My boyfriend interrupts me mid-sentence

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There's this couple we both know at work who have recently split up rather unexpectedly, and this morning my boyfriend brought it up to me as like a gossip sort of thing. He said, "I wonder why they'd just split up just like that?" So I said, "well, in my opinion I think it might have been because he's got baggage and she--" And then my boyfriend changed the subject literally right there. And that isn't the only time he's done this.

In this situation the Aspie normally gets blamed because we're assumed that we're "missing a social cue" or "not noticing that the NT party is bored", but really I definitely know that he wasn't bored, as 1, he's the one who brought it up, 2, NTs normally like gossip, and 3, the conversation had only just started. If people got bored that quick and was acceptable to just interrupt mid-sentence as soon as one gets bored then social interaction would be rather difficult for everybody.

My boyfriend is NT, as he displays no ASD signs, and he doesn't have ADHD or learning difficulties, but he seems quite difficult when having a conversation, because he just abruptly interrupts mid-sentence. And it's not like he's hard of hearing, I just think he's not listening half the time.

Does anyone else know a person like this?

Everybody I know (which isn't many people) does this.

I would've done the same as you did, but I do think you might have broken a certain social rule here... I think that, according to social rules, you were supposed to answer his question with something vaque like: "I wonder that too", "I'm sure they had their reasons", "who knows" etc. and leave it at that but instead you started listing your actual thoughts on the matter which, as far as I know, is often a strict no no if you aren't clearly planning on taking the side of one or the other half of the broken up couple. Why it's like this, I don't know, but from what I've seen this is how it goes. I think your boyfriend was just wondering it out loud without actually wanting to talk about it. From what I've seen, some people do this a lot.

Guys often do this to women.

They also do this in business, in the boardroom, and in political debate.

There are studies if you care to look.

So it gave him the right to interrupt mid-sentence?
Why do people on the spectrum always make it out that no matter how annoying the NTs intentions are, it's still always the Aspie that caused the NT to do the annoying thing, instead of just admitting that NTs can have annoying habits? It's always "oh the NT party behaved that way because you missed a social cue because you're an Aspie".
I see people talk about people all the time, sometimes starting from a rhetorical question. People on WP are always saying that NTs are always chatting and gossiping and socialising all the time, always having something to say to each other, so if this rule about not turning a rhetorical question into a conversation then how the hell do people find things to talk about?
Me and my boyfriend are very close, we talk about things together. A few weeks ago I said along the lines of "I wonder why..." and he answered with a set of facts, and these were facts not illogical gossip, the facts were going over my head, but I didn't interrupt him. I just said, "OK, I didn't ask for a detailed description, you know" (but in a jokey sort of way, not yelling).

I've noticed that people do this sometimes, and some people seem to do it more often than others. I try not to take it personally. But if I feel that what I am saying is important, I think I would ask if they heard what I said. As in, "Did you hear me when I said that your shirt is on fire??"

Maybe you could somehow say something about this in a joking way, like you did in the other situation.

It's been my experience that such individuals really aren't interested in you or your thoughts or opinions. They are so busy formulating clever repartee in their own minds that they don't actually hear anything you say, and they're sufficiently egocentric that they really don't care what you have to say, either.

Because you're an aspie woman and he's an NT man.

I don't always believe in intersectionality but this is one of the cases where I do.

Either accept it (society isn't fair) or stand up for yourself and say 'that was rude, as I was saying...' and continue as before.

Either one is a political act so choose whether you want to stand up for women/aspies/yourself or not, in this particular circumstance.

Before guys say 'my NT girlfriend does this to me too', yes, this is what intersectional means. It's more likely to happen to aspies and more likely to happen to women. It's even more likely to happen to aspie women but that doesn't mean the other groups don't also get a heightened risk of it.

And rude people do this to everyone all the time. Just because someone's NT doesn't mean they're not rude.

Also not everyone who has rude habits is mean so I'm not saying your bf is a bad person, he probably just feels subconsciously like it's his place to talk over you His conscious mind wouldn't admit that, it's simply what society's taught him.

My boyfriend interrupts me too. I rarely tell things but when I do he interrupts me and starts to talk about something completely different or do something else. It's quite annoying.

