Being Taken Advantage Of?

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I may or may not have posted this before, so please bear with me in case I have.

Does anyone else notice that people are more apt to be your "friend" because of the fact you are easier to manipulate or take advantage of? I started to notice that people tend to be my friend because of the fact I do not have an unkind bone in my body and because I am incredibly hospitable, slightly compassionate, and at times, very dense. I never quite figure out that I'm being taken advantage of until it's either too late, or someone with enough nerve to say something tells me that I am being taken advantage of.

Do other Aspies fall into this type of pattern? Because I tend to take things at face value and because I am extremely kindhearted, I feel that I am often perceived as a sort of "target" to most NTs.

Can anyone else confirm or deny this? Is there a way to prevent this in the future?

Randy

I used to be, but not anymore. People stopped taking advantage of me when I surprised them with a middle finger or two after I strung them along for a week or so, letting them think that they were winning their mind games. Well, it's more of a metaphorical middle finger. I just didn't do what they wanted.

You're winning the battle for the rest of us, mindslave.

I seem to have the opposite problem. People "expect" from how I seem that I would be manipulated easily and compliant. But no, I have an expectation of respect...I get very upset if I'm not. But then I'm viewed as doing something wrong for not taking it! Yet I don't see THEM taking that sort of behavior from anywhere. It shouldn't be a surprise that I similarly won't allow it!

It bugs me that they would even try! Like I'm being targetted...and short of being scary, how else do I stop it? People think they should just walk into my life and take advantage, like as if there were a welcome mat. So it's like a constant fly swat. I wish I could wear a sign on my head that says "you can't use me" to bring their realization earlier.

I always have the boundary line, and it doesn't get crossed. This causes people to be annoyed with me much of the time...like as if I was "supposed" to be something to use. Like as if that's what I'm there for. Like as if I have some nerve not allowing it! I almost think that because I'm soft, that equates weak in their minds. Like as if certain traits *must* go together and if not, you are being terrible!

I'm so sorry, but softness on the outside does not equate weakness on the inside. I am stubborn about my self respect.

well, yeah... this has always been my problem. but now, I am suspicious of EVERYONE, so I have difficulty having friends or even simply contacts... I wish people were more honest.

yeah. sucks hardcore. i always know when im being screwed with (unlike when i was in my teens), it's just that writing people off for things that aren't "really bad" only seems to end in my own isolation again.

of course. I'm a total door-mat and make it all to easy to be used and manipulated by others. They can sense that you're easy. As well as the desperation of not wanting to lose yet another friend or potential mate. I don't want to sound cynical but in my experience people will take, and take, and take some more. I would never even consider doing a quarter of the things people have done to me, or pressured me into, in the last few years. I don't even blame AS or ASD anymore, I simply think I'm a door-mat. It pisses me off a lot, and my reactions are usually way too late for me to tackle the situation. My attitude used to be cynical but isolating only made me more vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation. People may not be consciously doing it, it's not always malicious. There's many reasons, like entitlement or they're plain ole' inconsiderate.
It's important to talk to people whom you feel you can trust. Look for neutral people, teachers, parent's friends, even total strangers can give you advice. I tend to trust total strangers with advice, than someone who I'm close to. The person I'm close to might give me advice according to what is most convenient for them at the time. Again, I don't mean to sound negative, this just comes from being screwed over for many years.

I have almost the opposite problem. People only come to me when they have serious problems... which are things that require consolation and I have an internal anxiety attack trying to figure out what to say. People have this opinion of me that I'm strong and always know what to say. I don't know how I'm giving that impression but if I figure it out, I'm writing a book and making money off of it because I am not that way! But, how do you turn away someone that's hurting? You can't, so I do my best to help.

I can remember once someone trying to take advantage of me. She wanted me to drive her to the market. I agreed to do that because she didn't have a car and I did. But then she had all these things to do between her house and the market, both to and from. I told her that because she wasn't honest with me she took more time than I'd scheduled for her favor so I wouldn't be able to do this for her again. I didn't like that disrespect. That's the only time that's ever happened, though.

