Ways to politely interupt a conversation???

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Tohlagos
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08 Jul 2013, 11:48 am

I find myself constantly just standing there in a conversation wanting to say something, but at a loss of when to jump in or way to slow on doing so.

Anyone have any tips on when and how to (if possible) politely interupt?



EinsamVerwustung
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08 Jul 2013, 11:54 am

Offer them some taffy.



Cilantro
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08 Jul 2013, 12:15 pm

Conversations typically have lulls where people pause or pause longer between talking. That's the best time to join in.



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08 Jul 2013, 12:42 pm

But what if they don't ?
I have the same kind of problem.

For just one example, this one time the Warhammer 40K tutor guy from the local wargame club was talking to a 40K newbie about the game.
So, they were standing face to face. Club had just finished, so I was walking past when I heard a snatch of conversation which was about me.

I (rather eccentrically) declared "hey, my hears are burning" and theatrically walked the few steps back towards them with my ear cupped.

The tutor guy kept right on talking twenty to the dozen, and neither of them shifted round to imply that the discussion group had room for me to join.

It was impossible to figure out when to jump into the discussion.

I ended up kind of ... hovering about awkwardly, then gave up and just went home.



EmberEyes
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08 Jul 2013, 12:52 pm

Actually, if they don't 'make space' for you even though they are still talking, it means they don't want to include you in the discussion. I learned that the hard way.

I find that if I have something important to say, I just interrupt.
*pokes a shoulder* -Excuse me, your hair is on fire.

If it is just that I am interested in the subject and/or have something to add to the discussion, I try waiting for an opening, if there is none, I'll take the cue and leave.



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08 Jul 2013, 1:09 pm

Yup, that's what I reckoned was probably the case.
There's no point even trying to speak to people if they're being like that about it, I reckon.



thunderstorms
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08 Jul 2013, 1:15 pm

I often find I have some brief message I need to convey or question I need to ask someone while they are having an unrelated conversation with someone else. For example I am walking out the door and I need to tell my housemate not to get the milk because I already picked it up. Something as simple as that. Even so I have a hard time interrupting their conversation to say it. There are supposed to be lulls in conversation. Maybe its just the people I know but they never seem to stop talking :wink: I normally sidle in and keep glancing at both parties and they glance at me looking bemused but continue their conversation until me just standing there gets too awkward and then they pause and I kind of clear my throat and say whatever I need to say. This is probably a totally silly way to handle such a simple remark and it would be better to say in a direct way "sorry to interrupt"but...x y or z. I'd say you do have a right to join in. If you can get past the initial awkwardness of interrupting and continue with what you intended to say clearly then you are doing well. People actually interrupt each other all the time, they just do so confidently so it isn't as, I dunno noticeable? I never got the hang of this though. I think it is hard as well.



gigstalksguy
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08 Jul 2013, 2:39 pm

I've been in this situation countless number of times, you see a group of people chatting and your want to mix in but how do you find your 'window of opportunity' to enter the conversation?

In some cases it's worth being prepared. Technically you can interrupt any group by approaching to the side and saying "hey guys, quick question" (indicating that you're only interrupting briefly) and then have a question in mind with a limited number of options to answer. Also have a reason, or root in mind for your question. An example could be 'which is most important, having your own house of own car?' then gently point your hand towards (not in a pointy way of course) each member of the group and ask them for their answer, and have a reason in mind for your answer, that could be to do with a story about someone you know, or just make up a reason. Quite often people's conversations are boring and you may be able to change the conversation entirely using this approach.

This isn't guarrenteed to work every time, but in principle it is good to enter a discussion with a slightly stronger frame and level of energy than what they have at the time.


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EmberEyes
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08 Jul 2013, 2:42 pm

thunderstorms wrote:
I often find I have some brief message I need to convey or question I need to ask someone while they are having an unrelated conversation with someone else. For example I am walking out the door and I need to tell my housemate not to get the milk because I already picked it up.
Oh, I'm such a chicken! In a case like that, I'll just leave, then text them when I get outside or to the busstop or whatever, a few minutes later and say something like 'Oh, I forgot to tell you, XYZ'. Then I don't have to interrupt and I don't have to stand around and hope someone will notice me.

