Approaching troubled new neighbours or not?

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We have new neighbours. They moved in next door during a week when we were on holiday. Someone was housesitting for us, and she already had a chat with the new neighbour. She told us that it is a woman with three young children, who had fled a domestic abuse situation. But the man -father of the children- still comes there to have contact with his children. Our housesitter also pointed out to the neighbour that her shouting can be heard in our house.
We have now been home two weeks. The neighbour shouts a lot at her children, and it sounds very angry. Not nice, but perhaps she is just stressed? I feel sorry for the little ones though; they are still very small. The man has come by, and taken the kids out, but today he also shouted very loudly at her, with lots of rude words and threats, and he waved his fist.
Not great, all that, not for her, not for the kids, but also bad for us since we are trying to sell the house. Screaming cursing neighbours are not a good selling point!
I've seen the woman outside and she smiled at me. The eldest of her kids has been here to ask for his ball back. He was very sweet and polite.

I think I should make contact with the new neighbour. I am not sure how to do that though. She seems to go out a lot, or get visitors, and if that is the case of course I can't go by. But it is hard to know for sure that she doesn't have visitors. I especially don't want to risk meeting that man. Or should I just not approach her? My partner doesn't know either. I can't understand how our housesitter did it. I kind of want to ask her, but I'll look stupid if I do...

Is she the kind of person you want to make friends with? Once you reach out, you get their baggage and it sounds like there might be a lot. On the other hand, for the sake of the children, it might be best to keep a close eye on them, especially if you think the children might be in danger. just a thought.

If you decide to approach her, I would start by saying hi to her and introducing yourself when you see her outside, instead of going and knocking on her door unannounced. For example, maybe if you are both out in your yards or on the sidewalk at the same time (I don't know what sort of area you live in, so I don't know if you have a yard or a sidewalk), you could say hi to her then.

Then, try to find a way to initiate further contact, like inviting her over to your house. Maybe, if you are already friends with one of the other neighbors, you could invite the two of them over together (for some reason I often feel less awkward in a group of three or more than in a group of two )

I wouldn't make friends with her. I would call social services instead and let them decide whether or not these children are in the best care.

I don't think she is the kind of person I would be friends with. She is a lot younger than I am. I doubt that she has the same interests as I have.
I want to make contact because I would like to ask her to be quiet if we have viewers for the house, and also because I am worried that something will happen to those little ones. I don't think so; she only shouts at them, but even that is not good of course. Sometimes I can hear what she says to them and it is really horrible. She shouted 'I hate you all' and 'You are evil' and things like that. The eldest seems about seven or eight, the second is a toddler and the youngest is only a baby. One day she sent the eldest out with a sandwich and shouted at him to not come back until dinner.
I wonder how they will grow up if they are treated like that - they won't learn to like themselves, will they? And presumably they have already witnessed their dad beating up their mum, and that's not great either. Actually the way she shouts at those little ones really upsets me but I'm not sure what to do, or if I should do something at all.
Social services should already know her - the house she is in is a council house, and if she has been placed there after domestic abuse that can only have been through social services. And if I contact them, the neighbour will also know that it was me, because on the other side of her house lives a very old man who is kind of deaf. That is another reason that I think I ought to talk to her - because i may one day contact social services or something and I would like to talk to the neighbour about that first. I don't think she means to be nasty to the kids; she seems nice enough. She is probably just stressed.
I have shouted at my child too, still do at times, but not in the way she does it. She sounds really really hateful and angry. And of course she says nasty things to them.

I'd stay away from that situation, and not even request personally that they quiet down unless it's during the heat of an argument and you're prepared to call the police. In my own experience, a request like that would only lead to belligerence on their part where they might go out of their way to make your life miserable. Keep an eye on things from a distance, unless you need to intervene for someone's safety or for the kids.

If the opportunity occurs naturally to have a chat accross the fence that would be ok. But seeing as your moving eventually I don't think I would go out of my way to make contact. I would also refrain from getting involved in their various domestic issues, and just live with the situation, unless you see or hear a clear indication of criminal abuse, at which time I would call the police.

You know, it is funny... I also posted this problem on a parenting forum (full of NT people) and there most people advised having a chat with the neighbour and making contact...

But then, I don't know quite how to go about 'making a chat'. I'd be okay if she approached me, but to approach her seems a tad impossible.

I think I'll just chicken out and not get involved... oh dear, just now the shouty aggressive young man came to her house. Ugh.

I eventually did talk to her, indeed over the fence. About cats. We both have cats. She was actually very nice, and very kind to animals. She admitted that she shouts a lot to her kids, and she said that her eldest is very difficult.
Since then she has been shouting every single day, but the children seem happy and confident, so it is probably just a lot of noise and no real trouble.

Today I am posting about it because it has been especially bad, she shouted for ages and eventually just kind of screamed without bothering to even form words... I was starting to think that I should really do something, but fortunately her mum came just then and it was quiet again.

Now her mum is gone, and the neighbour is shouting again - but at least she uses words now. Not typing which words, because I think that those are not allowed on the forum...
I also heard the toddler cry after she shouted. He rarely cries.

Just posting this to vent...

Is there a neighbour on the other side of her? After the conversation about cats (and the shouting) she may think you gave her understanding about why she does it and hence a green light to keep on doing it. I can't of any other reason why the shouting increased in frequency and intensity as soon as you talked to her.

