Friends leaving my apartment building and I'm distressed

Post Reply New Topic

I live in a small apartment complex, with six units in a three story type arrangement. It's quiet and a rather nice if older neighborhood. I've lived there for close to two years now, and only around a year ago made my first friends, in a charming young married couple that moved in.

I really liked them. They're everything that I'm not but want to be. He good looking and charismatic, she beautiful and artistic, and they both have friends coming and going from their place all the time. A few times I invited them up for drinks, or to watch a movie, but I didn't get to see them as much as I wished.

Well I just learned they're moving. She's pregnant and they're looking for a bigger place, and they're relocating to neighborhood to be "closer to their friends," which just has me kind of despairing for a lot of reasons.

1) that I'm losing the only friends I've made in the neighborhood.
2) that I'm reminded of what a hopeless failure I am at socializing, that this couple just has a bevy of friends the can surround themselves with, and I struggle to even get people I consider my friends to reply to my text messages. I see this wonderful couple, and I'm reminded of how inadequate I am, that they are everything I am not.
3) this couple is moving on in their life, while I feel in an utter stasis. They've got friends, they've got a kid coming, they're moving to a new place. Their lives together are moving forward, and I'm just a station on their way, as they move on and I remain behind in a little building.

I want that, or something like it. You all who've read my other posts know a bit about my life. How I'm a filmmaker trying to work his way up in the world, to create something, some kind of work that'll be really loved and admired and celebrated for it's beauty and honesty and truth. I'm committed to that, but I find sometimes my will weakens, because it is such a long struggle to be sure, and meanwhile, everyone else around me is moving forward with their lives, and I want to to. I don't want to have to give up on my dream, but I'd like to have somebody to go out with, somebody to love. A coterie of friends who accept me and invite me out, or accept my invitation to stop by my place to hang out. But I just don't know how to do it, and I fear I'll never find someone who'll love me, that I have no hope of a normal life. Which terrifies me because all I've got then is my work, and what if I fail at that too, and I'm just a TOTAL FAILURE in life? What if I'm just a guy people don't really regard or care much about, just a footnote in other people's lives, with no story of my own?

I want to matter to people, and be a positive impact on those around me. I want to be liked and I don't want to be alone. Only before long I WILL be alone when my friends leave, and then it's just me in a building, going months on end without having anyone over, without engaging socially. And every time I do go out, to the monthly arts fair, or on the trails for a run, I see people together, and I WANT THAT, and wonder why it is that my/our lot in life is to be denied that most fundamental part of human existence: social interaction? Yet I've reached the point where I wonder if anyone really likes me, or if I'm truly unlikeable. I fear beyond all measure that those whom I like and consider friends merely tolerate or take pity on me because they see what a sad life I lead having no woman, no bevy of friends, and little prospects apart from some film work which probably won't matter a damn.

A mean, are we islands unto ourselves? Does a person really exist or matter if others don't acknowledge them? God, I'd give up everything that makes me unique, I'd conform, change, do anything just to be liked and have friends around me.

In a sense, my situation is sort of like yours.....I know what you mean. Sorry your friends are moving away

Right now, I'm writing-up and I've transitioned myself to my flat. Really busy with writing! But I miss my lab/office friends. I really do not know anybody in my building except for my neighbour directly across from me, especially his dog, Roscoe. He's nice, but I wouldn't be someone he'd be friend with. I just don't connect with my building neighbours and I've mostly not met them, except a shy 'hi' in the close. I don't know.....because I'm so busy right now, I don't think it's justified for me to socialise. Not that I'd know how in the first place.

My landlord came over yesterday for a minor repair (I like my landlord) and he said 'be sure to go out and have fun with your friends too!' Yeah, well, I don't know any.

I'm sure you'll find another friend, even if it takes some time. They seem to have been really nice people. You know, I wish I had a dog so I could meet someone at the nearby dog walk park. I really like Roscoe.

Thing that I hate is they've got a kid coming, so it'll never be the same. They'll do more with other couples who have kids, and I'll get squeezed out. I've lost so a great number of the friends I've had, because they marry and have goddamn kids, and then they don't have time for me anymore.

Which is why I get so desperate to find a love of my own, so I'll never be alone, and won't have to struggle to find new friends to replace the ones who abandon me.