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FluttercordAspie93
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29 Nov 2013, 7:03 pm

And I think this is one of the reasons why I can't successfully make friends, because I worry continuously about what they're thinking when my back is turned...

You see, I've had really bad experiences with bullying in the past, and I think that's what's left my self esteem with such a negative impact; the psychiatrist I saw completely understood me when I told her this.

Sometimes, I even worry about what others on here think of me, and it just creates this whole sense of paranoia.

So I still continue to struggle with this, but I'd like to overcome this obstacle in someway; I wouldn't mind making friends on here, so I can at least have a place to start somewhere...


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"The important thing is not how long you live, it's what you accomplish with your life. While I live, I want to shine. I want to prove that I exist." --- Grovyle, (Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky).
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"Whether it's in our own or another world... It's always darkest before the dawn." --- Dusknoir, (Pokemon Super Mystery Dungeon).
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“That for one day I could be one of those happy, vapid girls who gets along with everyone, and is all excited to eat massive amounts of sugar, and do karaoke, and cheerleading and ponytails. I just don’t think it’s in my DNA.” --- Gwen, (Total Drama Island, Episode 21: Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon).
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 112 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 97 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits


TheGoggles
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29 Nov 2013, 11:03 pm

I always worry about people seeing me as a threat. I go out to be around people as much as possible, since I can't stand being alone for very long. Wherever I go, I'm always alone and other people are usually with family members, friends, SO's. Since my area has a relatively high crime rate, there's every reason for them to be nervous about a man walking around town alone. I specifically go out of my way to keep women from feeling uncomfortable too. If we're about to pass on the sidewalk, I immediately take out my phone and act like I couldn't care less about the world around me (not that I do care, I just want to make it as clear as possible that I have no bad intentions). No eye contact ever. The ironic part about it all is that the longer I'm isolated, the more anxious and unhinged I feel. Ain't life grand?



b_edward
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29 Nov 2013, 11:42 pm

I began to wonder that I was just paranoid/crazy, etc., but after a lot of introspection I realized that for every paranoid thing, every thing I "worry too much about," there is always a reason for it. It is always rooted in the past. I don't just get paranoid for no reason. Now, the degree to which one feels the fears and negative feelings may be unwarranted. But I wonder, if we connect our fears and paranoias to the stuff that happened in the past, the stuff that caused them, does it help?

So, to me, the question is -- how do we go from, "Ok, I understand this feeling now, because I know what past occurrence it is linked to" to actually eliminating the excessive worry and/or paranoia? I don't have a good answer yet.



b_edward
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29 Nov 2013, 11:49 pm

TheGoggles wrote:
I specifically go out of my way to keep women from feeling uncomfortable too.


I love how so many Aspies or people on the ASD spectrum have such a desire to govern their thoughts and actions based on helping others. But I hate how misunderstood we are when we do it. People give us lectures about "obsessing" and sometimes treat our actions as if they are a sin. (They may call us obsessive, power hungry (as little sense as that makes.) , sometimes (ironically) they call us selfish, insecure, etc. Just because we are taking a thought for someone else's welfare.

Don't ever stop being thoughtful. It is part of who you are.



BrandonSP
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04 Dec 2013, 10:52 am

I have a similar preoccupation with other people's opinions of me. I too have experienced my share of bullying, especially on the Internet, so maybe that has made my ego all the more fragile. I wish I could just ignore everyone else and be my own man, but my parents keep pressuring me to adjust myself to society's expectations so I can get ahead in life. All I can say is that I can relate to your pain.



hurtloam
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04 Dec 2013, 2:21 pm

Yes, I understand too. It is really difficult to trust people when you've been treated badly in the past for being different. So being concerned about how you come across to others is a logical response, but only to a certain extent.

The new people you meet are individuals and are not the bullies you used to know. They are likely to not be judging you at all and are possibly concerned how they are coming across to you. Sometimes people are not as judgemental as we assume they are.

It is difficult to build up trust in people when you have had bad experiences. It is good that you have a supportive therapist and with time you may be able to work through this.


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