Another way, and this is probably really stupid and corny, but I'll raise/wave my hand, like in school. I don't do this in any setting or with all people, but it works in family/friends settings (not in the public though, then they will look at you funny). Actually I do that in my department at work. We are a small department, only 10 people, so we know each other pretty well. They are used to me bein weird.



alwaystomorrow
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11 Jul 2013, 5:58 am

gigstalksguy wrote:
In some cases it's worth being prepared. Technically you can interrupt any group by approaching to the side and saying "hey guys, quick question" (indicating that you're only interrupting briefly) and then have a question in mind with a limited number of options to answer. Also have a reason, or root in mind for your question. An example could be 'which is most important, having your own house of own car?' then gently point your hand towards (not in a pointy way of course) each member of the group and ask them for their answer, and have a reason in mind for your answer, that could be to do with a story about someone you know, or just make up a reason.
Oh, that's a good one! I already do a variation of that when I'm already included, but need to change the topic for whatever reason (most often because it's upsetting or boring to me, but I don't want everyone to focus on the ~*~reasons I feel uncomfortable~*~) -- the best things are those that'll spark a debate and distract people from the topic at hand. The only problem is coming up with new ones ... :oops:

EmberEyes wrote:
Another way, and this is probably really stupid and corny, but I'll raise/wave my hand, like in school. I don't do this in any setting or with all people, but it works in family/friends settings (not in the public though, then they will look at you funny). Actually I do that in my department at work. We are a small department, only 10 people, so we know each other pretty well. They are used to me bein weird.
I do that! A lot of people among my group of friends do that, actually. We're all quirky, and sometimes people just ... run off with the opportunity to talk interests with other people interested in the same stuff, which can make it hard for others to get a word in. Cases like that, a raised hand and an "uh, guys?" works wonders.

[Edited to add] I went off topic there, huh. :oops:
Relevant to OP question: in social settings where I don't have a friend or two to stick to, I'll usually try to find a group that talks about something I can contribute to in whatever way. Then I'll stand next to that group, listen for a while, do the "riiiight"s and "uh-huh"s and "mh-hm"s required, and try to get the 'rhythm' of the conversation. Then I either answer a question or ask one of my own. That'll usually do the job to get me included in the conversation. Friends have remarked they'd never dare to just go up to a group and 'butt in' on the topic, but when my only other option is small talk with random strangers or standing on the edge of the room feeling sorry for myself while somewhat interesting conversation is going on elsewhere ...



skcuf
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12 Jul 2013, 10:52 am

Why would you want to have a conversation? I don't get it. Either way I've had lots of people join my conversations as I can't really control the volume of my voice and I seem to talk fairly loud and when no one else is talking. If you encounter someone like me who is talking loud and find their conversation interesting or have something to say then just say it. If they don't want you to join in then they'll give you a weird look or not respond. Then walk away and enjoy the fact that they're not worthy of your time.



Tohlagos
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12 Jul 2013, 11:59 am

EmberEyes wrote:

Another way, and this is probably really stupid and corny, but I'll raise/wave my hand, like in school.


I have done the same thing! I have done it in public as well, but on a more subtle approach: just raising my arm at the elbow and waving a few fingers.



Tohlagos
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12 Jul 2013, 12:03 pm

Cilantro wrote:
Conversations typically have lulls where people pause or pause longer between talking. That's the best time to join in.


Yes, but even if there are lulls, I am still "processing" what was just said, but by the time I get through with that, they have already started the next section.

Maybe, I can take a "shortcut" approach to interrupting/ joining a conversation.

Instead of coming in with a few sentences to add immediately, perhaps a one word response or saying something like "Wait a minute..," or "what about?"

There is usually a pause in such a response from the others waiting on you to finish. That maybe enough time to formulate more conversation depending on the topic.



Tohlagos
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12 Jul 2013, 12:04 pm

EmberEyes wrote:
Actually, if they don't 'make space' for you even though they are still talking, it means they don't want to include you in the discussion. I learned that the hard way.


Oh good point! I never thought of that. Thanks for the tip, I'll keep that in mind.



jerry00
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12 Jul 2013, 2:17 pm

Often its not possible. But if they're talking and I have something to add, it happens so rarely, I'll just shout it until they listen whether they want to or not.



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12 Jul 2013, 11:20 pm

Tohlagos wrote:
EmberEyes wrote:
Actually, if they don't 'make space' for you even though they are still talking, it means they don't want to include you in the discussion. I learned that the hard way.


Oh good point! I never thought of that. Thanks for the tip, I'll keep that in mind.


I was thinking the same. If they don't include you in the conversation, THEY are the ones having conversational challenges. My mom is like that (hate to admit it). She will spend 95% of a 2 hour conversation talking to dead air.. and THEN she'll ask "what's new with you?" By that point, I'm so exhausted, I usually respond with something like, "Not much." LOL