Any suggestions?

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I have trouble both making friends, and even more trouble keeping friends. I'm like a big labrodor puppy, I respond to the slightest hint of positive attention with over-enthusiasm. It will seem to me that I hit it off really well with someone, but never hear from them again. I need to be with people to be happy, but i always drive everyone away. I am a lot of fun to be with... for a few minutes. I joke about anything, incesantly, and just keep going and going and going and going and going until everyone just starts ignoring me, and then i kinda just hang around akwardly. Even those people that I do form lasting friendships with still get tired of me rather quickly in any given event. The main problem is that I just never recognize when people are getting irritated with me; I have no ablilty to recognize moods or "social cues" in social settings. Iknow all the social skills and whatnot intellectually, but have no ability to apply them, and rarely even realize that I even need to. I'm very intellegent, but no common sense or applicable social skills.

For the fact that you are able to give yourself such a detailed self-analysis you probably are capable of more than you think socially.

Did they ever teach you about reciprocity when you were learning social skills? At the most basic level, to let the other person have their turn? I read a very interesting book on conversational etiquette a while back that said the secret to forming friendships is to listen more than you talk.

Not that I can vouch for its accuracy personally (I go to high school, for God's sake! Etiquette stops on the campus boundary!) but it seems like a rational idea.

Do you ever stop to think about what other people might think of you? Judging from your description of your social behavior:

an arbitrary student's first impression might not be the most positive. My theory about high school students is they want confident friends who can be fun to be around with. One might look at you and think, "Oh, look at him. He's so needy and desperate for attention." You probably don't appear confident. Not that I'd know... do you think yourself confident?

-aaron

[For the fact that you are able to give yourself such a detailed self-analysis you probably are capable of more than you think socially.]

Very little of that knowledge comes from self-analysis, most of it is various factoids from friends and years of social therapists.

[...the secret to forming friendships is to listen more than you talk]

Very difficult for me. I talk. A lot.

[Do you ever stop to think about what other people might think of you?]

Again, very difficult for me to do, esp. at the moment in question. I rarely realize such things until they are pointed out to me by someone else.

[One might look at you and think, "Oh, look at him. He's so needy and desperate for attention."]

That's probably because I am...

[You probably don't appear confident. Not that I'd know... do you think yourself confident?]

Not really sure... In retrospect no, but at the moment? Depends on the situation...

If people cannot tolerate you after a while, then cut it down a bit. Just use your judgement. Dont STOP being you, but just ease up a tad - you may be coming on too strongly.

As well, you can tell they are getting irritated if they start blocking you, stop responding to you, stop making eye contact, roll their eyes, etc. Best way to avoid that is just to not respond so instantly and enthusiastically. Personally, that would wear the hell out of me in about 5 seconds

BTW, I'm the opposite, I dont understand any cues so I just keep my mouth shut unless asked. If I know its a personal truth about someone then I'll keep my mouth shut definately.

First of all, if you are aware that you talk a lot, I would imagine it would be possible - if not easy - to try to be a listener for a week. Not that you will be put in any situations where people will start talking to you, telling you stories, anecdotes, etc... (but who knows? Life loves to throw curves) but if you are in a social situation, perform an experiment in being the listener, in letting them talk to you. I always find it interesting to perform such social experiments and observe the outcome.

Also try to walk in their shoes. Think to yourself, "If I had a friend who an off his mouth non stop, what would I say to him?" As you are not neurotypical, your response might be way off, but I always find these role playing excercises interesting.

As for being needy and being desperate for attention, I concluded last October that I am as well, at least socially. But I try to keep it low-key - to forget I have these problems... maybe putting it on the back burner in a social situation will give me (or you) the increased confidence.



Yeah, same here. But of course, that's not how it goes in high school - there seems to be a balance between both extremes that the people whom everyone likes seem to have mastered. There is a way to be able to talk a lot and noot be regarded as annoying by your peers...

alot of people over the years have thought I do things for attention. but it's really the oposite.