is wanting to hug a lot the same as being clingy?

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StevieC
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21 Jan 2014, 3:24 pm

my ex said i was "clingy". (this is a few years ago now, but hey "ho"...) :(

from a quick google, it seems i don't fit the bill of what clingy means, except maybe for wanting to hug/cuddle lots of the time.

also, it would seem that if you're not being clingy, you're probably being uninterested/unavailable etc? (like one of those no-win things in my mind...)







also, if anyone feels like looking - i posted a while back about someone just randomly breaking all contact with me. i'm wondering if indeed clingyness is detectable, they thought this of me and ran a mile, probably back to their plastic friends.... 8O


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Ilovemyaspiegirl
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21 Jan 2014, 4:00 pm

Being a woman that was married to a guy with Aspergers, I would say it's possible that something you did made you "appear" to be clingy. However, in my own personal experience, he wasn't clingy as much as he didn't always respect the personal space of others. I never really had too much of a problem with that as, I thought it was kinda cute and funny little boyish even. But, it did get rather annoying sometimes too. I was very much in love though and that was a minor thing that could be easily overlooked ignored even.

As for someone completely cutting all ties, I'm not sure if that had anything to do with clingy behavior or if maybe that person either didn't know or didn't understand the whole "Aspie" thing. Sometimes, Aspie's are just generally viewed as being "weird" or "creepy" even. It's not always a fair assessment on our parts (NTs parts that is) but, it's a fact of life unfortunately.

So I wouldn't put too much into thinking or being concerned about whether or not there's something "wrong" with your clingy ness levels. It's likely that you just haven't met the right person to accept you for who and how you are yet. But, it's good that you're attempting to be conscious of your behaviors and that's always a good thing.



jerry00
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21 Jan 2014, 4:06 pm

I worry about coming off as clingy.

If I'm talking to someone just to improve my social skills and I don't really know what I'm doing then it can feel like I'm being clingy if I go back to the same person to practice again. If I keep going up to them but we're not really "jelling" then I think that's clingyness. In the context of a relationship hugging too much or for too long looks clingy. I've made those mistakes with a girl I liked when I was about 16 or 17. At the time it was impossible for me to open up to her and state my feelings verbally, I think if I had done she would have been pleased and let me hug her more. It was like my actions weren't consistent with my words and it creeped her out. She did like me as I liked her so things could have gone well I'm sure, but I messed it up by being generally clueless and missing pretty much every single opportunity to do the "right" socially acceptable thing.



cathylynn
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21 Jan 2014, 4:33 pm

clingy is always needing reassurance that the relationship is okay, especially when to the point of not letting the partner have his/her own life.

liking hugs is affectionate and generally a positive.



Willard
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21 Jan 2014, 6:08 pm

cathylynn wrote:
clingy is always needing reassurance that the relationship is okay, especially when to the point of not letting the partner have his/her own life.



^^This has always been my understanding of the term.^^ Fearing that your SO will forget about you if you're not around, therefore "clinging onto their leg," so they can't get away from you to do anything on their own. Also referred to as "smothering." It's a form of Anxiety disorder, brought on by poor self esteem.



sly279
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22 Jan 2014, 3:39 am

cathylynn wrote:
clingy is always needing reassurance that the relationship is okay, especially when to the point of not letting the partner have his/her own life.

liking hugs is affectionate and generally a positive.


clearify please

i have been called clingy by people that i shared my anixty with such as does she still want me its been 3 weeks since i heard from her is she mad etc, but i never shared said thing with her and it was online text based so when she would just disapear i feared something happen

as for if i had a real gf i would like talking every day but i also respect space when requested and once and a while i need it too i might ask once and a while if i doing ok, though that comes more from idk what to do in a relationship or whats approaite hearing i love you once ever few days would mostly subdue any fears of losing her

i do love cuddles and hugs and hand holding

i don't require all day testing but it is nice as for in person the longest i had was 4 days and if it continued which it didn't :( idk how but it would have became necessary to continue my other interests. not that i probably have to worry about that due to no woman wanting me but how does one handle that "hey i love you and cuddling but i'd like to watch my youtube and play some games so if you could go sit over there for a few hours " i somehow see that coming off as mean



accountinglad
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23 Jan 2014, 4:50 pm

If you've ever seen in how I met your mother how clingy robins co worker Patrice is.



anneurysm
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29 Jan 2014, 9:13 pm

OP: it looks like you were taking the word "clingy" literally. In a more figurative sense, "clingy" means that you pay too much attention to the other person than they'd like to receive from you. For person who messages or calls someone all the time when the other person doesn't want that many messages

I know a few people with ASD that I'd consider clingy because they while they love being around people, they don't know how much contact is appropriate and in what context. One girl I know doesn't seem to be able to read body language and does not know when someone is done talking with her or if they are busy, and she annoys people because she keeps talking with people even when they give signals to her that they are finished talking. My mom is a librarian at the college she goes to and she'll come up to my mom even if she is busy or if she is helping another student and will just start talking. The only way she goes away is if my mom is direct with her and says something like "J, I am very busy right now and I am not interested in talking".