Hello, i have started several threads on the subject of making friends which have been mostly just questions, to gain some perspective trying to understand my problems socializing.
I have come to several realizations but there might be one question in this post.
1.I have come to the realization that I have trouble making friends because I have trust issues with people in general.
2. I have trouble understanding the other person's intention which is the cause of my first problem
3. Being autistic, most of my life i had been bombarded with yelling from other people always telling me what I was doing was always wrong without really explaining
behaving dressing in a certain way etc therefore I have had trouble understanding why people take an interest in me saying hello and what not, because i have been in my mind only been told what is wrong with me. Therefore i even have trouble accepting and being at ease with my own temperaments
4. When around with strangers i am somewhat very tense and my mind sometimes just sort of freezes and goes blank in way because im really afraid of saying or doing something stupid, i realized because i have poor sense of self subjectivity from the view point of others i don't realize a certain behavior is stupid only until post fact um(after the fact) or when i see someone else doing the same thing.
5. I have had a bad experience(which i really don't want to explain in detail but be assured it was bad) trusting someone i didn't know very well which is a factor of the former points
6. That more or less had led me to have only one good friend who i have developed a certain over dependence. essentially making him my only social circle.
7. I feel until now at the age of 24, having to learn most everything the hard way, cognitively, i have only just caught up with things in life, and therefore have a low tolerance for doing things i don't particularly enjoy doing, to me time it's too important to waste it dealing with crappy people, however i used to know someone who was so fluid he was willing to do anything with anyone and that made him more unbearable to be around because he had his own personal problems, no he is not autistic or has psychosis, or condition. just an emotional cripple(harsh even objectionable term maybe i know but that is the only way i can describe it.)
8. I suppose if there was any ability i could have is being able to sort people out sooner rather than later.
9. I usually have limited interests and I have devoted so much of my time to school trying accomplish the best GPA possible. So i haven't made much of a social life. It didn't help living with a parent, who i suspect is as if not a little less autistic as I am but doesn't know it, commuting to a community college everyday, and the fact most everyone i know or knew in High school went to the state universities. Community colleges are usually packed with working older people who have families or young people who have already well established social lives so don't rely on the school . i feel those things kept me in a bottle for a good three years or more, had i lived on campus at a bigger community college i think i would have learned somethings sooner. FYi i eventually moved on to a state university but only really in the latter 2 years of college.
I more or less have a few ideas of what I can do, in the future:
when people say hi to me i can actually stop and talk to them and talk more about myself, instead of just listening to what people say and make a concise summary with a catch phrase or just acknowledge what they say with a a head nod or "yeah" > I generally don't talk too much about myself or talk casually about something else other than school and intellectual subjects or as i call it "talking shop"
When i am passing someone on the street i usually just say hello and walk or if they stop me i am usually more eager to get going to where i am headed than stopping and chatting. I usually don't have much to say to people i don't really know. I just don't know how to have relaxed personal conversation with people i don't know very well.
I suppose my one question is what have people done to sort of break the habits of their inhibitions, I am more or less asking how can i bring myself to "do the opposite' if anyone has seen seinfeld they know what I'm talking about. but that may be a bad example, or analogy because for me I have tried doing the opposite a few times only to be disappointed, a few times i have said to myself my instincts are best because I have felt better, its only when I start to have doubts i consider this paradox.
17 Feb 2013, 6:31 pm
