creeping people out by being too friendly too soon?

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I think, especially since I crave close friendships, that I may be coming on too strong to people and creeping them out. I have just had this theory now, and I'm figuring out ways to prevent it. When I met someone new and they are friendly to me, I think I get over excited thinking we can be close friends. I don't think I pace myself and end up contacting them way to often and also maybe expecting more from them in regards to showing they want to be friends. Then I get frustrated, upset and sometimes angry that this person doesn't want to know me, but I've been trying to see if from their point of view and maybe I am confusing them/weirding them out by expecting to be close friends in a matter of weeks/ months.

I've come to the conclusion that close friendships take years to form for NT's and I am being impatient. Now what I'm planning to do is instead of getting hurt by the apparent lack of interest from people, I'm going to group them in my acquaintances pile ( if there was such a thing as a friendship "pile" :p) and when we talk sound Happy to hear from them/ enthusiastic but not overly so, and be patient, and just let the friendship grow naturally.

Does anyone else have the same problem with being impatient in regards to friendships? I'd be interested to know.

All the damn time!

It seems the easy bonding in the NT world - where people become BFF's lasts about as long as school or maybe into college/university.
From there it takes having a common bond, or a close connection to become close friends.
Work colleagues who are on the same team and sit near each other tend to become close friends, or at least that's my observation.

I have always either come on too strong or come across as aloof - I have difficulty judging how close I should be or get, and tend to over do it either one way or the other.

Essentially it's a social skill, and like any other skill, the only way to improve it is with practice.
It's really up to you how to do it, but I'd suggest joining some sort of group you have something in common with, or that you are interested in learning about.
That way you have a context for interaction, and it takes some of the pressure off.

We'll always be a bit odd, but if we can get people to understand us we can still make friends; and that only happens by trial and error.

NT's don't really bond all that tightly. Aspies have a tendency to be very loyal.

Part of your issue is that you're thinking about it, if you do that while swinging a piece of sporting equipment (golf clubs, baseball bat, tennis racket) things are likely to go haywire.
And you're thinking about it afterwards. Second guessing actually.

Behavior Revision is challenging and complicated but it can be done successfully and quickly and naturally. I'd bet you'd like to feel a lot more calm and happy and confident during and after these situations.
You now know what direction you want to go, so you're ahead of the game and making the change can be quick, comfortable and durable if you do it right.

I can help you lock the new attitude into place, it's free (for now). Though donations to help Homeless Aspies are welcome. StabilizingAutism/unsolicited-advice and StabilizingAutism/what-par-can-do

I often creep people out just by being nice to them. it is though they expect me to be the typical ahole or something.

... yes. That is one of the reasons I gave up on having friends many years ago, except for online and one special person in particular, who seems for the most part to be able to put up with me and my oddities.

Many times in the past I've had people walk away from me after I have talked much too friendly/open, too much detail. I remember the last time it happened, and afterwards I vowed to stop talking to people in real life, except to be polite and kind at the grocery store, and stuff like that.

but something makes me keep trying, eventually i'll find a horse if I keep digging, under that big pile of manure.

a clarification of my manure post-
related to the old "pony joke" that was an old story about the optimistic child of poor parents who wanted a horse more than anything for Christmas, and when he awoke xmas morning and found a big pile of manure in the barn, he figured "there's gotta be a pony under there someplace." IOW the horse=friendship, and digging under the pile of manure is all the failed attempts at finding friendship before hitting pay dirt. capiche?

auntblabby, sorry I didn't understand the relevance of your story.

I'm never sure what it is that people want. When I'm in a group I know people hate the one who says nothing and is too awkward to speak up. So to make up for this I try to be overly nice, and then they feel I'm creeping them out. I mean give me break. These are the same people who when you're not friendly say that you're stuck up and conceited. So what do you do? When you show an interest in them they get all creeped out, and don't want your concerns. But when you don't show an interest in them they moan and complain about how nobody likes them, and what a jerk you are. Honestly I give up. Friends are more trouble than it's worth.

[quote="1401b"
    Often I find that people will act weird like this, if you're nice without a reason (that they can see) it's like "What are you trying to get from me?"
    Kinda cynical of them, if you think about it.[/quote]


It took me a long time to get this and when I figured it out it made no sense to me because I was just being polite and nice -I never asked for anything. Their reaction was illogical... but then again we are talking about NT's.

I have learned to restrain my being nice because if I don't then I act more like the Terminator or Spock and give people the cold shoulder, when I had no intention for that. So for me, moderation helped some what.

Another thing I noticed was that if I was nice to a girl, many times they would think I was attracted to them (when I wasn't) and of course that would creep them out. So, again I had to learn moderation, but it is harder with women for some reason. Being married helped, especially if I flashed the ring (another subtle thing I had to learn), but I dunno... some days I feel that having email, texting, etc., is easier and more efficient, than face to face.

The suspicious reactions may be due to the fact that there are actually people who do play nice, exaggerate themselves, and/or lie sweetly to get what they want.