Need some tips

Post Reply New Topic

My friend said they wanted a hiatus. I understand they will be back, they've never lied to me and have put up with a lot from me. They are a text friend we talk on the phone and skype occasionally. I have problems with self control and getting emotional and trying to force the communication. She needs me to leave her alone for awhile and I want to give it and probably need it myself.

It's been 3 days and we've talked rarely missing a full day to send something over the last two years. I feel really lonely and sad and I want SO BADLY to contact her. I need ideas or maybe methods to control this urge because each time I'll just get more disappointed and sad and worse when she comes back I may leave a terrible string of emotional sad, angry, hateful messages and I don't want to do this but have trouble controlling myself. Any Ideas?

Either get a notebook or create a file on your computer and write everything you want to say when you want to say it. That way when you start talking again you can read back over it and tell her the important things.

However, if she's asked for some space and you don't give it to her she may block you for a while, if not longer. I do understand needing to talk to someone though, especially if it's a specific friend. I used to do that with my friends when I was younger but had to just force myself to stop when asked - although this was calling them on a rotary dial phone and not texting

I've been on the other end of it too. I've had friends who would message me as soon as I signed online and want to carry on a conversation the entire time and just not seem to understand that I don't always want to chat. I've also had friends complain to me that I didn't answer their emails right away when they were long emails with lots of things to answer and I was doing other things online at the time, so they knew I was online but I was doing something other than answering their emails. After a while of trying to be polite and tactful about things like that I'll start getting more and more annoyed with them, not just about that but about other things they do that didn't bother me before then I'll end up just blowing up and telling them off and not talking to them anymore. So, you don't want to be on the receiving end of that kind of thing because it's hard, if not impossible, to fix, and this giving someone else their space is easy to fix.

I would suggest writing down the things you want to say but not sending them, or also maybe go to a chatroom or something and talk to people there. Back when I had AOL there were tons of chatrooms and I'd go to them all the time. I've met a lot of friends that way, but it's also a way to pass the time talking to someone - it's a kind of substitute.

Yeah, I've had to tell off someone about messaging me as soon as I sign on, crashed my AIM a few times it's so fast. Also, incessant messaging about when I'd come on. It's REALLY annoying.

I think the answer is to try to find more people to talk to. It is sad that AOL abandoned the chats, and due to a security bug in the chat software, people have ruined the chats through ownership.

The only difference I see and it's probably a meaningless one but she's never said she didn't like me messaging her and we talked daily for two year she's never yelled at me or told me to stop talking before this. Believe me this isn't a rare situation, friends fight and get mad she's just never felt the need. And honestly she said friends she probably stopped talking to all of them. I know of a few she removed on different chats along with me. I'll try the notebook thing it helps even if they don't reply to a notebook I've done something similar before. I have a lot of questions and I feel some of them aren't questions a friend would ask. Like the time she tried to have phone sex and I wouldn't go along with it because she was dating someone at the time. Getting over heartache is pretty hard not certain I can be an honest friend with her. She needs time alone and I'm not sure why but guess it's because she has a new boyfriend and doesn't want to deal with my feelings right now. Idk. I do have other friends though online like her I text them and we talk and skype and stuff. I want these feelings to go away and I'm going to have to make them somehow if I want to keep this friend. When she does come back whatever feelings she may have had will certainly be dead. That's what I don't like about NT's they can just get up and go find someone else and make me have no use or meaning to them. I asked so many times to just be told she felt nothing for me and she wouldn't do it, makes it hurt even more..