Is it bad that I don't notice until it's too late?

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I've begun to realize that there are more times that I think that I may have insulted people or given the impression that I was trying to be mean to people lately, because I've just recently been interacting with people who don't know me and the way that I am.
What I'm about to explain, now that I think about it, has happened many times throughout my relatively shortish life, but I just noticed two situations that I realized may have gone wrong and or confusingly on the same day that they happened.

1) I was walking with my mom in Home Depot, following a man who was showing us where the screen door meshes were that we needed to convert a guinea pig cage to a rat cage. Once we arrived there, he questioned what we were going to use it for, and I explained the rat cage situation. He then said that he had a rat before. I asked if he only had one, and he did only have one. On casual impulse, I said, "Oh, that's terrible." He stared at me with a pause that lasted for a little bit more than a long feeling two seconds. He asked why that is, and I began to feel hesitant, and I said, "Well, because they don't like that." I was going to explain about all of the depressive symptoms that can happen to a rat without a cage mate, even if you spend 24/7 with it. He said, "Well, we played with it." By now he was stuttering with his words. Later on that same day, I began to realize that I may have made that man feel strange.

2) This one I seriously don't know why this was bad, but I received the same type of stare that the man at Home Depot showed me, so that is why I am bringing it up.
I was standing at my locker in the morning before classes began at school, putting my backpack into my locker. A teacher who I don't know approached me and said, "Do you know what your jacket reminds me of?" It wasn't a jacket, but I said, "No, but I have a feeling that you're going to tell me." I said no, because I can't know what it reminds me of unless she says it, and I had a feeling that she'd tell me, because a lot of times when people say that, they tell you anyway, as if they didn't really want to know if you already knew. She then did the same stare that the other man did that lasted a little over a long two seconds, and then she said, "I take it that you don't really care." I then began to make some sound of confusion, and I said something like, "Uh, no, I-" and then she began to say, "Never mind," as I said, "W- What were you going to say?" She continued to walk away, while putting her hand up at me.
I seriously don't know what went wrong there, but she made the same stare, so I think that something bad must've happened.

I only notice these things until it's too late, because I seriously don't think that they'd turn into bad situations. I say things on an entirely casual impulse, and they turn out bad. Why does this happen? What can I do to change it just a little?

We on the spectrum do tend to put our feet into our mouths a lot. Don't know of any cure for it, short of not speaking at all. Since I'm a hermit that tends to work well for me.

'tis better to keep silent and as a fool be thought, than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

I've found that because of my TOM issues I often don't anticipate the effects my comments may have. Do not say everything that pops into your head. There are too many variable repercussions that we can't predict. In the first example you judged the worker by telling him that he hadn't adequately cared for his pet (that's terrible.} This is an insult and shouldn't be taken lightly. In the second example you inadvertently used a phrase that is used to show impatience and irritation.
I used to say things like this all the time, now I rarely say much. I feel more comfortable keeping my own counsel.

When I first read that, I completely forgot about the little saying that means. I was about to respond explaining that I do not put my feet in my mouth. Hehe, I don't hear that saying very often.

Well, in the second one I wasn't actually impatient; I was just explaining to her that I did not know what it reminded her of and that I was predicting that she'd tell me, because it usually goes that way, but it didn't this time, because she walked away from me.
I don't often understand what classifies an insult. I was just stating a.... Statement in my mind. Trying not to say a lot that pops unto my head will be hard... My counselor said that I'm definitely impulsive. What is TOM?

TOM is Theory of Mind. I don't really understand it, but it has to do with being aware of things apart from yourself. I know you weren't impatient, but she probably thought you were. Phrases can have meanings apart from what we mean. (If that makes any sense. ) It's less about expressing ourselves than about how the other person will be effected by our comments.
Sometimes I wish I could be more verbal, but I just can't get the hang of it. For me it's better to be an "observer."

Oh, hm, alright. Well, at least now I'll have something to talk about when I go to my counselor next week, because I am supposed to keep going to talk about confusing things that happen.
"It's less about expressing ourselves than about how the other person will be effected by our comments."
Well, I always thought that communication was for expressing yourself whether or not the other person will be happy about it.

It is, but you have to choose what to express based on the predicted consequences and based on the need to express something. If it doesn't really matter to you if the person knows what you are thinking, then you don't have to express it. I find a lot of times I feel that I should be saying something, but if I resist this impulse often the other person will continue to give me more information and it gives me time to prepare a response.

But, for the second problem, if I didn't say anything to her slightly not necessary question, she would have still stared at me probably instead of giving me more information.
I wish that things like this wouldn't seem to escalate to something extremely difficult seeming.

But, for the second problem, if I didn't say anything to her slightly not necessary question, she would have still stared at me probably instead of giving me more information.
I wish that things like this wouldn't seem to escalate to something extremely difficult seeming.

Just stick with something like "what?" and let her direct the conversation. She initiated the interaction so she has something to say.

So, should I just ask her what she is planning on saying? (If this were to happen again that is)

I'd just leave it. If she wants to approach you again for some reason, she will. It seems like just a random passing.

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I seriously don't know what went wrong there, but she made the same stare, so I think that something bad must've happened.

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I totally get you, I mean this happens to me all the time and it bugs the heck out of me too. Generally I've noticed that these kinds of awkward encounters tent to happen when you're feeling too tense to serious. This then kinda leads to the whole taking things literally and logical thinking taking over.

Last edited by Pitabread123 on 09 Oct 2013, 10:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

When 13 year old pupils say "I have a feeling that you're going to tell me" they're usually sarcastic and talking back. If I had said it at 13, I would have been. It could also be an annoyed response as many that age don't really wish to hear what the oldies have to say.
She said "I take it that you don't really care" to which you said "no".
You gave her signals all the way there that you were being snarky and didn't want to hear what she had to say.

A better reply from you would be something that didn't give her that idea. When someone says "do you know what that jacket reminds me of?" they're not asking you if you know. They want an encouragement from you to go on. Saying "No?" in a questioningly manner would work better. That gives her an incentive to continue with what she wanted to say.


Because we tend to not think about how it comes off to others, and that things we often don't even give any thought to (unless we're on the receiving end) is a wrong signal to others.


Learn from the mistakes you have made and avoid doing the same in a similar situation in the future. Some trial and error is unavoidable as no two situations are the same. Stay aware of what's going on and pay attention.