Is there a difference between naivity and weakness?

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I've been thinking hard about this lately. I do seem to fear being alone and friendless, and so I tend to stick to whoever chooses to hang out with me. I will stick with them even if they take to criticising or being bossy or making me feel nervous or uncomfortable, I still rather be with them than on my own because I like the idea of having people to interact and go about with, instead of being completely lonely. If people give me a chance, I can get along with anybody and I come to like people's company. Even if they are using me, I am still just happy going about with them (although I prefer not to be used). But if I keep giving up on people just because they have some quirks that may annoy or upset me, I don't think I would ever know when to find the right people. Also I tend to force myself to believe everything people say, even if I think I don't, because I fear conflict. Also I forgive very easily.

But all that doesn't mean I miss body language and other non-verbal social things. I am very sharp on body language, I can pick it up easily and I can tell what's on people's mind (to an extent, I'm not trying to sound like a superhuman who can magically read minds, but you know what I mean). But I just turn a blind eye to it all (although I'm fully aware of it), probably because I am weak and am afraid to remain alone or to have conflicts. In the past, standing up for myself have caused me some terrible conflicts with friends who aren't my friends any more.

So I suppose weakness can make someone look like they're naive, but they're not really naive. Does ''naive'' mean ''mis-interpreting social cues and not understanding body language at the right times'', and ''weakness'' mean ''recognising all 'warning signs' but still sticking with them because of fear of conflict or upsetting them''? Because I very much feel I am the latter, not the former.

In general if people are making you feel uncomfortable or are willing to break off a friendship when you don't agree with them or make you feel upset, then they are not your friends and I would question their motives for pretending they are. Though I realise the situation is not really that straight forward as people with Aspergers can find it hard to make 'real' or 'true' friends like others do, so it's either the choice between people who you know are using you and are not really true friends, or be lonely and have no friends. I don't mean to be so blunt, but from what you have written you more or less acknowledge they are not the type of friends you would like to have if you had an open choice.

As for the meaning of the word naive I would say it has to do with lacking 'common sense' or not being aware of things that people think are obvious or something that you would be expected to know or know how to do. Do I think you are naive or are showing weakness by still hanging out with the people? No, I don't, mainly because you realise the reality of the situation and take it for what it is. You hang out with the people knowing that they may not be real friends but you do so because you enjoy the social interaction. It's also not a weakness to want to have friends and to find ways of fulfilling that wish that are not always conventional. The ideal scenario would be to find some friends who like you for who you are, who you have lot's in common with and who care about you and listen to your views and opinions and treat you with respect. However we don't live in an ideal world and I would imagine there are a lot of people with Aspergers who attempt a scenario similar to yours to try and grasp some of the social interaction and feeling of inclusion that most people with Aspergers want, but find so hard to find.

Your thinking seems very black and white IMO. For example, either you cut off your friendships OR you allow them to disrespect you. You are, however, smart enough to have this awareness and maybe you need to focus more on that.

If you don't know how to handle your friends' behaviours then THAT'S what you'll need to work on. It'll be a good learning lesson for you and it'll teach you how to be assertive and not edgy, sensitive and/or passive.

How? That's the hard part.
Post more about what these friends are doing specifically (if this forum is helpful for you). What are they saying/doing? Create a thread just on this topic and we can give you some pointers that may help.

People have the ability to alter their behaviours according to their environment because that's how socially appropriate people behave: a church, a library, a party, with grandma, with their buddy, and with the person they love. If you don't show self-worth, people are not going to care about you much either.

Indeed.

I dunno, I see naivete and weakness on two different planes.

Naivete concerns the degree to which you fail to learn from your mistakes. Weakness relates more to how much you get emotionally crushed by them.

Well I know it's just weakness because I'm not very good at making friends and also I fear standing up for myself.

I have a few friends but I always hang out with one at a time because most of them don't know each other. One of my friends is an Aspie, and she doesn't criticise me at all, and she just accepts me for who I am so I don't feel like I'm under any pressure for anything.
One of my other friends is NT (well, sometimes I wonder if she has ADHD but I can't be sure), and she's OK but has taken to criticisng, by believing her own opinions are everyone else's opinions when I know they aren't. She's nice to me, she invites me round for lunch 1 to 3 times a week and we go out together like take a trip to somewhere on a train, which is nice for me and I do enjoy her company (I am not a user). But sometimes she gets something into her head about me then criticises, making me feel like I'm under pressure to go by her rules. I know she might be trying to help but she criticises the things I am happy with about myself and don't want changing.

She criticises me for wearing trainers with half-masts. I do see a lot of people wearing trainers with half-masts, because for me to wear sandals it has to be really warm with no chilly breeze or undercurrent in the air, otherwise my feet get cold easily. So she said, ''why don't you get a pair of those canvas shoes?'' I said I did, but I couldn't get on with them, so she said, ''get a softer pair then.'' I actually did, but I still didn't get on with them. My feet felt too enclosed and I just feel more comfortable in trainers. Then she once criticised me for having a scarf on when it was milder than it has been last February. I was only 10 celcius, which is still quite chilly for me to go out without a scarf on, although I wore my thin jacket. She said, ''you look stupid with that on, people will think you're a nutter'', and I thought, ''I don't think so'', and when we got into the high street I saw that a lot of people had scarves on. She did shut up after I could prove that she was wrong.

She's OK most of the time but I do hate it when she gets into one of those moods where she keeps criticising everything I do.

Ok, it's not so bad then. She's a bit critical, yes, so instead of giving her reasons or excuses to justify yourself with - just say, "Just because." If she continues with, "People will think you're a nutter.." say, "I'm ok with that."

End of conversation .. and change subject.