Just Curious

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When a friend tells you to grow up because you choose family over them, are they really a friend? I was trying to talk to a girl that I considered a friend, my best friend in fact, and she informs me that her and her roommates were sick and tired of me using family as an excuse to not hang out with them and that I needed to grow up because of that. "Ashley" (not her real name) claimed she only told me this because she wanted me to be happy and she cared about me. She also wondered if I really considered her a friend at all these days. I live with my grandmother and father and both have health issues so I can't really hang out with her all the time and she knew it. I was trying to find out if I could go over this weekend to help work on cosplay as they invited me to attend Sakura-con with them because they were short a member. I have since thought about it and realized that both my money and I was only being used for that purpose.

I am stunned that people would actually do that to you. All three of them knew and understood that I have NVLD. I wonder if they used that to their advantage and I don't appreciate that they tried to manipulate me because of it. I apologize if this is posted in the wrong forum but I can't really talk about it anywhere else....

The fact that you are taking care of two elderly family members defines you as GROWN UP. So two things came to mind: 1) she wishes she could spend more time with you because you mean a lot to her 2) she can not relate/understand your responsibilities because she's on a different phase in life.

Are they really a friend? Yes - however not perfect. Friends are blunt sometimes and get into squabbles. At least she was honest (in an emotional way) and told you how she felt.



I'm not sure why you've leaped into this conclusion .. so it mades me wonder if there's more to the puzzle here. If you honestly believe they are taking advantage of you, it'll show in your actions. So, maybe, what they notice from you is lack of effort because you are feeling like you're being taken advantage of.

Sounds like a combo deal.

Can't be completely sure, but she sounds insecure. Do you actually want to be friends with her?

(also, Sakura-Con? are you still going, if not with her? 0:)

Since she invited me and we're not friends anymore, I will not be going this year. Maybe another time.

You're not friends anymore???

I think people tell you to "grow up" because they aren't getting their way. Telling someone to "grow up" can also be an attack.

Sounds like your friend wasn't getting her way because you were not doing what she wanted you to do so she told you that. But they are the ones who need to grow up. It's like throwing a tantrum because they are not getting their way.

They're not your real friends. They're users and abusers. It's really immature of them to hold the fact that you need to take care of sick family members against you, and use you for money to attend a con. I'd dump them ASAP and find some new friends. You deserve better than that.

Funny enough, one of her roommates messaged and said I was still considered a friend and then proceed to remove me from Facebook...I knew them and hung out with them quite often...but thanks for the advice to everyone who has replied.

Well, I'm sorry people are taking you off their Facebook list. I hate Facebook because it is so superficial, and that friend who claimed to still be your friend and then AXED you, is a prime example of why I hate Facebook. People just don't know how to be themselves without the need to follow the majority. You're better than that. You have a big responsibility in your life and I would continue following through with what you feel is important. The right people will come your way.

Thank you for your kind words.

You know what? She invited you sure. You bought a pass right? Well, one of the things you might try doing is going on your own and trying some of events they have going on. Also, hanging out in the con suite is a great way to meet people.


As for this other friend, it sounds like she was trying and way a real friend while having certain needs that you just can't fulfill. At the same time, you could have asked her to help you take care of your family. You sound like you could use a hand.

The pass was bought under their name.

I doubt she would help anyway and she suggested that we acquire a nurse and we don't have that kind of money and my family doesn't want one. I've heard her complain enough about helping her own family. My dad is working on getting better and we're hoping he will be by this summer.

If she can't understand that responsibilities come before socialising, then the whole "grow up" thing sounds like projection to me.