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Mitrovah
Deinonychus
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20 Jan 2013, 4:30 pm

I have a theory about group socializing which I Would like input on,
I have this idea that people congregate around people like themselves in order to feel normal. Why people seek out other people who share all their ideas beliefs philosophies etc. If they are in situation where they are not in tune with others then they feel out of place and strange and want to avoid that feeling as much as possible. Christians want to be with other christian and so forth. Essentially the goal is to feel normal. So people like us are not the only ones who face this dilemma of fitting and feeling normal. A person who wants to be around others like him or her is a way to feel vindicated in their beliefs and to avoid the threat of the power or challenge of another social group. so in a sense every group of friends is a microcosm of a certain different set of cultural and social mores and so forth. What is different between autistic people and NT is the perhaps the degree of flexibility and lack of adaption that comes easily to NT. NT are willing to change themselves in a sense in order to better fit a particular group structure that they decided is the best for their well being. Not to sound like cliche feel good rallying cry but in a sense we are different due to a certain dedication to our uniqueness who we are without pretension or willingness to be diplomatic.



Last edited by Mitrovah on 20 Jan 2013, 9:31 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Tahitiii
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20 Jan 2013, 5:13 pm

That sounds as good as any. Better than most.



alleng
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20 Jan 2013, 9:26 pm

You are right about this, but another factor is the extremely conformist society we are living in. Although all the NTs believe themselves to be individuals, they are actually group-thinkers and this is getting worse, what with political correctness and so on. This makes it harder and harder for those who can't or won't adapt to their ways.

If I compare how people are now to how they were when I was a boy, there is no doubt that the elderly when I was a boy had a greater range of personalities. Most of the people I know today are pretty much interchangeable. They will all believe the same feel-good nonsense, they all think democracy is a wonder, they all run out and buy the latest Apple products, etc. etc. They may be right, but who knows for sure? All through the wonder of being raised in a bath of mass-marketing! We are the losers in all this.

G



anneurysm
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21 Jan 2013, 2:42 pm

alleng wrote:
You are right about this, but another factor is the extremely conformist society we are living in. Although all the NTs believe themselves to be individuals, they are actually group-thinkers and this is getting worse, what with political correctness and so on. This makes it harder and harder for those who can't or won't adapt to their ways.

If I compare how people are now to how they were when I was a boy, there is no doubt that the elderly when I was a boy had a greater range of personalities. Most of the people I know today are pretty much interchangeable. They will all believe the same feel-good nonsense, they all think democracy is a wonder, they all run out and buy the latest Apple products, etc. etc. They may be right, but who knows for sure? All through the wonder of being raised in a bath of mass-marketing! We are the losers in all this.

G


Totally agreed: I see this happen all the time and it annoys me, because there seems to me no place for me (who likes to challenge these notions at times) to really fit in. More than anything, I want a steady and close group of friends, but I hate how the people I mainly run into do things like rave over the latest smartphone without questioning how it was made or who was exploited in order for it to get into their hands. People in general don't question most aspects of society, yet I have been doing this since elementary school. I consider myself liberal, but sometimes, I am extremely left-wing on some issues, and it's hard to find people who feel the same way.

I hate groupthink.


_________________
I am an anomaly. Diagnosed with borderline,"tentative" Aspergers at 7 as the school board required me to have a label in order to receive special education services. I did not fit criteria for ASD but that was the closest label that fit my behaviour at the time.

My longtime psychiatrist has confirmed that I do not qualify for an ASD diagnosis (but have traits & OCD-like traits).

Mostly keeping a distance from ASD-related things (including WP).


Mitrovah
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21 Jan 2013, 2:51 pm

anneurysm wrote:
alleng wrote:
You are right about this, but another factor is the extremely conformist society we are living in. Although all the NTs believe themselves to be individuals, they are actually group-thinkers and this is getting worse, what with political correctness and so on. This makes it harder and harder for those who can't or won't adapt to their ways.

If I compare how people are now to how they were when I was a boy, there is no doubt that the elderly when I was a boy had a greater range of personalities. Most of the people I know today are pretty much interchangeable. They will all believe the same feel-good nonsense, they all think democracy is a wonder, they all run out and buy the latest Apple products, etc. etc. They may be right, but who knows for sure? All through the wonder of being raised in a bath of mass-marketing! We are the losers in all this.

