Its Official - My Social Skills are in Chapter 11 Bankrupcy

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Five years of living back at home with my folks, all my friends moving out of the city, living in my own world when I'm not at work or martial arts, I'm at my buddy's place and its official - I'm finally back to being in a different class of socializing (ie. they're having to switch tone with me).

I'm not taking it too hard - ie. I've figured out over time that there's just no beating this, that racking my brain to keep my knowledge of what's hip, cool, or happening didn't get me what I wanted, the payoff to stress ratio was untennable, so now - I'm finally submitting to life.

Keeping a sense of humor about things at least but wow, wasn't sure if it would ever happen to me. So many major dreams shot down though, enough twists of the rubics cube in terms of personality (all my grabs at trying to re-establish my self in an NT-appropriate format) and I do believe that it's all kinda collapsed in on itself. Used to have a personality - whatever I've got left is just kinda gimping by, it might very well be on life support by the time I'm 40.

It is truly remarkable though, no matter how ambitious we are, no matter how much we're willing to put in to get what we want, time always takes its toll, the difficulties force us to be slow runners, and nature does the rest.

Not complaining, just trying to look around my inner space and figure out how to submit to the inevitable - ie. living the rest of my life in a very different state than I'd imagined. Lol, wish me luck.

it is most important for you to remember to be thankful for what you DO have- your vigorous mentality/mind and your vigorously youthful body and good health, as well as a level head. those are very real goods. i myself could use a lot more of each one/all in my own life. but father time will not be denied.

I do understand your experience. I worked very hard to achieve success and forgot that I was a vulnerable person. My job was extremely stressful and my husband was changing as a person, but I could not see this... I was too busy with my job. He took me for a large amount of money. I could have had him put in jail --- this would not have gotten my money back.

I believed in the friendship of a senior employee of the company I was working for at the time. I cared very much about him. He was diabetic and I worried for his safety. And, I came to learn that he was a sexual predator. I should have filed sexual harassment charges against him. I could not bring myself to destroy his life and dreams he had. He made promises and promises and he broke them and hurt not just me, but other people. I resigned from my job because I was emotionally exhausted.

I retrospect, sure... I could have called police, had the ex-husband thrown in jail and gotten the senior employee fired and possibly destroyed every dream he had of living on beautiful forest land. I had dreams, too. My dreams involved continuing to work at my job, which I did well and finally live alone -- without a husband or a lover or boyfriend. But this co-worker was so needy at the time. I knew I could never be what he wanted and he did not want to believe this. What would have been correct? To be loyal to myself and remain at my job, because this job was very important to my sanity and well-being. Once having worked my way to independence, I needed to hold on to it with all of my strength. I became tired and overwhelmed.

So, like you, I've lived in a situation that is far less than optimal. I've worked to find my way back to something even remotely like what I did before, but ten years have passed and a lot of trauma has happened in these years. I'm doing my best with what I have and getting away from a situation with a person who has serious emotional problems he has never dealt with and now must face. I did all I could to help him and he was ungrateful and deceitful. He has put me through hell and I am fortunate that I worked for and with two women who were able to see what was happening to me and opened their home and their hearts to take me in. They are good and loving people. I do not have any biological family. These women are my nearest equivalent to family.

I am very "gun-shy" about men, because they have been a source of trouble for me. I feel sorry for them, but I'm not stupid. I'm not seeking intimacy. I end up like some guy's "mommy" and the guy is older than I am. He's just lazy and dependent and chaotic and unwilling to own these faults. He wants a woman to take care of him. Somewhere, there's probably some woman desperate enough to want to take on this particular burden. When a man does not listen and learn and puts me in jeopardy without my knowledge? He has violated my rights. He has shown disrespect for me. He does not deserve my friendship or loyalty. These are not "light" topics for an Aspie, I'm sure we all will agree.

What "auntbabbly" wrote is true: be thankful for what you DO have: you are intelligent, healthy, young and level-headed. It is more difficult to bounce back when one is older. One may have the skills and experience for a job, but the young people are more often hired. I've considered applying for Social Security Disability, but it is such an awful process to go through -- although I have all the medical records to prove Aspergers and co-morbid conditions and show that I experienced de-compensation, I do not want to fight and fight and fight the evil bureaucrats. I would really like to get a decent job...but time is not on my side. I'm struggling with some pretty tough decisions, myself.

You have FAMILY you can go to! You are lucky in this! Of course, you would rather be with friends your own age. Is it necessary that you be AS hip and AS cool? Are you able to explain to the NT friend(s) that you are not UNhip and UNcool..only different? I've had to do this with NT people or risk being bullied out of things I feel very strongly, which can lead to anger and misunderstanding. When you tell NT people "this bothers me" and they do not understand, explain and hope that they will listen. I'm considered highly intelligent but sometimes do things that appear really goofy -- in public, I get overstimulated and kind of "freeze" or wander a bit in a daze and someone calls me a name like "Air Head" and it messes with me...a lot. I call MYSELF names and this is different. I remind NT people that Einstein couldn't tie his shoelaces properly (neither can I) and explain that I'm not comparing myself to Einstein, but tell them that I'd been bullied as a kid (because I was smart and different) and now I'm living in this small, narrow-minded town where people gossip and most women have never had a career so are horrified when I stand up to a man who is acting badly because they cannot IMAGINE ever doing such a thing and I've told off so-called "authorities", which simply is not DONE...and here I am. Not looking to win any popularity contests, just seeking to survive and maybe do somewhat better than simply survive and help a few good people along the way. And again, I'm the focus of NT crap.

DO look around your inner space and consider that the only limitations are those that you impose upon yourself. You think you're a slow runner? Then again, the persistent runner covers the greatest amount of distance. I recommend you take the scenic route
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I think I can sort of relate to the OP. It feels like all my attempts to "re-invent myself", fake it until I become it. My house was built out of straw on top of sand. I've gone on emotional training and it seems to have gone in the one ear and out the other. It doesn't stick. Maybe one day Google Glass' spectacles will be able to suggest possible social cues for me.