Never had a GF before, so confused

Post Reply New Topic

So I'm an 8th grade asperguy with a tiny bit of anxiety disorder ("I haven't had a relaxing conversation with another human being since age 4" is more like it) and I have had a crush on this NT girl in my class for years. 2 weeks ago I learned that she has had a crush on me forever, and she asked me out (duh I said yes). The problem is, I somehow convinced myself that, because of my clumsy attempts to flirt with her, she doesn't want me around, and because of who I am as a person, I just kept a respectful distance from her, and we barely said a word to each other for the next year. Now that we're a "couple", I kind of hoped that we would get to hang out more, perhaps talk more. Admittedly, I am very nervous/shy around her, but we haven't said a word to each other for these last two weeks. We share 4 classes a day and both participate in the track team. Did I mess up? If so, what did I do wrong? How can I spend more time with her? Despite my anxiety, I love talking to her. Is she avoiding me, or is this how relationships normally are?

it's your turn to ask her out. her answer will let you know what's up.

Everybody's expectations on how you relate to this girl have changed, including the expectations of everyone around you, it's no wonder you and she feel weird. You still get to choose how you act, though - you can still be friends with this girl in the way she and you choose, you just have to get past this somewhat confusing bit first. What did you have in common that attracted you in the first place (besides the way she looks or makes you feel.) Do you like the same music? TV? Activities? Find something like that, and use it as an icebreaker to start a conversation.

If after you've re-established talking regularly, you want to move into "dating," again - pick something you have in common that you can do as friends. Sports-ish-type things are always good (like tennis, mini golf, etc.) because they give you something to do together and take the pressure off all the talking.

The other relationship stuff should happen when you are both comfortable with it, and definitely not until you are comfortable enough to talk about it openly with her - but you first need practice in talking about ordinary things.

ETA: in re-reading your initial post: does your "talking" include listening and lots of it? Many guys (NT included) make the mistake of thinking girls want to listen to them, when really they want someone to hear what they have to say. Make sure you have an equal relationship when it comes to talking and listening, and that you express an interest in what she likes, too.

You're lucky you figured this out early. When I was in your grade same stuff happened to me and I never caught it. That girl that I had a crush on is married now.. Enjoy that stuff while it lasts, if you're like me you'll only get more anti-social with age unless you do something about it :p Anyway! Girls are like.. pre-programmed to be "lady-like" and let the guy make the move.. Horribly painful I know, The best approach I've found is whenever you're feeling down, bad, not yourself or anxious (Believe me.. I know how you feel) Try to make her feel the opposite of what you're feeling!

If you're feeling bad about you being all sweaty and shakey from track, compliment her on how she makes that tiring stuff look good! If you're anxious about a situation, try and make her laugh about it! If you're feeling ugly, make her feel pretty! If you really like her these things should come fairly easily to you as I'm sure you've thought about her a lot by now, otherwise you wouldn't be posting.

remember chivalry but remember that you're a man and not a door mat. You can be confident without being a douche, you can be nice while having boundries.

When in doubt just ask her out. Trust me it never fails.

Just hang out w/ her and be yourself. She's liked you for years as well, so obviously she likes & accepts you exactly how you are & there's no logical reason to all of the sudden be self conscious and nervous around her as if you have to now act in some new expected way. It's you as you've always been that she's into, so no need to avoid her or put on an act. Relax & remember to breathe. Be real, be yourself. Enjoy.

_________________
No for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.

I can sympathize with you. I had a crush on a girl for years in high school. The difference between us is that we never dated. I rarely spoke to her or any girl and when she spoke to me I freaked out, especially if it was something I was interested in. I haven't seen her since then. I will try again when I attend a university this year, with another girl, in another state. Yeah, you seem to be doing better than me, you just need to make the next move.