I'm not a nerd anymore?

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My friend took me out for a movie. It was a Mystery Science Theater 3000 type of thing with the movie "Plan 9." It had a few funny parts, but I mostly didn't enjoy it. A lot of the jokes and whatnot really catered to the "nerd" subculture. I'm realizing more and more I'm not a "nerd" anymore, except...I am. But I'm not. And it confuses me. It's not so much that I'm not "nerdy," it's that I don't fit into/don't keep up with the subculture of "nerds."

It's mostly because like, my interests either stayed the same or changed. Like in one aspect, I've not really "kept up" in that I've basically kept my exact same anime tastes since high school. So people will be like "Hey man, c'mon, you should see this new anime that came out!" or sometimes a new game, etc. And I just won't care. I'll be like "Nah, I wanna go rewatch _____ series again." Or go see another older series I've not seen before that I wanted to see when I was younger. That and there's fewer new animes/games/movies I like coming out now anyway. My "nerdy" interests also get really weird and downright "uncool" to other nerds (things like eurobeat, not-current Japanese music, older anime.) Also, ideologically, I'm more libertarian/conservative, and most "nerds" tend to be liberal type people. As far as "keeping up with things" I've not really watched TV in about 2 years (nor have I watched any new American TV shows currently televised online via Hulu/etc, either.) I also don't keep up too much with things going on Reddit or 4chan or whatever.

I'm sort of outgrowing the "nerd" subculture. I've gotten older, my interests have changed, and I've changed as a person. To most people that would see me out in public without actually talking to me, they wouldn't say I look "nerdy" at all. I lost a lot of weight, have usually decent hygiene, usually wear "preppy" brands of clothes, and am in good shape. But despite this, I still watch my old 80s mecha animes and when I hop in my car, there's probably a 50% chance I'll be listening to Japanese music. So basically, it's like I'm half "cool" and half "nerd" and don't really fit in anywhere.

I have my friends, and they've invited me to things like board game night at the local anime club and whatnot. I don't think I'd really enjoy myself much, as everytime I try to go back, I feel more awkward and basically less like I fit in. But I do know there's a *little* commonality. I might have a better bet making friends in such a group compared to like...a bar. Part of me really wants to belong to a social group again, but the other part of me fiercely values my independence, and I don't want to pretend to like things I don't care about. Everytime I try to go back into the "nerd" culture, I just like...don't "feel" right. It feels awkward now. I also even feel dragged down so to speak. I guess I see that subculture as like, weak. It seems like the subculture doesn't value self improvement, and almost looks down on it.

I was just sort of reminded of this whole problem I'm having with this all, as that movie showing was basically full of "nerds" and all the jokes were for "nerds" and I didn't find songs about zombies or whatever funny anymore. I just felt out of place. I didn't feel like I "fit in" with the people there. But at the same time, I'm not "cool" either. Going to a bar or club would be just as awkward, just in a different way.

I don't know what to do. I wanna keep my friends, but I get more and more distant from them due to basically not being a "nerd" anymore. I'm just so confused.

Many people have different interests,it's alright to have friends that have different interests to your own
but your friends may not realize that your not as much interested as they are.

You may have to show your friends what your are interested in so your will have something to share and talk about.

It's great for you to have friends and you still can always try something to get them interested with what you like.

I'm in the same position, it is like I lost interest in what other people cared about. Them: "Hey you but you always had all the software and knowledgeable about this stuff". Me: "I don't care". Them: "But how did you get it working?" Me: "I can't remember a thing"

Trying to help them feels painful. Like that part of my brain doesn't want me to access it. I just want them to go away.

I can relate. In myc teenage years, I very much fancied myself a nerd. My interests were specialised around biology and natural history, and I had a decent all-round knowledge on other things scientific. I was a devout viewer of sci-fi, my classmates and I formed this 'nerd crowd' at school, the popular kids would avoid us. In my late teens, I left school and moved to a different city where I didn't make any friends. I kept to myself, and continued with some of my nerdy activities, yet discontinued others. Especially general knowledge on science was suffering heavily under this; I simply wasn't interested anymore, except in my special interest of biology. And even that one, I was giving less and less attention.

A few years ago, I visited a field biology club, which draws a pretty nerdy crowd... and initially I was very, very happy to be there, to be with people who shared my long-time interest, but... I felt as though it was too nerdy for me at that point, if that makes any sense? Everyone seemed to be hung up on stuff like classification and identifying animals/plants, in a kind of analytical manner, and I was far more interested in just soaking up nature and enjoying it... without having to analyse or file it.

