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lease29
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13 Apr 2013, 4:00 am

Just a post about friendships and as someone with few friends I am wondering who are your friends? For those who have close friends how often do you see them?
I have a lot of acquaintances who I call friends who I see every now and then but not on a regular basis I can go for months without contact and I sometimes wonder whether to call them actual friends as I do most of the initiating ie emailing and texting. I find it hard to keep up with people socially.
I have friends from my Aspergers support group, Quiz night friends who I go out with every now and then and a couple of work friends but no close ones. All these friends I see now and then.
But are they still friends even though they aren't close friends?
Would be interested to hearing your views on this post :-)



Cafeaulait
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13 Apr 2013, 5:06 am

once a month



Andras
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13 Apr 2013, 5:27 am

I have 3 friend (groups) and 1 e-friend group.

1. Met him in kindergarten (1993) and we've getting along well ever since. I usually see him once every 2-4 weeks. We play video games and watch movies

2. Met him in high school (2002). We lost contact after high school but a few years later got in contact again. I usually see him once/twice a week. We usually go to another friend of his that invites even more people and play all kinds of board/card games.

3. My sister and her boyfriend (2007). Me and my sister have always been going along well. She met her BF on Guildwars 1 and are happily living together ever since. Me and her BF instantly became friends as we shared the same interests and got along really well. I usually see them once a week. Half of the time i see them we play video games/board games/card games or watch movies. Other times it's because it's the birthday of one of our family members or we go out eating somewhere with our parents.

4. E-friends group(2009). Yea, some would not call these "real" friends since it's the internet, but we've had so much fun and we know a lot about each other. It's a group from all over Europe and we usually play all kinds of games cooperatively, mainly games from the 1990 - 2005 era. The group is 10 people big and i see most of them online almost every day.

I would say the first 3 cases are certainly quite close friends.

lease29 wrote:
But are they still friends even though they aren't close friends?
Would be interested to hearing your views on this post :-)
Yes, friends don't have to be close to be actual friends.


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Summer_Twilight
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13 Apr 2013, 8:25 am

lease29 wrote:
Just a post about friendships and as someone with few friends I am wondering who are your friends? For those who have close friends how often do you see them?
I have a lot of acquaintances who I call friends who I see every now and then but not on a regular basis I can go for months without contact and I sometimes wonder whether to call them actual friends as I do most of the initiating ie emailing and texting. I find it hard to keep up with people socially.
I have friends from my Aspergers support group, Quiz night friends who I go out with every now and then and a couple of work friends but no close ones. All these friends I see now and then.
But are they still friends even though they aren't close friends?
Would be interested to hearing your views on this post :-)


As far as your close friends go, it does not matter that you don't call them every single month. They are still your friends. You get busy and so do they.

I have several friends on the spectrum who I stick with but I only associate with maybe two or three of them most of the time since they live the closest to me.



Jainz
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13 Apr 2013, 9:40 am

I see my close friends weekly, normally. Sometimes less than that. They're always the ones to ask me if I want to do anything. I love them and all, I just don't feel the need to socialise at every opportunity.



54together
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13 Apr 2013, 11:43 am

My best friends are some girls and boys in my classes at school. I hang around with them every break and lunch, because they are fun to be with. :)



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13 Apr 2013, 11:44 am

I am best friends with one of my co-workers. She and I would talk about different stuff during our lunch break. When I am home, we would sometimes text each other. I also go bowling with her and her sister almost every weekend, and we would go out to do fun activities as well.



AinsleyHarte
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14 Apr 2013, 3:49 am

I live with my best friend of seven years. We met in high school and have lived together off and on ever since. He thinks he is somewhere on the spectrum as well, so that may have something to do with it; we were both "odd ducks" in high school and had very few friends, he more than I.

Other than him, I would consider my close friends to be my younger sister (whom I see about once a week or so) and an old co-worker I've known for three years that recently moved to California, so we only text now. I had one other friend up until recently, but she decided I wasn't worth her time when I went through an extremely reclusive streak and stopped talking to her for roughly two months. I tried to initiate conversation again, and it was strained and kind of.. embarrassing to see that she obviously had no interest in talking to me anymore when I thought we'd go back to being good friends.


