Assumptions about male behavior

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I've seen similar statements in other places (including WP threads), but I think this one summarizes it best:

http://9gag.com/gag/aw0wQPB

Summary: A girl states: "I have more male (best) friends than female".
The top-rated comment says: "You actually have zero male best friends, but you do have a number of males putting up with your s**t in the hopes of f*****g you at some point." (stars inserted by WP)

Is that really what people think about us? Do they actually assume that any kind of social interaction with a girl is ultimately for the purpose of having sex?

For me, if I get along extremely well with someone who is female, I wouldn't be opposed if that lead to an actual relationship with a potential sexual component. But never in my life have I initiated social interaction with that objective in mind.

Another comment with many Likes says: "By the way, just a suggestion: Make sure your "best friends" are aware of their status of "best friend" and sex is not likely to happen. Wait 30 seconds. See how many "best friends" you are left with. Just try it - you'll be amazed by the results!"
I can't relate at all. I would never quit an otherwise working friendship for that reason.

I'm a bit uncomfortable about that idea that every girl I talk to makes such assumptions about my intentions.
Are those reasonable worries?

EDIT: typo/grammar

Last edited by Vectorspace on 29 Apr 2013, 9:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I do not assume that my guy friends are hoping to get physical that way. I think that we are just friends who have common interests (Aikido, Magic the Gathering, music, church etc) and we see each other at the place we do our interest.

I hear this exclusively from a small number of men who personally can't navigate opposite-sex friendships and try to speak on behalf of the rest of their gender, so I wouldn't worry about what the women think if I were you. However, some women may believe that - I just haven't encountered them myself.

There is something to be said for both parties knowing where things stand in terms of relationship potential (sometimes nobody is on the same page, and that's bad), but beyond that the norm where I've grown up is to have opposite-sex friendships. Some of them involved a girl in the friendzone, some of them involved a guy in the friendzone, some of them became relationships, and some of them were and always remained platonic.

Even my mother has male friends, though since she's a married woman from an older generation with different standards they maintain a much greater distance.

Last edited by Cilantro on 29 Apr 2013, 9:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Face it, a lot of women will behave that way, but not all of them!

Maybe not even most.

Thanks for pointing that out. The respective commenters are in fact male.

I feel creepy because I'm actually more interested in female than in male friends. I repeat: friends, not girlfriends. Due to being heterosexual, I can't help being to a certain degree attracted to some of them, but that's not the point. In fact, my best female friend is lesbian and physically not overly attractive.

But I'm not sure how other people perceive my behavior, so I'm quite reserved when it comes to getting in contact with women (with the objective of friendship).

When boys ask their parents for advice on how to get a girl friend, what is the most typical response they get? Or asking an older woman how to approach girls: what answers do they give?

Start out being their friend
See how many things you have in common

The reason for it, as the women say is that when you are at old age and you need a partner then you need to be friends at least when everything else fades out.

My opinion is that women do it to themselves as it seems like this is something they are taught.

People who are disgruntled, frustrated and angry with the opposite sex are a vocal minority. For the sake of your well being and self-esteem avoid and forget about those people whenever possible.

Thank you for the replies so far!
What I'd still like an opinion about:

Do you think that primarily seeking female friends is creepy?

Unfortunately that stereotype exists. Do I think it is creepy? No. Do young girls/women find it creepy? probably yes, Older women? I think they like to have a friend.
I think it is just one of many ways to get what you want.

I dont think that my male friend are so dumb to wait 13 years for me. Specially when they know that I am in an relationship for more then a decade, specially when my partner also is a friend of them, specially when they are in an relationship themselves, and specially because I know some of my malefriends since I was 5 years old and they were 3. So no, I dont think that the three male friends I know since kindergarten thought themselves: "Ok, lets pretend that we are friends with her, because we want to have sex with her." XD

Things like these mostly give you an insight upon the person you are talking with. A male person that cant imagine that a boy can be a normal friend to a girl, is simply someone that isnt capable to do so on his own, whyever. A person that explains that there can me no man/woman friendship, because there will always be sex between them, simply is herself unable to have contact with another gender without thinking on sex.