Strangers have asked me for help here and there throughout the years but that's always been straightforward and I'm happy to have helped.

My husband - NT - gets taken advantage of a lot. It bothers me that he's such a push-over. He just wants people to be happy.

Only situations in which I've been taken advantage of were situations where I was tired and lost the energy to socialize. As this happens, I tend to become too trusting and open about certain things, and then it goes from there. It may seem subtle, but it hurts just as much as on the other extreme. You tend to become more vulnerable when you're not able to fight the impulse to not say certain things, in order to stay "normal and hidden". It's a hidden disorder.

Like most of the previous posters, I do not let people take advantage of me. I used to be incredibly naïve, an easy target. Now I am the opposite. My theory on why people think we are easy to manipulate is because of our body language and our non-aggressive stance. We do not try to dominate others or climb to the top of the social hierarchy, so we are considered weaker members of the social hierarchy. However, once people try us, they realize that we don't conform to the role of the weak members of the social hierarchy either. We don't bend to pressure from people who are more dominant than us.

By the way, "No," is a complete sentence.

I don't think that it's just those with Autism that are targeted this way. There are many NTs who are simple minded (not in the sense of their intelligence but how they judge others) - this trait can prevent people from seeing the dark side of others and continue them manipulating you.

Yes I have been taken advantage of by people before and it was not just by people who I thought were my friends.

1. Family
2. Respite Providers
3. Roommates
4. Co-workers

As I have gotten older though, I have been able to pick up when someone has been or trying to take advantage of me.

For instance, I most recently had gotten what I thought was a job that did not work out. The owner and I were supposed to go to a warehouse bulk store but never could figure out how to get there since it was quite a drive and it was not on a bus line.

The boss:
1. Wanted me to look at taking an express bus down to the location where the store was and they would pick me up (Did not work)
2. Then on another occasion, they wanted to swap their Sam's club card with my Costco one. I said no because that card was under a family member's name. This was mainly to buy things for the company and also look at buying some things for themselves.

I don't know if I've ever been used that way, but I have done it myself, sadly. I had a friend who was nice but I took advantage of the nice things they did and wanted more and got very clingy. They got me off all that the hard way, by saying no, even when it really hurt me. By the time I did get what I wanted, I felt rather awkward about it, meaning it worked for them. But I'm still addicted to them and having a break is only making me realise how much of a fool of myself I made for them, not stopping me from being obsessed with them. =(

My experience is a bit like that of cyberian_husky. Once someone crosses the line into what I consider disrespect or otherwise taking advantage of me, they encounter a different person.

Narcissists and sociopaths especially zoom in on me. They compulsively and relentlessly pursue those who can either feed their ego, or that they can otherwise exploit. I discovered this for myself after time and again being abused by them.

I have since found great benefit in reading and learning about narcissists and sociopaths so that I can spot them early and take appropriate measures. In a nutshell, what I learned works best for me is to have nothing to do with them. That can be challenging because they do not like to be denied their prey. I also have to battle my own neediness that sometimes makes me stick with harmful relationships longer than I should.

Yes. Always.

I've had similar experiences to Marky9 and Siberian_husky. I used to get taken advantage of when I was younger, but I am aware of the warning signs now and I understand when it is happening.

People who are users and attention seekers seem to zone in on me because I am quiet and appear to be timid, but I am actually very sure of myself and know my own mind. I just don't talk much. People like me because I listen to them and give them the time of day. A narcissist tends to love that attention and don't seem to notice that I am only listening politely whilst internally thinking, "I don't think I like this person." Then they think they have me just where they want me.

The problem is, and I have this problem at the moment, the person trying to use me makes everyone think they are genuine and when I pull away and say I don't want anything to do with them, then I am seen as the person who is in the wrong for not supporting this seemingly vulnerable person. It amazes me how other people can't see the act this person is putting on. And I'm supposed to be the one with the bad social intelligence!

It's amazing how narcisists can make everyone around them think they are wonderful, but select one person to use and no one believes you when you say, "hang on, this person isn't all they seem." This keeps happening to me and it makes me wonder if I am just being paranoid.