How can people tell this?

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How can people tell that your very vain or arrogent without telling them that you are?

By the things a person talks about, and how they talk about them.

For example, someone who always talks about herself, almost never talks about other people except to compare them to herself, tries to change the subject if the conversation isn't about her, is vain.

By the way you act?

I myself cannot detect arrogance in others, but as far as I understand it:
If you talk to a person about one of that person's shortcomings that you don't have, and that person cares about it, you are perceived as being arrogant.
For example: if a rich person says to a poor person "Ah... if only you could at least pay your bills, you would be able to buy that awesome computer that I have", that will probably be perceived by the poor person as arrogant.

This probably isn't an all-encompassing rule, but that's how I see it.

EDIT: Come to think of it, a better rule could be: If a person knows/thinks that you are deliberately invoking envy in him, either explicitly or implicitly, he will detect that you are arrogant.