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Boxdog
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15 Apr 2013, 1:31 am

I used to live in New Zealand til my mid-20s and then moved to Melbourne. I've been here about 8 years now (I'm 35) and haven't really made any friends I'm afraid. I have acquantainces and people I know but nobody I'ld feel close enough to call a friend. They're either someone who feels to me like they're taking the piss out of me, or someone with their hand out for money. It's sad I have to feel that way about humanity but there you go.

Luckily I have my girlfriend or I'ld be pretty much a social reclusive, well, even more than I already am.

I do speak to a couple of my old friends in NZ over Facebook but that's about it. :(



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15 Apr 2013, 3:31 am

So far, I have 2 pen-pals, who frequently make contact, at least more than once a week. That keeps me going. I have 2 friends at work. They cater for me, I wish I could be a better friend for them. I think in most cases I started making friends with the intent purpose of learning something, so maybe I am selfish. repetitive conversation can get boring and I'm not good at inventing new trains of thought to keep the conversation go long enough. I don't like to talk much about the past all the time, like how good it was back in the day type of thing.. It is in the past, why not do something new. Nobody has time any more to do something new.



Cathe
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15 Apr 2013, 9:15 am

I am friends with 2 other aspies and they are the two I would consider my 'best friends'. They live locally but I see one of them about once a month and the other every two weeks. We are in regular contact on facebook and text message though. The three of us have a mutual love of anime and video games.

I have another group of friends. I sing in a local choir and I like to think that I can call people from that my friends. They are all really nice and friendly and they know how to deal with me so they make social things a little easier and they don't try to force me to rehearsals or gigs when i'm having a bad day. We meet once a week for choir rehearsals but sometimes we meet up outside of practise or gigs to do other things too. Like we might go to the pub as a group and one time we went to a painting event, things like that.


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Cilantro
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16 Apr 2013, 5:30 pm

Your friends don't have to be close, no. Those are just a very good kind to have.

My only remaining friends locally are two from 6th grade: an Aspie guy and an NT girl. I've been friends with both of them for almost ten years now, but we still see each other somewhat frequently and are still close. We're not the people we used to be, but we went though some once-in-a-lifetime things together and already know and accept each other inside and out.

I'm on friendly terms with a handful of other people I went to school with and some of the baristas at the coffee shops I visit, but I don't consider them friends. If anything I'd call them acquaintances, but since we see each other when we see each other and aren't that concerned I haven't given it much thought.

I also have several online friends I've met through various forums, but I'm not sure if they're included in this topic. I consider online friends real friends past a point, but I know not everyone does.



daydreamer84
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18 Apr 2013, 9:00 pm

I have two friends irl. One I see about once a month............I met her through an ASD support group. The other I went to school with since kindergarten and lived close to for years and she was always nice to me but we didn;t become actual friends until we were both adults. It varies how much I see her depending on how much is going on in her life. She has a very busy social life and I don't like going to things like pubs and parties and don't feel like her other friends accept me anyway so I only see her alone. I see her sometimes every couple weeks or every week for a while and then won't see her for a couple of months- averaged together maybe once a month. I don't have any groups of friends, I just have these two individual friends who I see one-on-one.



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18 Apr 2013, 9:29 pm

I've pretty much only one left from when I was a teenager, we met on a role-playing server in Neverwinter Nights. I don't do RL friends anymore though, too much of a mess and bad social encounters tend to give me some pretty nasty PTSD symptoms (replaying the event in my head over and over again). Yea I'm a mess, I'm so done with real life.

It's just been me and however I meet in video games for the last few years. I can't even speak to my friend anymore; he talks to my on the mic while we're playing something but when I try to speak I tend to choke up, and trying to form coherent sentences just become so difficult. Kind of sad that I think that he deserves a much better friend than me.



Qubit
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18 Apr 2013, 10:37 pm

I used to have a few friends but not anymore. When I did, I used to see them once every month or two.

Relevant Gollum quote: "You don't have any friends. Nobody likes you!"



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18 Apr 2013, 10:47 pm

I have way too many friends, and it's not a bragging matter. I love spending time with my friends, but it can be difficult when I'm trying to be the top student, as well. I really enjoy being highly social, though. Almost all of my friends are on the spectrum. I've met them through my many, many engagements in various autism-related pursuits.


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