It's not that I don't get along with other nerds anymore, though. I'll probably get along best with nerds, as became apparent when I was working at the book repair shop and was always cracking language jokes and comparing notes with my co-workers on history and biology, so nerds are still my crowd. But I, myself, feel a wee bit less nerdy. This feeling also increased over the course of the past year. I've all but given up on doing anything meaningful for myself in the fields of science and art.

I think one of the aims of nerd subculture is to exclude people who exclude them. Past a certain age, it loses its importance because you've already established an identity. Also, you get better at getting along with Herd People. Your taste changes because the same old same old isn't new any more and you're more able to tune into more sophisticated things. You just outgrew them like most people do, nerd or not.

A bar is a poor place to meet people unless you're an alcoholic. For them it's a good place to meet somebody with an important common interest. That might not be true if the bar is drawing customers for something that doesn't normally require drinking, but I don't actually know that.

Beyond that all I can say is the usual find what you like blah blah blah. If you get along well enough with NTs it won't matter that most people in some new group are.

(Reading over what I just wrote, I fear I am starting to sound trite. You may not be surprised that I like the sound of my own voice, or whatever you call it in text. I'm starting to annoy myself. Can somebody tell me if I'm being trite? Don't just look at the ground if I am. I won't pick up on it.)

It's no bad thing that you're becoming your own person, OP.

As KnowItAll says, subcultures have a way of becoming very obsessively cliqueish. I've been reading the MegaTokyo webcomic books lately, and it's interesting to see how the characters grow out of their obsessively nerdy natures and become grounded and three-dimensional. MegaTokyo eventually admits that it's even been conflating zombies with fanboys all along.

(And I'm conservative. I'd even argue that liberalism is inherently collectivist and thus prone to cliqueish behavior.)

Interests shift and grown and change...sometimes, entirely new ones come up. This is perfectly normal..eg; An admiration for Tolkien's 'world' has been with me for 50 years now, but my understanding and fascination with it has matured considerably. If I still felt the same way about my interests now as I did at 10, I'd be worried.

Last edited by BornThisWay on 11 Feb 2013, 8:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Those are geeks, not nerds. CyclopsSummers described nerds.

I've had that problem. As I've improved socially and expanded my horizons, many of my older friends still wanted to live their same limited lifestyle of video games and magic the gathering 24/7. When it comes to friends like this, if you want to improve socially, limit your contact with them and slowly integrate new friends into your social circle.

I can relate. The distance between me and some of my old friends has widened since I've taken on a much more active lifestyle with sports and all. Some of them were inspired and I could "pull them along", but my nerdy / geeky days are a thing of the past. I think much of it has to do with being labelled. When I was obese, I fit right into the cliche of being a fat nerd. Now I'm athletic, and people seem surprised that I still fancy fantasy, sci-fi and roleplaying games. It's as much a stigma you create yourself as what society claims you are. Self fullfilling prophecy, if you will.

I've never really sat through Plan 9, but I did actually enjoy the Tim Burton movie ED WOOD.

I wonder if old campy things like that can be revisited and made into something new. Kind of how Burton also did Mars Attacks? I guess where I'm going is I wonder if there is a halfway point. Instead of sitting through movies like Plan 9 I think there are plenty of good satire films that are a better alternative.

Even something like Galaxy Quest that pokes fun at Star Trek seemed like a surprisingly funny movie to me.

I don't really care about improving socially and becoming "cool" and going to bars and clubbing and whatnot. I just want some more friends, but I'm not really fitting into my old circle nor have I really found new ones to fit into. So I'm losing my nerdy friends and not gaining anymore by not being "nerdy." So part of me wants to be "nerdy," just to have more friends, but the other part of me wants no compromise in doing or not doing activities I like or dislike.

I asked my friends if I was still a nerd, and they were like "Yeah, just a very very strange one."

I have never fit into any subculture. I've always hated some parts of the nerd subculture becuase, well, they just didn't feel like ME. I've just always been myself, not totally belonging to any category.

Well there is elements of truth to what you say, but you're just being the typical conformist here. Think about this: you won't associate with a subculture because you think it is 'weak'. That's just being stupid, a real strong person can associate with anyone and do anything. The issue is not over-doing it.

The real problem comes is you look at your former self as pathetic/weak, and hence you won't associate with the subculture anymore because it reminds you of your former self. So you tell yourself "it's weak" and stay away. But it's really about you.

Anime subculture tends to be shy/nerdy types but it's not that they don't value 'self improvement' it's that there interests are just more focused and narrow (not broad). Not only that if you feel they have things they could improve upon you could find the people who were open to bettering themselves and helping those open people by putting them on the path.