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leozelig
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23 Dec 2013, 8:35 pm

I'm an adult already- early 30's, and the way I have usually dealt with people making fun of me, or similar types of behavior, may have worked in the past but it doesn't work anymore. I can't cuss people out or freeze out every single person that pisses me off, even though I have managed to do those things in the past. I'm really trying to work on just doing the normal everyday crap everyone else does, to help myself develop and grow as a person. I would like some advice, or just hear from some experiences from other aspies on how one deals with people making fun of, being condescending or rude because I don't know how to take a joke or laugh this sort of stuff off. It really hurts my feelings because I am so sensitive and am really trying to do my best. How do you respond to it?



KingofKaboom
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23 Dec 2013, 8:51 pm

Now? Now I just say enjoy it. I am a big guy at 218 and 5'10 sometimes they see buttcrack and say "hey man we don't wanna see that "lol, ect" I say "Enjoy it, you're welcome" sometimes they kid sometimes they mean to be rude. I just let it roll over me, it too time and effort to learn but unless they are outright cruel I don't even mind anymore.


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23 Dec 2013, 9:41 pm

Learn to say "F-ck it." Seriously, people are going to suck and it's best to accept it and move on with your life. By giving them your attention, you're losing out on more important things. Unless you have a witty retort, then fire away and keep it moving. If not, look at them like an inferior organism, chuckle and move on.



equestriatola
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23 Dec 2013, 10:00 pm

Eh, depends on how they were doing it. If they meant it in jest, I'll let slide. If not, I take it rather personally.


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KingofKaboom
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23 Dec 2013, 10:03 pm

ExceladonCity wrote:
Learn to say "F-ck it." Seriously, people are going to suck and it's best to accept it and move on with your life. By giving them your attention, you're losing out on more important things. Unless you have a witty retort, then fire away and keep it moving. If not, look at them like an inferior organism, chuckle and move on.
Hard lesson for me to learn but I agree. Some people just aren't good people, let them get the attention that they deserve. None.


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OliveOilMom
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23 Dec 2013, 10:07 pm

If it's something that I know I do and I've told them I do it then I laugh along, because it is funny. I will completely focus on something that isn't the main thing simply because it's not correct, or I'll talk for 45 minutes about something nobody else cares about, or I'm terrified to ride in the car, etc.

If it's something that I don't know I do or isn't something that somebody should joke about or if it's a stranger and they are doing it in a mean way I'll say something like "Look, you don't hear me carrying on about your extra ten pounds/overbite/obvious combover/well known talent of being able to suck a golf ball through a garden hose/herpes diagnosis/lack of a relationship/clear need to overcompensate with your car for having a small penis, so how about we lay off my <whatever it is> ok?"


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24 Dec 2013, 10:13 am

i beat them to it; if i make jokes about my own behaviour, there's no fun in it for them.
as an added bonus, i really care less about my mistakes and mannerisms if i crack jokes about them



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24 Dec 2013, 10:42 am

KingofKaboom wrote:
Some people just aren't good people, let them get the attention that they deserve. None.


This. And when you ignore people, you have to show it in your facial expression, or you're not really ignoring them. Give them a blank look, and they'll see that they haven't affected you at all. Any sort of facial expression is still giving them attention, because they can see that they've made you react.


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bumble
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24 Dec 2013, 1:11 pm

How are they making fun?

If it is harmless teasing I like it..I think it is funny and it can be a good way of bonding with someone.

If they are trying to be deliberately hurtful I am upset by it and freeze or walk away in the real world (I need to go somewhere and cry and I don't want them to see me) or if online, I rant about it.

I don't understand why people want to hurt each other in that way.

Harmless teasing though is entertaining. For example I used to know someone who called me stinky. At first I did not know he was teasing so i would sniff my armpit (to check) and then say "no I am not". Eventually he said to me "you do know I am just teasing you yes?". Well, actually I didn't no, but on being told such I went away and thought up a reply which was to respond by calling him 'Skunk butt' (he had food digestion issues sometimes). After that, everytime we say each other it became a ritual to call each by those names...so:

Hi Stinky
Hello skunk butt.

It was funny lol

At least to me at the time.

I like teasing when its done in good fun...

I hate it when its intended to harm.



bumble
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24 Dec 2013, 1:14 pm

izzeme wrote:
i beat them to it; if i make jokes about my own behaviour, there's no fun in it for them.
as an added bonus, i really care less about my mistakes and mannerisms if i crack jokes about them


i find my oddities amusing sometimes but people take them too seriously, such as my inability to read maps for example.

I will post how I once sent someone 30 miles up the motorway in the wrong direction because I was holding a map upside down and I will get a slurry of posts telling me not to be so hard on myself and not to beat myself up about it.

Meanwhile I have been on the other side of my PC finding my tale funny.

People have no freaking sense of humour these days. Seriously!



T1nd1v1dual
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24 Dec 2013, 11:04 pm

I used to be the victim until sophomore year of high school. From there on, I'm sarcastic or able to make fun of myself. I'm usually incognito now for much bullying to happen.



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25 Dec 2013, 12:15 pm

Generally I will too often just pretend to ignore it, but later consider what they said as feedback and see if there is something I can do or change to address whatever they were talking about. Then I have nothing to do with that person in the future.

Or, whenever possible I try to roll with it, laughingly agree with them (there is usually at least some element of truth in what they say), and thereby seek to remove the barb from their comment. Then I have nothing to do with that person in the future.

Unfortunately, over-reliance on these two approaches results in my world becoming quite small. :roll:

So I appreciate learning there how others handle such situations.


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Sherry221B
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25 Dec 2013, 1:40 pm

Badly. It's very disrespectful to do...Hurtful too.



Sherry221B
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25 Dec 2013, 2:08 pm

Also, it's very humiliating.



smudge
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26 Dec 2013, 7:50 am

Marky9 wrote:
...Then I have nothing to do with that person in the future...

Then I have nothing to do with that person in the future.

Unfortunately, over-reliance on these two approaches results in my world becoming quite small. :roll:


I know how you feel. For me it's a safety barrier because that person will undoubtedly do the same thing in the future, and yet they may never treat anyone else that way. Either that, or the people who get along with them just put up with being disrespected every now and then and know to disrespect that person back. Communication is all bollocks really.

I'm not having a good day.


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