How to confront a liar

Post Reply New Topic

Hi:

I am sure that most of you in here have dealt with people who enjoy spreading gossip behind our backs of untrue stories just because someone does not like us.

The question is, how do you confront someone like that? It is something that I have always been scared to do.

Well, generally you don't. I've learned NTs just distance themselves from people they don't like. So simply just shun the person, don't talk to them at all, etc. Then in standard NT fashion, tell all your friends "X person is such a liar." Then no confrontation happens, he loses you as a friend and has a reputation as a liar spread around.

Or just walk up to him and say "Yeah, that's BS." Or "You're full of s**t." Etc.

What about saying, "What in the world is wrong with you? You don't even know what you are talking about."

Are you looking to confront this person or shut down the rumor? Either way, I would be prepared for denial and/or some low-level bickering around it if you challenge the person who started the rumor directly.

You may just try going up to the person and stating the facts...

"Hey, I've heard people saying (whatever they've been saying). That's so weird! It's not even true!"

Let them know you know the rumors and that you're calling BS on what's being said. That way you're confronting the individual without putting them on the defensive.

You may want to add, "Have you heard anyone talking like this?" to the conversation to open up a dialogue, but, in my experience, this just brings up loads of denial.

So I want to do it in a polite way without being accusatory.

I heard someone use an example with me once "Hey, are your friends still talking about you?" They said "No, not anymore." Then they said, "Yeah gossip is bad," and just completely got quiet.

Is is a good form or is that passive aggressive?

People never admit to starting a rumour or telling false things about others to the victim's face. I find the victim likely leaves it alone and chances are, there will be one idiot that will come along and ask the victim about the rumour. At that point, you could ask the idiot where he heard the rumour from, but don't expect any names to be revealed. Disproving rumours isn't likely going to prove anything to others because, others are going to believe what they want to believe anyway.

Mmmm...I would not call that an idiot but someone who is rather gullible but at the same time smart for going to the source.

I happened to work with someone who did something similar after hearing some bizarre stories from another co-worker who loved to act like your friend and then purposely lied behind your back by twisting the truth. She had been gossiping about me behind my back and so this co-worker just came to confirm it with me.

In this case, I never bothered to confront this co-worker but just avoided her like the plague.

Anyway:

I recently let go of a girl who I thought was a friend and it turns out that she is one of those people who likes to create drama if you if she does not get what she wants. If she does, she is very sweet. "Believe me, you are my best friend and I can trust you.
You are coming on vacation with me and my mom."

I found out that she has been saying some pretty serious lies about me since I made it clear that I did not happen to agree or give into her behavior a few weeks ago. She even lies about her own friends all the time. "I don't like our other friend. He keeps trying to sneak into our pool." Finally, she will go far enough to lie about her own family as well.

Just don't have friends. That's how I solved problems like this.

Summer, unless the gossip is serious enough to cost you a job or something like that, I would simply let it slide and avoid the rumor-monger whenever possible. I would also be extremely careful not to act in a way that gives any credence to the rumors. This way, anybody who is interested in being your friend--anybody who takes the time to get to know you--will understand what is going on, and the rumors will become more a reflection on the rumor-monger than on you. The rumor-monger will do more damage to his own reputation than yours.

Lol-
The work situation has been long gone for two years now lol. I was just using it as an example since I was too scared to call that person out on their actions

The current one is due to a war going on between this other girl and I. She is currently going around and trying to spread drama about me and I caught her doing it again the other day. I did my best to just ignore her and invest my time in people who were nice.

Who gives a s**t...Stop letting people dictate your emotions at all.

I learned playing online games that my penis is smaller than every 12 year old boys...who also happen to be my step fathers to be. I don't care what anyone else thinks and this sometimes causes problems when I'm out with other people who do care.

For example: On the release day of The Hobbit I sat next to a girl who when she opened her mouth it was clear that she had eaten a skunks butthole before entering the theater. After her third time laughing I asked her to brush her teeth or keep her mouth shut because otherwise I was going to throw up in her lap. My fiancee later told me that this was bad manners and I should be embarrassed. I see no problem though because the girl didn't open her mouth anymore, thus solving my problem. Since I don't get embarrassed it wasn't an issue.

If a person want's to spread gossip then just play along with it...unless it will get you fired or something. If it's not a big deal at all then who cares? Get some real friends...

In my experience, it can be better to be able to approach a person and tell them the truth, being very forthright and clear. Of course, I was right there when this woman started to say something to someone, telling them I said one-thing, and I said right out, then and there, "That's not true, " and I proceeded to state what I had said, instead of letting the story she was telling, continue. I was at work and I was not going to let this woman, who, by the way, says she does not want to associate with "him", speaking of a co-worker of mine who happens to have add and aspergers. Ha ha, because I have autism. She was trying to get me to agree with her and thereby stop being a friend to my co-worker, who, yes, is easier for me to be friends with than any NT person. Don't know what anyone else thinks, but this worked for me at the moment. I really don't know about people telling lies about me, or creating much drama about me, or around me, I am usually pretty quiet so I don't get the effects of this aspect of "friendship".. in other words, people can't say anything bad about me at this point in my life. I leave people alone, and they leave me alone pretty much. It just seems so much easier.