Good at making acquaintances, not close friends

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Does anybody feel the same? To make myself feel better, I consider everyone I talk to a friend of mine, but in theory I only mainly have acquaintances, and only 1 or 2 real friends. Well, even with my real friends I find I don't do as much as what most people do with real friends, but it's because they haven't got much money.

When I think about it, I do know a lot of people dotted around, but nobody's close enough to be able to ask to come on holiday with me or do other things like that. It's a shame really because it would be nice to have a good friend to share experiences with.

I have joined social groups before, but only got as far as the usual small talk with the people there. I didn't come away with anybody's numbers. I was too shy to ask for their number, and they didn't ask me or even hint that they wanted my number. They probably just talked to me because I was there and was just somebody to talk to.

Does anyone else feel the same? Do you feel you're OK with forming acquaintance-type relationships, but have trouble forming close-friend relationships? Why could that be?

This is me in a nutshell.

My issue is keeping them interested.

I'm never certain how exactly to take a friendship to the next level. Really good with acquaintance but really bad with friend.

Yep, story of my life.

This is me to a T.

The handful of close friends I've ever made over my lifetime I still don't really know how that acquaintance-to-friend barrier got crossed by them or me, but it's happened rarely.

It feels like I make acquaintances but don't find any meaningful connection to most people, nor do they appear to feel any for me. Then once in a blue moon something's more comfortable mutually but it hardly ever happens.

But then when I think about it, I'm okay with not having a lot of very close friends because then that's incrementally a lot more demands on my time socially, and I like and enjoy and need a lot of time to myself. At least when all you have is acquaintances, nobody is always wanting to ask you to go do things.

Then again, when I've made a real friend and feel comfortable around them, I don't mind doing stuff or spending time with that person.

I would probably like to have a real, close friend just now, as I really don't have anyone like that at present. But right now, acquaintances is probably all I can handle, if I'm honest.

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Ditto

Same here.

I'm always good at making acquaintances. They talk to you and you talk to them but you're not friends because you never see each other outside of work or school or group nor talk outside of it. But I am not good at making friends. I am shy is why. It was a lot easier making them as a kid because I would go over to their house and ask if they can play. Every time new neighbors would move in, I would go over there to play and ask them to come over. Then as I got older it got harder and harder because their interests changed and then I was too old to even be playing with kids. It's a matter of finding things in common now. I think it's easier not having a friend. There isn't all that demand and flexibility and you can have all that alone time and you won't have to be obligated.

I think what it is with me is I fear rejection. I have had a lot of rejection in my life, and now it has put me off pushing the friendship further, even if I know they like me and are willing to get to know me more. Then I suppose they can sense that I'm not keen on asking them to meet up outside of work (or wherever I met them), so they don't really ask me to come out either. Maybe they feel the same as me - they think I might refuse to, especially knowing that I'm quite a shy person, and they're afraid that they might be putting me under pressure. So both parties are as silly as each other (me and the other person). So hopefully that's the case, and not anything against me.

I've been accused of ''not letting other people have space'' before, so I think that's what's off-putting about building friendships further. I keep my distance for that reason only. I'm scared that I'm going to appear too needy, and then they're going to back off, and then I blame myself for it and wallow in self-pity. It's not so much missing body language. There is no body language to miss. A person likes me, they go out of their way to talk to me, they even trust me with their secrets, and I know that trust is one of the important signs of a friendship, so I think ''oh, this person seems interested in me, maybe it's the right time to get their number'', and if they are interested enough (which I can usually tell that they are) I get their number or add them on Facebook or something, but if they don't contact me that often I'm always afraid to contact them in case I get accused of ''interrupting their privacy''.

But friendships have got to start somewhere, and sometimes it has to take a little push to build it up, and also friendships take two. I try to sound willing and friendly and do the best I can to build up the relationship, and I don't think I do too badly either. But it's when the other person isn't making the effort, is when I immediately stop. And then we drift apart.

It's like entering a friendship is like walking very gingerly across a very weak bridge over a river. I take it nice and easy, but when I feel the bridge crack or hear a creak, I jump back again, and hesitantly try again. That's how I feel with friendships. I find you've got to tread on eggshells a little bit when first meeting people, because you've got to keep at a precise level and not go anywhere near the ''being too needy'' mark or the ''not interested enough'' mark. Most NTs seem to know how to keep that level with most friendships (not all - even NTs make mistake, but generally it is not an issue like it is for me).

I would be happy with that, I have zero right now. Consider yourself lucky
Anyway, I was a lot more sociable and spontaneous as a kid, I used to have several friends and play with them for hours every day. Now that I'm in my my late teens, things have become significantly harder. Nowadays I occupy most of my spare time with single player video games...

Terrible at both.

Welcome to the club

Boy this sounds familar.

wow, I actually thought that this was something I had posted in the past when I first saw the thread title. This is my exact life. I have gotten so good at basic interaction and being friendly to strangers, but it's not possible to achieve the next level. My longest friendship is with a girl who essentially talks at me, and she knows just about nothing about me personally.

I assume this is because early interactions with people is an observable set of actions, where as bonding is much more intricate.

I think this describes most of us: lot's of acquaintances, but few, if any close friends.

I'd even say that I have some "good friends", but no real "close friends". Part of it has to do with me moving around so much as a kid (military brat), but mostly it is because I'm pretty one-sided about it all. I usually don't make an extra effort to stay in contact with people or initiate something social. However, I like it when my friends contact me or ask me to go out.

I can easily blame Asperger's for this, and it does seem related, but I think I could also put more effort into it. Oh, well.

Friendship is like nudity.

It's easy to get to know someone if you keep it all superficial and don't let anything really personal come out.

The more you become close to someone (like true friendship) the more you get to know someone and the more you open up to them. It's no different than allowing yourself to by naked in front of them...letting them see all the good (and bad) bits without concealment.

It takes a lot of trust and "comfort" to open up to someone to that degree, and even among NTs, they say if you have more than 5 "true friends" in your life on the day you die, you were lucky.