Improvement process: A brutally honest self assessment.

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At first, I blamed my employees. I said they weren't working hard enough, they didn't get my vision, they weren't talented enough--whatever excuse I could find--but it was all BS. It was mostly me. In fact, it was all me. Even the things they were doing wrong (and there were some) were my fault. Why? Because I am in charge. It's all my fault. If Luke is a bit neurotic and has trouble focusing, than yes, it is his problem on one level, but ultimately it is my problem because being the leader means it is my job to help him solve his issue and be the best employee he can be. If I wanted this company to be what knew it could be, I had to make the changes necessary, and over the past 2-4 months, I have done it. OK, so how did I do it? It is basically a three step process:

1. Admit there is a problem: After all, you cannot fix what you do not acknowledge, and I had to acknowledge that I was a sh***y leader. This requires hyper-honesty on your part--it is not easy to admit that there is something wrong with you, because that implies that you either have to fix it, or willfully ignore it. It's easier to pretend there is no problem at all. I figured it out sometime in mid-October. Things were coming to a head in numerous different places; the company was not on the verge of collapse, but the cracks in the foundation were beginning to show. I recognized this and most importantly, I realized that the only thing truly broken about the company was me. I had to either face this fact and become the leader that was needed to run Rudius Media, or I had to just shut it down. When faced with this hard fact, I choose the same course this girl choose--change and improvement.

2. Identify the specific issues: Saying I was a sh***y leader what not enough--what was I doing that was sh***y? What behavior or actions were causing the problems? You can admit that something is broken and needs to be fixed, but you can't fix that thing until you know what specific part is broken. To figure this out, you have to be willing to almost brutally self-examine. I not only looked deeply and honestly at my behavior, I went to Bunny and some of my employees and asked them for honest feedback. Thankfully, I hired the type of people who gave it to me. It is a good friend who will tell you the things you need to hear, even if they aren't pleasant. I also looked to my mentors for guidance; I sat down and re-read Robert Greene's "33 Strategies of War," and re-read "Genghis Khan and the Making of the Western World," and Marcus Aurelius and realized that I was being a f*****g brat. I was blaming other people for my problems, I was expecting others to form themselves to my leadership style (when the reverse is what should happen), and I was acting like I was entitled to success instead of working my ass off for it. [This is only the beginning of the problems, but I don't want to spend a month writing out my flaws. Those were the big ones.]

3. Once you know you have a problem and you have identified what the problem is, keep testing solutions until you find one that works: For me, it was a trial and error process, and I very much relied upon the wisdom of others like Robert Greene, Genghis Khan and Julius Caesar (and some other employees and firends), but I figured it out. For almost everything I identified that I had to fix, I would try something new and then go through a mental checklist, something like this, "Did I get the result I wanted? Why not? Did I do it wrong, or is this just not a solution? What was wrong about it? What else can I do to get the result I want? What does [wise person X] say about this?"

I still have a LONG way to go until I become a great leader, but I am now at least an effective leader, and on the right path to becoming great (and the employees are all now pretty much doing awesome. They are still the same people, it was a different attitude from me made all the difference).

And know this--improvement is a never ending process. I have used this basic process to constantly improve myself over the course of my whole life, and I expect to use it for the rest of my life. Each time you cycle through it, you get a little better, and you just keep doing it until you become the person you want to be. And then some other issue will arise, and you do it again. Life is not a result, it is a process.