The real problem is, that they think of themselves as the ultimate woman or man, so every other woman and every other man has to behave and feel like themselves. So when they are unable to have friendships with another gender, everyone else has to be the same. It gets worse when the person has self esteem problems, because wihtout them every human can leanr and accept that other person think and feel otherwise and even while they maybe cant have firenships to others genders, they still can learn that others are able to do so. While people with self esteem problems simply cannot accept this, because this would mean that they would not be able to do something, that other people can do easily. So when they start to deny that people are really capable to have friendships with other genders and say things like "They simply want sex." they simply want to denie themselves, that they are not capable to do so as well.

Why should the fact, that I wont have sex with my friends, change anything about it that we share hobbies and its more fun to share hobbies in a group? I mean there are reasons why we are friends, and that are shared interests and hobbies.

I only can talk for myself, but it already happened to me, that man that I thought to be friends were interested in an relationship and that they misunderstood my behavement as a sign, that I would be interested in more then friendship with them.

But I dont think, because of this happening, that all male have that intention. Some do have, and some dont. Because of that, if I join a new group you normally introduce yourself, so I am telling people that I am in an relationship and so on. If people still think, that I would be interested in having another relationship with them, I am sorry but I cant help it. So because of me telling that I have an relationship, I myself was very surprised that these two guys were interested in having an relationship with me, and I was very sad about loosing them as friends because I didnt know how to react in that situation and stopped contact. But it doesnt mean that I changed my behavior in any way or that I would think all the time about the intention people have. If people act as if they were interested in normal friendship, then I thin that they have that intention, and if they think of having an relationship with me, when they definitely know that I am already in an relationship, I feel sorry for them, but I cant change it.

i think about this topic, or related topics, a lot myself. and the conclusion i've come to is.. each gender seems to perpetrate negative stereotypes about itself. now you're probably giving me the fish eye, wondering why in god's name anyone would do that.. but my theory on it is.. they do it to lower expectations others have for them.
this is a case in point: the caveman stereotype, which as several other posters have wisely noted already, is propagated chiefly by dudes. though i disagree as to why. i don't think these guys are bitter misogynists (although i'm not gonna deny they're misogynists necessarily). instead, i think they do it to create an atmosphere where they don't have to live up to expectations of respectful behavior, or have any respectable degree of altruism in their approach. and that being said, i think certain women tend to make negative stereotypes about women, but that's another story for another day. in summary, some dudes live to make us all (men and women and trans alike) believe that men, especially manly, "real" men are simply operating at a reduced capacity to do certain social tasks.

i think that it really depends on the person's character and not their gender. if he's simply a kind boy that befriends all types of people, then no, he probably doesn't want to get into your pants. blatantly saying that all boys only befriend girls for the sole purpose of intercourse is pretty ignorant and rather misandric.

I'm not sure:
On the one hand, I appear bit strange sometimes, so I'm at the risk of coming across as creepy (in TV series, nerds are often sex offenders ).
On the other hand, my social behavior is apparently so non-sexual that many women don't even consider the possibility that I might theoretically be interested in them. Their behavior around me would often classify as flirting, when I'm sure they're not flirting. I'm not sure if they perceive me as gay, feminine, ...


What do you mean? I'm not using friendship as a pretext for dating.

This is why I implied that you were using it as a pretext for dating.


I think their BS meter will be triggered and automatically accuse you of trying to get into their pants with that reasoning.

Here is why, women in general seem to be smarter than cuttlefish
http://www.cosmosmagazine.com/news/cutt ... ng-rivals/



It comes down to them using it to trick other male that they are harmless (by appearing to be female) to get closer to the female and to impregnate.

On the one hand I can say, why not just be honest with yourself, but I guess there is nothing wrong to have a preference for having a specific type of friends, because otherwise I would be a hypocrite for not mentioning it

This will be an uphill battle to climb, I'm not sure my self how to approach it. Because there is a loophole in your argument, being open to possibilities. That is a tough one to swallow for most who are paranoid.

Have you looked up the Ladder Theory?

My attitude is like this: If it turns out that a really good female friend of mine is interested in dating me, I will evaluate the possibility, and most likely consent. But I don't think I'd initiate it.

Begging your pardon, there's a little difference to "using friendship as a pretext for dating".


Yes, I think I heard about that concept before.
Seems a little oversexualized to me...


:confession bear: I'd actually prefer that over sleeping with her.


Ew... no.

The Ladder Theory applies to me in that I only have a single ladder for both friendship and dating. But I don't consider a romantic-sexual relationship to be generally more worthwhile to achieve than friendship. Saying all men did so is one of those assumptions that I don't like.