Social Skills vs. Social Expectations

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Reading some of the WP posts in which people bemoan their "poor" social skills is depressing. Many of the things that are typically considered "bad" social skills are what I consider to be desirable social behavior. I would much prefer to live in a society in which people got straight to the point, said what they meant, were bluntly honest, and didn't waste my time with small talk, so it's depressing to me to read about so many people trying to hide or correct that sort of behavior. Maybe they will get what they want, and fit in better. Maybe society at large will get what it wants, and won't have to deal with or even be aware of people with non-standard social behavior. The people like me, however, will be getting the exact opposite of what they want. I can't fault people for deciding to fake it to make it (although more fake people in society is the last thing I would like), but it disturbs me to know that people actually believe that some of these things are truly "bad" and that something is wrong with them for acting that way. However, that idea segues into the autism is a neutral difference vs. autism is a horrible condition argument again...Although this behavior also seems to apply to non-autistic people as well, such the INTJ personality type.

If someone is monologuing to people who don't care and dominating the conversation, ok, that's truly an example of a lack of social skills, but I don't think that everything that is called "bad social skills" is actually negative. I think that "bad social skills" should refer to social behavior that would cause definite social problems in any society: lying, cheating, etc. Everything else is nothing more than social expectations, and they are neutral. There is nothing objectively wrong about disinterest in small talk and being incapable of sustaining it. The problem arises when a large portion of society has the same or similar social expectations, and expects and enforces them on everyone, totally disregarding individuality, and then feels entitled enough to ostracize and mistreat people when their unrealistic expectations aren't met, rather than simply stating how they prefer to socialize. In short, it's nothing more than a majority wielding it's unwarranted privilege.

All I have to say is I agree with all of this.

Why should I have to fix myself because other people would rather beat around the bush?

Loneliness is a compelling thing.

I don't see why eye contact is so important. If 90% of the population had little eye contact and 10% looked people in the eye, then, maybe, poor eye contact would describe the people who looked the person in the eye.

Eye contact makes someone feel that you are paying attention and listening to them. This indicates that you respect them and you value their contribution to the conversation.

I can't look into people's eyes so I look at their mouths. This seems to pass as good enough "eye contact" for people to feel like I am listening.

I understand this complaint about people not being straight-forward. I like it when I deal with people who get straight to the point. It's just easier. I can't stand middle managers, game players and attention seekers. I can't cope with how they think they are being reasonable and I am cast as the unreasonable one. It tires me out.

I have my own tastes and likes that are not considered mainstream. This makes me wonder whether people really tell others about their true tastes and things they enjoy, or do they just pretend to like what everyone else likes so that they fit in? I can't pretend and I get shunned for it. People think I am being pretentious and refusing to like "low brow" stuff, when actually I genuinely don't like Richard Curtis films and pop music. But I am thought to be offending their taste just because I don't want to do/see/hear the same thing as them. I wouldn't be offended if they didn't like my tast in music/films/books. Ugh people!

Body odour is not an insignificant matter. It is unpleasant to be around a bad smell. People go to the gym as a hobby. They want to enjoy themselves, even if it is a bit of a slog sometimes to do a workout, these places are normally called leisure centres and your being stinky makes it unpleasant for them to enjoy their leisure time. Not caring that they are being adversely affected is selfish and unkind and is significant.

Are you talking as someone that don't need a work? Or is this purely for outside of work. These days the lines seem to blur, especially if people can get let go because of their rants on Facebook or Twitter. Doing that in the work place or outside of the work place where anybody that you come in contact with recognises you and your behaviour and you would sure know about how your ranking is slipping. It's not that easy to just let go.

Starkid, I agree on a lot about what you write. I just think that it is good to socialize sometimes, even if it is not as much as NT's. To me, it does not matter if someone does not have good social skills because that is just how they are. I think it is a good idea to socialize a little, just to be in contact with people at the least.

I don't care if lying is a social expectation or not. If you someone lies to me, wether if that someone tells me later or not that has lied to me, I will find it out sooner or later. If someone lies to me, I will think very low of that someone after that. By lying to me, you're proving to me, and showing to me that you can't be trusted by any means, and not good. One of the things I hate the most are liars.
In some situation like that, if it's something that is not something personal of mine, I'd like to be told-I myself have no odour problems. I'm also very clean-. I don't care if there are three like thirty people in there, if I've got to fix something for good, tell me and I'l do it.
I can't stand either people who say stuff behind your back, instead of telling to you and deal with you, and things like that. I can't stand that nonsense either. If you've got to say something good, or bad, and you've got to deal with me, say it, but don't go round making me guess what's going on, and playing nonsense like that with me. I can't stand that. I know, I know, this thing of saying things behind someone's back is not related to this, but I wanted to comment it too.
I honestly, don't want to fit in, at all, if that means I can't be myself and being forced to do things I don't like. One thing I know for sure is, I'm not changing for nothing, and I stand up for what I believe in. I'd like to fit in, yes, but with someone like me. I like my individuality, and I don't want to nor wouldn't be someone's copy. I'm not like the rest either, I don't follow trends like they do, and so on.
I don't get it. I don't understand why that necessity of lying.
I think of myself as straightforward, and like to say things as they are. No twisting, nor nothing like that. I always go straight to the point, and I'm very honest. It seems people don't like that, though.
Like, if I am asked something about what I think, and it happens that I disagree. Once one was like " don't say such a thing" And, didn't let me to say much more. I didn't want to say much more, though. It would have been a waste of time. I've just said: Well, it's the truth. If you don't like it, don't ask...
Stuff like that....It irritates me. I usually am very quiet, but if I feel like I need to address something, I'll say it with no fear at all about it. I have no problem saying how things are. About small talks. I can't stand them. I don't see the point if there's no real conversation, if doesn't have substance, no deepness....If there's nothing interesting to say....I just don't see the point of that.
I'm new, by the way.

I don't have anybody. If someday I have someone, I'll obviously trust that someone. Up to this day, I haven't met anybody who is trustworthy, honest, and a good person.
Just being used, lied to, etc, etc, etc. I'm not going to let that happen again. I'm not letting anybody to hurt me again.