion from my family member with AS, who is a 36 year old man: You should have given your friend and his date a ride and just asked for gas money, but it's not a big deal now because that was a long time ago. He says he doesn't see this as an AS thing, but rather as a being young and not knowing how to be considerate thing.

Opinion from me, and I am an NT 35 year old woman: You should have given your friend and his date a ride and then he would have owed you a favor. Gas didn't cost much of anything back then. It just would have been a boring night for you. Also, you should have understood that for a 14 year old, not being able to drive was a big deal and that's why he kept pestering you. I understand why you're still thinking about it. Most adults with AS think back over social situations from the past because now with years of social experience they can understand things that used to be confusing.