Doing things you don't like to spend time with others

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I've just made a total mess of something. I was invited somewhere I wouldn't enjoy going, it was to a musical. I hate musical shows. I was asked to go by a few people when it was being organized and said no to everyone that asked me. I was amused that they were surprized when I said I didn't like the musical that people were taken aback. I was then offered a free ticket because someone pulled out and I refused that. I was met with surprise again.

I started to feel angry because I felt like I was being pressurized to do something I don't want to do.

After talking about this with a few people I have realized why people were really surprized.They were feeling like I was saying no to spending time with them as a friend.

Carp, I should h ave just taken that free ticket and suffered the awful noise and dancing and not made myself a social outcast.

I've learned that you're expected to do things you don't particularly enjoy to spend time with your friends.

Score: Autism 1 - social skills 0

None of my few friends like to do things I like to do...and I HATE musicals, they are so boring! I will suffer a really boring animated TV show just to be with friends. I will watch TV (I HATE TV) just to be with friends. In fact, all of my friends (can't count them all with one hand) are shut-ins and don't like to go anywhere....ugh it is so boring but I suffer through it!

That is stupid. You could invite them to do something else if you're worried about them seeing you as unfriendly, but don't do something you don't like for their dumb social rules.

Next time say no and offer to meet up with them afterwards.. coffee, drinks, dessert?

Second this. They're the ones in the wrong, expecting you to do with them. Real friends wouldn't try to pressurise you into doing something you don't want to do, and if anything they're the ones showing poor social skills in my opinion, not you. Anyway if I was in this situation I'd also say I don't like [activity I'm invited to] and people almost always understand. Otherwise I'd make it clear I'm not rejecting their invitation because I don't like them and offer to do something else with them at some other time. Or I'll make up some fake excuse like I'm busy with work or meeting some other friends. But if I had to do this a lot with the same people who won't understand I probably wouldn't be friends with them anyway.

Not really. When I was younger, I was terrified of roller coasters. We had a class trip to 6 Flags. My friends were pressuring me to ride Superman, and I gave in, and it was AWESOME. I now ride every roller coaster I can find, front seat if possible.

I would never have overcame that fear without peer pressure.

You could def say it's not your thing, offer to meet up after, or another time. You could also say you have plans that night.

I do things that I don't like quite often just to be with people.
But good friends shouldn't take it personally if you deny.

Note: Taking the free ticket would have been even worse.

Yeah, but what was their motivation for pressuring your? Helping you overcome a fear, or inconsiderately trying to get you to go along with the plan whether you wanted to or not? The fact that the pressure turned out positive for you doesn't mean they meant it that way.

You got lucky. It could have gone the other way and you could have puked and been sick for hours or ended up like that poor girl that got her feet cut off on a ride.

I hate when people pressure me to try to make me do stuff. It's easy enough for them to pressure me when they aren't the one to have to suffer the consequences if things don't work out. Some example: wanting me to go out on the river in a raft when I can't swim, wanting me to ride a bike I can't balance on, or riding horses when they know I can't stay on at faster than a walk.

A couple of things I do that I don't really care about but do to hang out with my friend is go to the racetrack and go shopping in certain clothing stores. I do it to hang out with the friend. I only see them once a year.

In my case, it's quite the reverse.
I often spend time with people to do some of my favorite things.
I'm a photographer and visual junkie, and sometimes I need new lighting, new backgrounds, interiors and models to shoot.
I wouldn't go to a musical just because I don't like shooting actors on stage. I prefer natural lighting and everyday scenes, so I mostly go to picnics and private parties.

BTW, when I was younger, I went to parties for the sake of partying, and this mostly ended with a meltdown.

Now, it's not that bad; and yet, if I can't shoot, I'm always bored, awfully bored... I can enjoy some socializing, but usually not longer than an hour (no matter how much I like the people). I accept most invitations, though.

As to theatres, restaurants, etc. - I usually find a valid excuse not to go. My friends have long understood that I'm a bad companion at large social events, so we meet in more intimate surroundings.

This is very interesting. I, too, rode a rollercoaster due to peer pressure, but my reaction was the opposite; pure terror. It was torture, particularly going down fast....I felt literally sick inside, it was an experience so awful I would never want to repeat it, ever.

(On a side note, it is fascinating that you enjoyed it- as much as I abhorred the experience, I am fascinated by how such a scary experience can be enjoyable. I felt SICK inside, and to think it could be a joyful experience for someone else...can't imagine )

p.s. i like the idea of saying it's not your thing; it is direct, and the person won't be left wondering

I had to attend a Memorial Day/birthday party yesterday with coworkers.
I usually come up with a good excuse and get out of these things but this time I was unable to do so.
I'm on a special diet so all I could eat were grilled asparagus and mushrooms and I drank water.
Most people there were young and loud. If it weren't for this one Chinese girl whom I found easy to talk to, it would've been unbearable.
The host said to me, "it was very nice of you to come and spend time with us even though you knew you can't eat any of the food."
I just nodded but I wanted to reply "I really didn't want to come. I'm not enjoying myself at all. Can I go home now?"
Shortly after they sang happy birthday and cut the cake, I got myself out of there.
That was very painful and exhausting, I had to go to bed at 8:30pm.

I would not mind doing things I don't enjoy so much if it were with good friends though.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WKfgbUkSug

Good friends and nice people make it worth the effort

I hate musicals too. If something like that happens again, maybe you can just tell your friends that you don't like musicals, but that you would like to do something else with them another time.

I never go to places I don't want to go to to hang out with friends.

If I don't like the place, then I'll stay home, I don't care whether my friends hang out or not if the place they go to is a place I wouldn't enjoy going to.

I never feel "pressurized" to do things I don't want to do because I don't feel any pressure, since I just refuse to do things I don't want to do.

Unfortunately, in order to get along with others, it requires compromise: or doing something you may not fully enjoy. However, you can always decline something like this without explicitly saying why. Saying "I don't like musicals (or whatever the activity)" is too blunt and may make whoever invited you feel uneasy. Giving a white lie in this scenario would be best, something like "I have plans that night - but would love to join you another time".