Bad/Off experiences meeting other Aspies?

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donothing1979
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27 Mar 2013, 11:26 am

this question is for the Aspies.

have you ever met another Aspie and had a terrible or otherwise "off" experience with them?

i have a few stories; but as i'm not officially diagnosed yet, i don't know if i can truly say "other Aspies".

I think my old boss was an Aspie. he was an engineer that didn't like to be bothered, and didn't like to talk to anyone in the office. he definitely didn't like me for doing things my way instead of his way. he once compared us all to "chimps in a zoo", and he was kind of a prick to me especially. I'm prone to depressions and crying easily, and he made me cry in front of him more than once. i think that was why he let me go.


another instance was i met a guy at a party that kept coming into the room i was in with the people i knew (if i attend a party, i usually stay with people i know already, or in the least populous areas of the party), and closing the door behind him. we were sitting around, just smoking pot, and he'd stand there for a minute or two, and then go "oh, you kids..." and then be quiet and then leave and repeat a few minutes later. I asked one of my friends "who is that guy"? my friend who lived at the house the party was at said that he was a colleague from work, and that he had Aspergers, and that's why he was acting that way. "he can't help acting strange", my friend said. another person in the room that i didn't know that well said "he's bugging me out, and i wish he would stop.... don't Aspergers people not like social events? lock the door so he can't come in again". and then it started up on a conversation about how weird Aspergers people were and how they felt sorry for him. this was after i started to suspect myself as being AS, but i didn't say anything. I felt uncomfortable, but i didn't do anything. i thought he was interesting and kind of cute, actually.


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AgentPalpatine
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27 Mar 2013, 12:31 pm

I've had Bad/Off experences meeting individuals in general.....

I've had Bad/Off experences meeting with co-workers....

By now, I've probably had Bad/Off experences meeting with pretty much every neurotype there is.


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Kuribo
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27 Mar 2013, 2:15 pm

I have had a few bad experiences with other Aspies, but the vast majority have been positive for me. I can generally relate to Aspies a lot easier than I can to Neurotypicals.



lotuspuppy
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27 Mar 2013, 3:16 pm

I suspect a colleague of mine has Aspergers. He is really a mopey me, and has refused any form of help. I feel bad, but I cannot waste my resources with those who do not accept them.

Otherwise, I have never had a bad experience with Aspies, and I have met about a dozen. The trick I find is to figure out their special interest and let them talk. The conversation can go in a number of different directions from there.



auntblabby
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27 Mar 2013, 11:33 pm

in the army i had a good experience with one aspie, and rotten experiences with all the rest of 'em, who were usually my bosses. this was before the army filtered 'em out.



sepia
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28 Mar 2013, 4:11 pm

i like most aspies i've met, especially the mature ones who accept themselves and others. i do occasionally have difficulty with miscommunication though:

my peculiarities of expression x their peculiarities of expression = hard work all round :)



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29 Mar 2013, 1:25 am

My ex boyfriend had traits and it was a bad experience, my second ex boyfriend had it and it was also a very bad experience. I could go on ASSpartners and rant about him if I were with him still.

I knew a kid with AS and he had ODD so he was bad.

I have talked about these folks too many times here so I won't bother with any details


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Cafeaulait
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29 Mar 2013, 9:04 am

Like, where do you meet these people? I don't know any other aspie.



donothing1979
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29 Mar 2013, 9:30 am

Cafeaulait wrote:
Like, where do you meet these people? I don't know any other aspie.


i don't go out of my way to meet people, i just happened upon them.

i think there are meetups and things you can go to. i heard a podcast called Gareth's World, and he was talking about attending a meeting and being accused by another attendee of "faking". i don't know how i would deal with that. meetups are scary; i was going to a bisexual support group a few years ago, and i found everyone in there to be rather hostile to me. i don't know if i can meet others in person... online seems safest.


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auntblabby
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29 Mar 2013, 9:15 pm

square pegs allowed me to find my olympia aspie group :)



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30 Mar 2013, 4:21 am

Yeah I've had a 1 diffinete bad experiance with an aspie the other was meh just kinda awkward and so so at the most. I found this aspie, or supposid aspie off of a dating site. And s**t went down, some misunderstandings, arguments, etc once I decided I didnt wanna be his gf. I dont feel like going into detail. And the other experiance was with an aspie whos mother ran a aspergers group. Since we were both female close in age, she got us together and her daughter didnt really say anything to me and it felt more like a play date gone wrong. Her mother talked to me a somewhat although she was not the most social herself. Understandably I didnt expect much out of her socially but perhaps a little effort to chat maybe?



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09 Apr 2013, 2:18 am

There were others in school, but I didn't get along with them outside of polite company. Our interactions were mostly me listening to them talk, they were confusing to talk to (hyperactive, random, etc), or I felt rejected (asking to join activities and turned down, etc). I used to be like that myself, but by the time I really started seeing other people with Asperger's and becoming interested in making friends it was dying down. That made it much harder to relate to or feel comfortable around them.

I made some NT friends in 6th grade and that worked out much better for me, but I did find one Aspie friend in school that I wound up goofing off with all the time. We're still talking almost ten years later.



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09 Apr 2013, 4:34 am

as far as I can recall, in my grade anyway, there weren't ANY. I was probably the only one.

Since then I've only met 2 confirmed aspies. It went fine, got along with them much better than neurotypicals.



starrynightmare
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09 Apr 2013, 6:08 am

I met an Aspie that I first thought I could get along with but his love for physical contact really put me off. Like this guy hugs you EACH time he sees you (I go to school with him and have since "trained" him not to touch me). And he touches EVERYONE he talks to in some way, whether it's a poke, fist bump, etc. This confused me as an Aspie who, like many of us, hates physical contact. In any case I try to avoid him now.



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09 Apr 2013, 2:39 pm

starrynightmare wrote:
I met an Aspie that I first thought I could get along with but his love for physical contact really put me off. Like this guy hugs you EACH time he sees you (I go to school with him and have since "trained" him not to touch me). And he touches EVERYONE he talks to in some way, whether it's a poke, fist bump, etc. This confused me as an Aspie who, like many of us, hates physical contact. In any case I try to avoid him now.


I'm okay with physical contact as long as it is not too overwhelming (like a surprise hug from a stranger), but I tend to do okay with contact that has been cleared with me first (like, someone extending a hand for shaking without thrusting it upon me like I'm supposed to grab the damn thing).

I get along okay with like-minded Aspies (particularly if we have similar shared interests... this seems normal), but I tend to have stranger experiences with people who are clearly NT...



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09 Apr 2013, 3:43 pm

In real life, never.


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