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saraip
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30 Jul 2013, 4:26 am

So here is the deal - I withdrew from all social life about 2.5 years ago when I started working freelance - which incidentally is what led me to suspect that I was an Aspie, but that took about a year... and now I am about to emigrate and I will have to start rebuilding a social life (particularly because I have a substance abuse issue that is triggered by my lack of socialising, unless I hang around with people who also use, but I do not want to do that anymore). Now I have two months left before I go and I am freaking out!! Fortunately I am going to Germany, where people are apparently less into physical contact and mandatory greeting of everyone you come into contact with... (stereotype, I know, but different to here, surely).
Firstly, have you ever taken a social hiatus for a number of years and how did you re-emerge into social life?
Secondly, have you ever moved to a new country and had to make friends again? I moved schools a lot as a child, so I was forced to become good at introducing myself and getting into (the least threatening) social group, but as I grew older, I realised that it might be better to find friends that you have things in common with (not drug abuse!) - not really sure how to do that though.

Any advice appreciated!



2knurd
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30 Jul 2013, 5:28 am

I'm not really good at coming out of reclusion, but I'm German - so if you have questions regarding Germany, let me know.



cberg
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30 Jul 2013, 6:44 pm

Besides an excess of partying I got past some time ago, I haven't had much in the way of substance troubles, but I can tell you this. Since the seventh grade I've been studying code to the point of blistered fingers with the eventual goal of becoming a freelance I.T. or software configuration guy. Last year when I tried an AS focused private school, rather than my American public ones, I was a contracted Android developer (telecommuting). After that, I was an iPhone application tester. This meant roughly 18 months of pretty much no meaningful socialization, during which I completed my high school diploma on my own and kept living at home out of frugality and need of a car to go get some exercise in the mountains. Since I started reading into what went with my own case of Aspergers (whatever you like to call it) my social life came back into existence. In my case, only through working towards an intimate relationship (not something I'm remotely done with) have I began relating to strangers more easily and warming up to old friends faster. That and I listen to lots of batshit crazy music. I'm sure you know Die Antwoord! :twisted:

edit: This is a truly horrible country in which to be interested in hacking. I'm strongly considering college in Vancouver, British Colombia, so I'll try and remember to keep you posted if I go that direction, college or not.


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saraip
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30 Jul 2013, 11:02 pm

2knurd wrote:
I'm not really good at coming out of reclusion, but I'm German - so if you have questions regarding Germany, let me know.


PM sent - thanks for the offer!



saraip
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31 Jul 2013, 12:28 pm

cberg wrote:
Besides an excess of partying I got past some time ago, I haven't had much in the way of substance troubles, but I can tell you this. Since the seventh grade I've been studying code to the point of blistered fingers with the eventual goal of becoming a freelance I.T. or software configuration guy. Last year when I tried an AS focused private school, rather than my American public ones, I was a contracted Android developer (telecommuting). After that, I was an iPhone application tester. This meant roughly 18 months of pretty much no meaningful socialization, during which I completed my high school diploma on my own and kept living at home out of frugality and need of a car to go get some exercise in the mountains. Since I started reading into what went with my own case of Aspergers (whatever you like to call it) my social life came back into existence. In my case, only through working towards an intimate relationship (not something I'm remotely done with) have I began relating to strangers more easily and warming up to old friends faster. That and I listen to lots of batshit crazy music. I'm sure you know Die Antwoord! :twisted:

edit: This is a truly horrible country in which to be interested in hacking. I'm strongly considering college in Vancouver, British Colombia, so I'll try and remember to keep you posted if I go that direction, college or not.


Thanks for sharing - firstly, you made a good choice staying at home out of frugality - I did the same thing because I had to save a buttload of cash in order to impress the German Embassy with my financial prowess. I probably need to go back to basics and read about AS from a social perspective, rather than from an academic perspective.
LOL - and I listen to batshit crazy music... well, I think SoaD falls into that category, at least according to some.



Aspendos
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31 Jul 2013, 3:00 pm

I've had many such phases ... actually, phases of increased sociability are the exception. I live in the German-speaking part of Switzerland, but used to live in Joburg from 2002-2005, so maybe I can give some advice on cultural differences (I've also lived elsewhere in Africa and Europe). I actually found living in SA much easier, as all my quirks were attributed to me being foreign. AS is like being an expat in one's own country. Where in Germany will you be living?



saraip
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31 Jul 2013, 3:47 pm

Aspendos wrote:
I've had many such phases ... actually, phases of increased sociability are the exception. I live in the German-speaking part of Switzerland, but used to live in Joburg from 2002-2005, so maybe I can give some advice on cultural differences (I've also lived elsewhere in Africa and Europe). I actually found living in SA much easier, as all my quirks were attributed to me being foreign. AS is like being an expat in one's own country. Where in Germany will you be living?


Totally agree with you - phased of increased sociability in my life are not that common - but I don't want to be as isolated as I am now. Woohooo I think you're a great person to talk to about some of the things to look out for. I'll send you a PM and we can share some information. Hope you remember your time in JHB fondly? I'm totally with you - AS *is* like being an expat in one's own country - weird how being a foreigner makes life easier.



cberg
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08 Oct 2013, 9:20 pm

saraip wrote:
Aspendos wrote:
I've had many such phases ... actually, phases of increased sociability are the exception. I live in the German-speaking part of Switzerland, but used to live in Joburg from 2002-2005, so maybe I can give some advice on cultural differences (I've also lived elsewhere in Africa and Europe). I actually found living in SA much easier, as all my quirks were attributed to me being foreign. AS is like being an expat in one's own country. Where in Germany will you be living?


Totally agree with you - phased of increased sociability in my life are not that common - but I don't want to be as isolated as I am now. Woohooo I think you're a great person to talk to about some of the things to look out for. I'll send you a PM and we can share some information. Hope you remember your time in JHB fondly? I'm totally with you - AS *is* like being an expat in one's own country - weird how being a foreigner makes life easier.


That settles it, this is a great way of thinking for me too... on searching for another thread I posted I stumbled into your OP again, and I realized that my impending move a couple states over could be all smiles. I think you might've just supplied me with reason enough to end my own isolation by conventional means...


_________________
"Standing on a well-chilled cinder, we see the fading of the suns, and try to recall the vanished brilliance of the origin of the worlds."
-Georges Lemaitre
"I fly through hyperspace, in my green computer interface"
-Gem Tos :mrgreen:


coffeebean
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08 Oct 2013, 9:33 pm

I'm in the same position as you minus moving to a new country. I'm just going to focus on developing relationships at work or see if there are any interest groups I could go to often.