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Daveytn
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04 Dec 2013, 1:39 pm

Each day I find a lot of things getting much more difficult to deal with, and this is one of them things. Going out places with my friends. Let's start at the beginning.

I'll make up names for this part, so let's say Steve and Milly. Milly always wants to go out, in my car, and has no money to contribute towards it. She always wants to "go for a drive" in my car with me, but when I mention "but you don't have any pennies" (because lets face it, driving about for nothing is not cheap in any respect) and she says "oh okay fair enough" and leaves it there, but it makes me think does she use me to go out in my car for free and then back out when i do have the courage to mention about the costs of it?

Secondly, Steve. We have been friends for years, we have always gone out and done things. The trouble I find is first and foremost he often asks me "so what do you want to do" and he asks this because he is bored and has nothing esle to do (a pattern i have noticed lately) and of course I reply and say "I'm not sure" (Which makes me feel anxious because I genuinely don't know what to do/say and feel pressured, explaining this to him has not helped in the past) and we often end up playing snooker, going bowling, watching a film, or going for a bike ride. When we go out to the cinema/bowling/snooker I will always mention "could you contribute towards fuel please" and he makes a deal out of it like "-sigh- really dude? *as he gets his wallet out*". Every time he does this, i feel less confident in asking the next time and it goes on and on.

I have so much trouble with day to day social life as it is, I would really appreciate any offers of advice about all of the above. I'm struggling to tell if Milly just wants to use me to kill the boredom she often has, and I really don't know how to deal with Steve when he makes a deal out of not being sure what we should do, and then making a deal out of contributing after all he pays for public transport if he was going somewhere. Am I being unreasonable/making something out of nothing/picking up on something that's not actually a problem?

:(

*Edit: Sorry I should have mentioned, neither of them drive hence why it's always me and my car



Sherry221B
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04 Dec 2013, 1:57 pm

This could hurt your feelings by me saying this, but....They are just using you because of your car. They don't have car, and you do, and they are using you; they are making you as their personal chauffeur. They seem to be more interested in you driving them to places than actually hanging out with you.
If possible, find others who actually want to hang out with you, and not with your car.



Daveytn
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04 Dec 2013, 2:49 pm

No you're right, it's exactly what I thought I just didnt know if I was being silly or not. Tbh, I'm nor really sure how to go from here, do I just tell them both when they ask that i'd rather not go out? Worries me that they might make a big deal out of it



TheValk
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04 Dec 2013, 3:19 pm

Do they ever give you any gifts or money when you don't ask for it? Usually it's a thing that's left unstated that the sides are aware of, or at least expected to be aware.



Sherry221B
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04 Dec 2013, 3:27 pm

If they are just using you they could ignore you asking them, pretend they are offended by you asking them, get defensive or pretend and make a big deal of it, but deep inside they plainly don't care at all that you've realised about their not so good intentions. To just see their reactions, say that your car is broken, and that you won't be able to use it for a while, and to go somewhere without the car, like by foot, by bus... It doesn't matter, just not using the car. Try doing that when you are bored, not when they are; because it seems like they just go after you when they are bored, and nothing else. Without car, they might leave and quickly. If you do the same and they happened to ask, say that because they do the same and they just come to you when they are bored, and nothing else. If it persists, or you just want to skip all that altogether, say that you don't like their attitude, that you are not their chauffeur and that you don't want to be used for what you have. They are unlikely to change. Leave before they try to use something else of yours. I wouldn't be surprised if they are also they kind of individuals who talk baldy behind people's back, instead of saying things to their faces.



Daveytn
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05 Dec 2013, 7:55 am

It seems exactly like that actually. Milly is always up for going out... if it's in the car! Before, in the summer I always said things like "hey, let's meet up and go for a walk or something?" and she would give what I now find to be excuses of "oh but my legs hurt" and things like that!

With Steve, I'll ask him if he is free and wants to go and do something, more often then not he is busy or what I like to say "has better things to do" but when he is bored, or shall we say he has nothing better to do, he will drop me a text "Dude wuu2 we should do something" the sign of him dying of boredom. I have before mentioned "well sure if you want to give me something towards fuel" (for example bowling, is a 40 mile round trip there and back so even £5 would be appreciated!) and he has said "oh im not sure if i have the money".

In fact I'll tell you something which happened last night with Milly. She text me and said she thinks we should go out and do something (the usual routine) and I said I would rather stay indoors in the warm, then drive about in the cold. She replied and said she will hibernate until the new year, and I said "well you had better come out sunday" (as we had arranged a while back to attend a large car meet locally, to meet up with a few other friends etc) and then she tells me "I can't afford to go on Sunday actually...". The key facts there, are 1. I know she doesnt work and has no money, I offered to take her for free 2. She was up for it until I said I didn't want to go out last night, and 3. She was up for going out last night though in her words "she can't afford it". See what I'm getting at? I'm really sorry to ramble on with 1000 words at a time lol.

It does seem quite a sudden realisation that I am just used for my car. :| So when either one texts me to say in their own way that they're bored, I should just make out that I am really busy? Cause it seems when they're busy that's okay, but if I'm busy then it's the end of the world :s