G


Totally agreed: I see this happen all the time and it annoys me, because there seems to me no place for me (who likes to challenge these notions at times) to really fit in. More than anything, I want a steady and close group of friends, but I hate how the people I mainly run into do things like rave over the latest smartphone without questioning how it was made or who was exploited in order for it to get into their hands. People in general don't question most aspects of society, yet I have been doing this since elementary school. I

I hate groupthink.



Well The problem with me is that there are things I would agree with a conservative and there are things I would agree with a liberal. Yeah finding "Real friends" is hard to come by. I always find myself too crazy for normal people, who of course have one or two idiosyncrasies, but I can't stand being with people who are too, not enough pills on this earth, crazy for me. the people i want to hang out with don't want to hang out with me but the people i don't want to hang out with want to hang out with me. That is the catch 22 if I fall in with the crazy crowd im going to bored and miserable and soon become crazy myself but I cant seem to break into a normal crowd. I don't know why people almost seem to take an instant disliking to me even when I haven't even said anything yet, just being there seems to turn people off.



anneurysm
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21 Jan 2013, 3:45 pm

Mitrovah wrote:
anneurysm wrote:
alleng wrote:
You are right about this, but another factor is the extremely conformist society we are living in. Although all the NTs believe themselves to be individuals, they are actually group-thinkers and this is getting worse, what with political correctness and so on. This makes it harder and harder for those who can't or won't adapt to their ways.

If I compare how people are now to how they were when I was a boy, there is no doubt that the elderly when I was a boy had a greater range of personalities. Most of the people I know today are pretty much interchangeable. They will all believe the same feel-good nonsense, they all think democracy is a wonder, they all run out and buy the latest Apple products, etc. etc. They may be right, but who knows for sure? All through the wonder of being raised in a bath of mass-marketing! We are the losers in all this.

G


Totally agreed: I see this happen all the time and it annoys me, because there seems to me no place for me (who likes to challenge these notions at times) to really fit in. More than anything, I want a steady and close group of friends, but I hate how the people I mainly run into do things like rave over the latest smartphone without questioning how it was made or who was exploited in order for it to get into their hands. People in general don't question most aspects of society, yet I have been doing this since elementary school. I

I hate groupthink.



Well The problem with me is that there are things I would agree with a conservative and there are things I would agree with a liberal. Yeah finding "Real friends" is hard to come by. I always find myself too crazy for normal people, who of course have one or two idiosyncrasies, but I can't stand being with people who are too, not enough pills on this earth, crazy for me. the people i want to hang out with don't want to hang out with me but the people i don't want to hang out with want to hang out with me. That is the catch 22 if I fall in with the crazy crowd im going to bored and miserable and soon become crazy myself but I cant seem to break into a normal crowd. I don't know why people almost seem to take an instant disliking to me even when I haven't even said anything yet, just being there seems to turn people off.


I think I totally get what you're saying here in that it's really impossible to find a group that is, at the very least, accepting of your views but not totally outlandish or extreme in their views. This ties into the idea of groupthink: you're afraid they will drag you down with them and get you to conform to views that you may not necessarily agree with.

I also don't like getting involved with certain groups because of that very reason: in that I feel that people in these groups take very extreme positions that I don't necessarily agree with all the way. For example, I am a vegetarian and I care about animal welfare, but I don't like getting involved with animal rights groups because they often like to force their views onto people who won't change their minds. I'm also into some Eastern/New Age thinking/beliefs but many people I meet who like these take them to the extreme and practice Reiki/do cleanses/other weird crap. I think people should believe what they want to believe, and not succumb to everything a belief holds, but integrate parts of it into their own lifestyle. With groupthink, I sense a "if you don't agree with everything we're talking about, you don't belong here" mentality.

This is why I think people in general need to be more accepting of people who may see things a little bit differently: I know a few people who do this, and I am lucky to have them in my life, but I find most people pretty intolerant.

As for the thing you mentioned about people taking an instant disliking to you, it could be your body language. People, unfortunately, come to instant conclusions about things like that.


_________________
I am an anomaly. Diagnosed with borderline,"tentative" Aspergers at 7 as the school board required me to have a label in order to receive special education services. I did not fit criteria for ASD but that was the closest label that fit my behaviour at the time.

My longtime psychiatrist has confirmed that I do not qualify for an ASD diagnosis (but have traits & OCD-like traits).

Mostly keeping a distance from ASD-related things (including WP).