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Being too needy

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equestriatola
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28 Dec 2013, 9:05 am

So my old grade school friend says this to me: "It's nice that you are my friend, but you don't have to message me every time I'm online." What should I do? I could use some help........ I'm very interested in her!


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Autinger
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28 Dec 2013, 10:54 am

Maybe turn it around.. tell her that if you greet her, it doesn't have to lead to "a conversation" and you're merely "waving hello" as if you'd see each other on the street.



Marcia
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28 Dec 2013, 12:38 pm

Take the hint and stop messaging her every time she's on line. A guy did that to me on Facebook, it creeped me out big-style and when he ignored me when I said I didn't like it, I unfriended him. I felt like I was being stalked and that I couldn't use Facebook freely.

Send her a message every few days or so, or like or comment on her posts, but not all of them.



Marky9
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28 Dec 2013, 4:16 pm

I had a similar struggle with myself about feeling compelled to ping people a hello every time I noted they were online. I tried setting it up so that I could not see who was online; that helped. Now I only boot my messaging application a couple of times a week.

Another approach that has worked for me is to force myself to adopt a my-turn / your-turn approach to initiated chats. That is, if I initiate a chat with someone, then after that I do not again initiate messaging until after they have first initiated one with me. I do the same with social phone calls as well.


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equestriatola
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29 Dec 2013, 1:12 am

Will do, Marcia.


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smudge
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29 Dec 2013, 10:10 am

Marcia wrote:
Take the hint and stop messaging her every time she's on line. A guy did that to me on Facebook, it creeped me out big-style and when he ignored me when I said I didn't like it, I unfriended him. I felt like I was being stalked and that I couldn't use Facebook freely.

Send her a message every few days or so, or like or comment on her posts, but not all of them.


He didn't respond when you spoke to him, or he stopped messaging you?


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Cafeaulait
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29 Dec 2013, 10:38 am

Stop messaging her all the time :P



buffinator
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29 Dec 2013, 3:57 pm

Autinger wrote:
Maybe turn it around.. tell her that if you greet her, it doesn't have to lead to "a conversation" and you're merely "waving hello" as if you'd see each other on the street.


that is rude


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Marcia
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30 Dec 2013, 6:42 pm

smudge wrote:
Marcia wrote:
Take the hint and stop messaging her every time she's on line. A guy did that to me on Facebook, it creeped me out big-style and when he ignored me when I said I didn't like it, I unfriended him. I felt like I was being stalked and that I couldn't use Facebook freely.

Send her a message every few days or so, or like or comment on her posts, but not all of them.


He didn't respond when you spoke to him, or he stopped messaging you?


When I said I didn't like being messaged so much, he sent me even more messages! Some of the messages were just emoticons, but he sent them as soon as I came on-line, which was particularly creepy.



em_tsuj
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01 Jan 2014, 5:19 pm

Marky9 wrote:
I had a similar struggle with myself about feeling compelled to ping people a hello every time I noted they were online. I tried setting it up so that I could not see who was online; that helped. Now I only boot my messaging application a couple of times a week.

Another approach that has worked for me is to force myself to adopt a my-turn / your-turn approach to initiated chats. That is, if I initiate a chat with someone, then after that I do not again initiate messaging until after they have first initiated one with me. I do the same with social phone calls as well.


Sound advice. I do this too. Also, I need to have something specific in mind if I talk to someone, not just say contacting the person everyday to say hello.