How do you actually ''love yourself''?

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I've often been advised that I must ''love myself'' before I can love anyone else/they can love me. I find this statement rather concise, and I don't even know if it necessarily works on all people. I have a boyfriend and I love him, and I have proper feelings for him, I care about him, would do anything for him, love to listen to him, and want and like his company. I am not with him because of being too lonely or desperate, because I have proven to myself that I cannot force myself to love anyone, it has to come naturally to me, which I know it has with him. I know I love him, but I don't love myself. I feel if I do start loving myself as they say, I feel I might start to feel or sound bigheaded, and I have never been the bigheaded type in my life. Waking up one day and saying ''I love myself'' will not suddenly make me feel any differently about myself. I have tried to Google it, and it came up with a ''X-step guide with pictures'' guide, but it didn't really help, nor did it apply to me really. Or it comes up with things that I am already doing, like ''treat others with the same respect you would want'', which is what I've always done, but it doesn't seem to work, instead it just makes people take me for granted. Or it says ''express yourself'', which is what I also do a lot. I write my thoughts and feelings down in a diary or journal, and also open up to close family or friends of mine. I could try to believe that I love myself even when I don't, and that's all very well and good - until I get a bad mood day spring up out of the blue and I suddenly lash out angrily. Or is that normal?

I really don't understand how this ''love yourself and others will love you'' works. I don't even know where or how to begin to love myself. What does it mean to you?

I think you just have to think of your health and well-being more. That would be a good place to start anyway.

treat yourself the way you would treat your best friend.

sounds like you could use some assertiveness, too. assertiveness is worth a google. practice saying , "no," nicely, without needing excuses.

It's not an easy thing to describe. I think that "love yourself" will possibly never be meaningful to some people because of the way they think of love and themselves. I guess that a personality that meets some minimum level of introspection would be ideal.

For me, it is a feeling of comfort and happiness (not merely contentment) with myself. I do have a tendency to beat myself up over certain mistakes, just as loving someone else is sometimes mixed with interpersonal conflict, but my general feeling toward myself is positive. I like the things I do, I am fulfilled by my own company, I feel content with the moral quality of my character, I enjoy my achievements, I'm more or less satisfied with my abilities. Speaking of morality and achievement, I think how a person loves herself will depend on which personal qualities are important to her. If she possesses the traits that she deems important, she will be well-poised to love herself.

Loving yourself does not mean "self adoration." You may still get irritated with yourself for your imperfections.

Loving yourself means accepting the person you are, warts and all, instead of beating yourself up all the time and feeling like everything about you sucks and will never get any better. It's being able to see yourself as you really are, imperfect, but still likeable as a whole, and knowing that it's okay to be less than perfect because you're still a good person at heart.

That's the way you feel about your best friends, right? You know they do stupid stuff sometimes, but you don't stop caring about them just because they annoy you, or even hurt your feelings from time to time. Loving yourself just means being that forgiving and understand of yourself as well.

I think Willard's post is spot on, and I would like to add that you should probably stop and think about the fact that your bf also loves you, so that means there must be something about you that's loveable to begin with. In my own experience, that was often what helped me keep going: the notion that there was someone by my side who -for some CRAZY reason- thought I was worth her while.

It might help to list things that you like about yourself, perhaps by comparing yourself to others, which is not something to make a habit of. Perhaps what is needed is not a feeling of romantic love, but a healthy sense of self-esteem. It turns out that being unreasonably optimistic is considered healthier than being totally realistic. Chance favors the less cautious wherever life flourishes. Also, everyone has a part of the great puzzle of life, and nobody else can play your part so perfectly.