How to turn off negative thoughts about self

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18 Sep 2015, 8:55 am

My wife keeps telling me I need to stop doubting myself - any advice?



kraftiekortie
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18 Sep 2015, 9:00 am

Try perform some "reality-testing" on yourself.

It's obvious, for example, that you're embarking on a fine career as an accountant. You know lots of useful things as an accountant. You could prevent bankruptcy, for example.

Also: Bald is semi-cool these days. I wish I could shave my head--but my head's too big!



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18 Sep 2015, 9:04 am

Actually I just had a skin cancer removed from my fore head about 10 days ago. Before the surgery the plastic surgeon told me it would be a big challenge because it would be hard to hide a scar is such a large, prominent area.

It is my second scar on my forehead, I have a scar running thru my left eyebrow so my eyebrows are actually a little crooked.



kraftiekortie
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18 Sep 2015, 9:07 am

Scars always fade, eventually.

I understand why you want to change jobs. It's sort of a pity, though, that you have to leave this job of ten years.

What are you most interested in as far as economics is concerned?



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18 Sep 2015, 9:15 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
What are you most interested in as far as economics is concerned?


I am sorry, I am not sure what you mean.

If you mean what are my money concerns about changing jobs, mostly that my wife will have to work full time. She keeps the kids on schedule and helps maintain sanity. I guess I am the window into how their little Aspie minds work. She actually went back to work part time more for her own emotional health (meeting others) than the money.

If you mean what areas of finance do I work in, I work for a hospital that partners with doctors to open up outpatient services like surgery centers and imaging centers. I have done well because I am so obsessed with getting the numbers right and making sure the doctors get their "fair" share. I love working thru the accounting puxxles and coming up with solutions when the commercial accounting software cant do all the crazy things that the people who make up the deals think up.



kraftiekortie
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18 Sep 2015, 9:19 am

I meant along the lines of world economics.

But what you do with hospitals is interesting, too.

So you have Aspie kids--very interesting. Are they similar in their personalities?

I was classically autistic till age 5 1/2; then I became Aspergian.



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18 Sep 2015, 9:29 am

Oddly enough I dont have a great grasp on economics. I would say I believe in the elasticity of our world - I think that if economics or world politics gets too far out of line with what is in the best interest of humanity then humanity will fight back to right it to a level where the world we live in can continue - but maybe that is just hopeful thinking

My kids are very similar in their struggles, but very different in their personalities.
We all struggle with self confidence and personal interactions. We all have the immediate negative thoughts about ourselves when we face struggles. We are all very strict rule followers

I say that but I will say my daughter (who will be 16 this month) has moments when she is very wide eyed, enjoys life and thinks anything is possible. She just started dating this year and she is dating an aspie who does not receive support at home. they are very serious about their love for one another.

My son went thru a spell last year when he did not want to go to school. He has a very poor self image and doesn't want to do much but play video games, but he too has wonderful moments when the passion comes out and he is huggy and loves life.



kraftiekortie
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18 Sep 2015, 9:36 am

I think you're right. Humans, ultimately, do have a fine survival instinct. Unfortunately, before the "instinct" kicks in, much suffering occurs.

Your sons sounds younger than your daughter. I hope your daughter is active in being a mentor for your son. She seems like she has a healthy attitude about her "differences" (for I don't always believe Asperger's is a "disorder" per se).



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18 Sep 2015, 10:10 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope your daughter is active in being a mentor for your son. She seems like she has a healthy attitude about her "differences" (for I don't always believe Asperger's is a "disorder" per se).


I know it is just semantics, but whether it is a disorder or differences, it is a major hurdle in our four lives right now. (five if you count the boyfriend)

My son is twelve happy years of our lives old.

Dont get me wrong - I am a very lucky man. Actually that is one of my main concerns - here I have a great job, wonderful wife ( I call her wonder woman because of her secret power - understanding other people) and super great kids. I have a great life, but I always worry and I always think negative thoughts about myself. If anyone finds the switch that controls that please let me know!



kraftiekortie
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18 Sep 2015, 10:14 am

Wouldn't it be nice if there were a "switch"? The "switch" will have to come within yourself.

I get you about the semantics. I'm not a "political" Aspie. I just believe people sometimes let the "disorder" interfere with their personhood.



Peejay
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18 Sep 2015, 11:49 am

This is a great topic for a thread.

I am sure many of us have exactly this problem.

Re an answer ... I wish I only knew... however `distraction` is very underrated.
I found this when I was grieving after I suddenly lost my girlfriend many years ago.
Ok the thoughts do return but you may get a little respite.

Personally my worst time is the downward spirals at 3am on a work day when I know I will not get back to sleep.

NLP (neuro linguistic programming sounds good but you have to stick at it for a long period of time and it doesn`t always work, I was kind of doing my own version before I knew about NLP)

Practicing Mindfulness (trendy but essentially a good principle)

Practicing Gratitude .... kind of what are you grateful for? it may surprise you and give you a boost.

Breathing 4 in through nose hold for 6 out through mouth for 8 (earths you, energises, lowers stress and focusses you on the breathing...distraction again)

Forgive yourself.. you are only a human who is winging it like everyone else.

Treat your self (careful here!)... Beer and/or Ice cream does it for me.

This is part of the human state for all of us and shows a high level of self awareness... its just getting the balance right as Kraftiekortie says.

has any one else got any coping mechanisms...? I am always looking for more



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18 Sep 2015, 6:40 pm

You may not be able to turn them completely off, but you can try to force yourself to think positive beliefs about yourself.

I know it's easier said than done, and it's easier to believe the negative beliefs, but I've been focusing on my positives, and it seems to be working for me. You have to be open to it taking a variable length of time, or trying out different things/therapies, until it sinks in.


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20 Sep 2015, 3:14 pm

My pastor was speaking today about how difficult it can be to have faith in God when things are beyond our control. Sometimes I think I put myself down because I want people to know I am trying and I am sorry for my error/failings. It is hard for me to know if I tried as hard as I should have. I am not sure if I am afraid of what people would think if I fail and I dont care about it, or is it just my own internal way of feeling good about myself that I might not have succeeded, but at least I beat myself up sufficiently over it.
Anyway, maybe I do just need to learn to say so what when I dont do as well as I could (internally, not externally)
There is just something hardwired inside of me that says "you just messed up and you dont even care about it?"\



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21 Sep 2015, 1:45 pm

Well, my advice is to write down a ginormous list about all of the good things about yourself and your favourite things. That usually works for me so it might work for you. :) Oh, and I also tell myself how beautiful and good I am every day, and that helps to raise my morale a lot.


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