Maybe conspicuously look out the window whenever you hear her. If you happen to be outside when she's shouting gawk over the fence through their window and shout "is everything ok in there?" in an austere tone. It may seem like a busy body approach but it might work. Lets her know that it's disturbing enough to attract people's concern.

The sad part is - you don't give a rats ass about the kids, you just want to dump your house.
Most times the dad gets the bad rap - regardless of how crappy the woman is. We can see that there is problems there - yet you refuse to get involved.. I think this is a urban problem that goes on everywhere.

The bottom line is we had the same problem in my own neighborhood. I moved away for a number of years and when I came back we had a Meth Lab and we had drug dealers and we had a new bar and a influx of a lot of undesirable people.

The old people had died and the kids did not want to live in a old house, because they wanted a new house. This made our neighborhood attractive to those that were not welcome anywhere else.. Child Molesters / convicts / perverts / drug addicts.
What I did was I rounded them all up, I gave them a ultimatum -, straighten up or leave. Some were arrested, some were convicted, some just did a midnight move.
I saw this happen in the Ghettos in the 60's and 70's when the intelligent people that could have been role models moved out and the trash moved in and ruined it for everyone.

You need to be the role model, it's apparent to me that you can see things getting worse and you are just looking for a way to get out and you don't want to get involved, just sell your house for as much money as you can and leave.
Its no wonder why the father is yelling so much.
He is upset with the living conditions of his children and what his wack job ex has done to him and his family.

Why not take his side, go to court and testify against her and help him to get his kids back and maybe she can go have her fun and act stupid and she will have to leave when welfare won't support her dumb arse. She is probably just using the kids so she can get a check and as cannon fodder against the father.

You have clearly not read what I wrote.
Or you are delusional - I think the latter because not only are you scribbling utterly unbelievable grandiose statements about rounding up child molesters and drug addicts, you have also completely rearranged my issue into something it isn't to fit what I can only presume is your own personal problem.
Read my messages properly or shut up.

Yes, there is a neighbour on the other side, but his house is not wall-to-wall with hers, and besides, he is a very old gentleman and hard of hearing.

I think I did not express myself clearly though - the shouting did not get worse after I had spoken to her. It was daily before that and it remained daily.
It IS worse right now, but my guess is that this is because it is a school holiday and the kids are home all the time.
It's so sad, really. I did not get the impression that she wants to be so angry with them, and they are really lovely kids too.
I think she just doesn't know what else to do.
But I think you are right and I should say something... but it is so hard to know how and when.
And also, she already has so many people supporting her - there are loads of other people I see coming and going. I already know who her parents and sister and brother-in-law are. So I'd feel a bit surplus... but then, they all cannot hear her shouting - she doesn't do it when they are here.

Dial 911 - let the POLE CE handle it.

Find the property owners - tell them that you do not appreciate them bringing in these undesirables and to please remove them.

There is all kinds of slum lords in this world that will bring in all kinds of people - just to make a quick buck.

Yes I did read your post thoroughly - and - I fixed your mis spelled words. I think you are in search of a answer that fits your situation in which you don't have to do anything or get involved.

I chose to get involved - which is probably why you are so upset and rude.

You did not read my post, or you just didn't understand.

You turned it into a custody battle which is totally not applicable to the situation of my neighbour. She says that he had started hitting her, and that's why they decided to live apart, but the father is still involved and also still in a relationship with the mother. So as the situation stands there is no custody issue - that is entirely your delusion.

You also mentioned an urban problem, but we do not live in an urban area - again, that is your unfounded interpretation.

And I wouldn't call my new neighbours 'undesirables'. That's a horrible thing to say. The shouting and cursing is a serious problem, but it is also the only problem!
There is no sign of drug or alcohol abuse. They don't have parties or play loud music or tv or anything. They are tidy, friendly, approachable, and kind to animals. They have strong family support. The children are clean, healthy, well-fed, go to bed in time, are played with, get cuddles when they fall or hurt themselves, and the eldest is goes to school every school day. So there is no need to take measures as nasty and aggressive as you suggest. That would be horrible and a lot more damaging to the kids than the shouting.

I do not live in the U.S.A. Our emergency number is not 911.

And out of the blue you come up with a slum lord property owner - where did you get that idea??? Again, this has no relevance to this situation whatsoever. I have no intention of doing anything that might result in this family becoming homeless, and certainly not because a nasty man like you says I should.

Then there is the issue of bragging. You wrote:
What I did was I rounded them all up, I gave them a ultimatum -, straighten up or leave.
That is very obviously not true.

If you wish to correct my spelling errors you should first address your own.

In your first post:

You typed 'rats ass' which should be 'rat's ass'
You typed 'there is problems there' which should be 'there are problems there' or 'there is a problem there'
You typed 'Child Molesters' which should be 'child molesters'
You typed 'wack job' . I am not familiar with that particular expression, but I think it probably ought to be 'whack job' - but I may be wrong there!

In your second post:

You typed 'POLE CE' but that is such an odd error that I suppose it was only a typing error and not an actual spelling error. - it should be 'POLICE'
You typed 'mis spelled' which should be 'misspelled'
You typed 'a answer' which should be 'an answer'
You typed 'There is all kinds of slum lords' which should be 'There are all kinds of slum lords'

English is not my first language. Still, I do not make many spelling errors. I do make quite a few typing errors because I have some coordination problems, but I always try to spot them and correct them before I post. Sometimes I miss some out.

Now I am finished with reacting to you because it is distracting me from my original topic.