At work sometimes it helps to stop talking and just let the man talk until he realizes that he will never get me to answer the question he asked if I'm just listening. It is impolite to interrupt a customer.

Yes and no. I don't think it gave him a right to interrupt you, but I think that he thought it was okay to interrupt you so that you wouldn't break the rule more.

As for why he thought it was fine to interrupt you, I think that it's probably socially correct to answer certain thoughts of other people with facts, but that it's not okay to start listing answers to other kind of things. Why it goes like this, I don't know, in fact I don't even know if it really goes like this, but this is the impression I've gotten. You know, that it's perfectly fine to talk about certain things in a certain way, but talking in that exact same way about some other thing is not okay.

And no, I'm not making this stuff up, this is just the impression I've gotten about things from my own observations and explanations from NTs.

So facts are OK, even though NTs prefer opinions, emotions and gossip?

By the way I wanted to tell him my opinions about the couple splitting up, whether he wanted to know or not. The couple splitting up was the "top gossip" at work at the time, so I just wanted to get what I thought about it off my chest, and I thought it was the right time to say it when my boyfriend brought it up at the dinner table. That's what we normally do when eating dinner, we talk about stuff, especially about work. We work under the same company but not in the same department, but we know the same people.

I think it depends on the topic and the timing when facts are okay, when opinions and when people should just stay quiet. You need to try and "read the mood", yet you can never know for sure and what's okay with one person might not be so with the next. That's what makes socializing so hard.

Believe me, it was the "right time".

I can't be bothered to keep explaining such a teeny tiny social cue here, it's just a conversation me and my boyfriend had at a dinner table about people at work, which you can't get much more mainstream than that, and I just got a little annoyed when he interrupted mid-sentence. That wasn't the only time he done it, and he's the only person I know who does it, so it can't always be me breaking this weird rule, I think it's just a habit he's got. Maybe a lot of men interrupt their wives.

Yes. Everyone. It happens to me constantly--from men and women (despite what other posters are implying). I think it's because I tend to look away if eye contact bothers me, and most people take this as a cue that you're done speaking, even if you've only given an incomplete thought. If I take a pause because speaking is hard or I'm trying to find words, they don't interpret this as thinking--they think I'm done. Strangely, the actual words I'm using seem to be the last part of my communication which they consider.

Despite what clinicians say, NTs are not especially skilled at communication. They have a style of communicating based on how they think, just as ND people have a style of communication based on how they think. NTs just consider themselves the human being, not a kind of human being. The approach NTs have to autistic communication seems to be if the autistic person isn't understood, it's the autistic person's fault; and if the NT isn't understood, it's the autistic person's fault. They can tell you when you're socially inappropriate (to their standards), but it's considered rude if you correct a factual error they make, etc., etc. But, I'm digressing a bit

In this case it just sounds like your boyfriend was just being rude. Now and again my girlfriend does similar things, but she usually catches herself and realizes I was still talking.

When people are rude to you it's worth standing up for yourself sometimes.

Even if someone is doing something 'socially correct', if it hurts you and they're a partner, a much loved friend, or a family member, say something.

A lot of aspies have been made to feel as if whatever they say is wrong or whatever they feel in social situations is wrong. Just because someone is NT doesn't make them right, the main thing is that nobody gets hurt in the conversation.

And yes, sex has an impact. But it's an intersectional thing so aspie men will suffer more than average and NT women will talk over aspie men. Also, it does happen to everyone to an extent and everyone does it. It just changes if it's forgiven or not.

I'm lucky because I'm a masculine woman who doesn't allow herself to get spoken over, and white and middle class. Even though I'm short and young looking and aspie, once someone gets to know me they know not to do this unless they have genuine issues with doing it to everyone. I will point it out. I wish I could point it out when they do it to the more feminine people I know and the more autistic people, and the deaf people, I know but it's only taken seriously if someone does this for themselves and I don't wish to patronise.

Some aspies do interrupt just because that's what their own impulse is. My stepdad who I think is aspie is awful for this. But most aspies, if you tell them not to do that, will learn it as a rule - sometimes too strictly as a rule. NTs are rubbish at rules but should have this stuff as instinct anyway so when they deviate from it, it's usually out of disrespect.