Anyone ever experience inconsistent behavior from people?

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johnnyboy11
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26 Jan 2014, 3:27 am

For example, I was trying to make friends with this woman on facebook. We talked for a while on there, and often we talked about going to a basketball game or something. Well, at first she agreed. Then she started saying "I'm busy" and finally it ended up with her just totally trying to get out of the situation all together. She started saying "please don't take it personal, I'm just very busy blah blah" which was an obvious brush-off.

I'm a good looking dude who happens to have mild aspergers. Everyone thinks I'm the nicest guy, but I have zero close personal friends. Why do people like this woman I mentioned above seek you out on facebook or whatever, then pull a 180? NOTHING about me changed, and yet she went from wanting to go to a game (very excited about it) to giving lame excuses why she couldn't go!

And they say WE'RE the weird ones? To me, NT's inconsistency is the only WEIRD thing. I just DON'T understand most people! Can anyone relate?



RedEnigma
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26 Jan 2014, 8:27 am

Most humans can decide whom is a viable mate within 90 seconds to 4 minutes of first meeting a person.
She decided you weren't what she was after and decided to remove herself from the situation.
Either that or she had so much anxiety she lied.



Marky9
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26 Jan 2014, 9:38 am

My experience has been that the behavior you describe is quite the norm when meeting people online.

For myself, I have found that at some point in getting to know someone online I may decide I do not want things to go further. In those cases I am grateful when the other person allows me to disengage with reasonable grace. So I try to afford others the opportunity to do the same. No harm, no foul.

I even extend this to the initial face/face for coffee, because for me until we have that first face/face meeting, all online exchanges are discountable.

If someone and I have actually gone on 3-4 real face/face dates then expectations begin to form and something more than just drifting away might be better.

But ultimately people are going to do whatever they do. My life is easier when I just roll with it.


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johnnyboy11
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27 Jan 2014, 5:01 am

RedEnigma wrote:
Most humans can decide whom is a viable mate within 90 seconds to 4 minutes of first meeting a person.
She decided you weren't what she was after and decided to remove herself from the situation.
Either that or she had so much anxiety she lied.


She decided I wasn't what she wanted without even meeting me. Good to know.



Summer_Twilight
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27 Jan 2014, 10:08 am

johnnyboy11 wrote:
For example, I was trying to make friends with this woman on facebook. We talked for a while on there, and often we talked about going to a basketball game or something. Well, at first she agreed. Then she started saying "I'm busy" and finally it ended up with her just totally trying to get out of the situation all together. She started saying "please don't take it personal, I'm just very busy blah blah" which was an obvious brush-off.

I'm a good looking dude who happens to have mild aspergers. Everyone thinks I'm the nicest guy, but I have zero close personal friends. Why do people like this woman I mentioned above seek you out on facebook or whatever, then pull a 180? NOTHING about me changed, and yet she went from wanting to go to a game (very excited about it) to giving lame excuses why she couldn't go!

And they say WE'RE the weird ones? To me, NT's inconsistency is the only WEIRD thing. I just DON'T understand most people! Can anyone relate?


It is not you but the way today's societies are raised. People say things that feel good at the time and then turn around and change their minds. It is because they revolve their actions based on feelings and themselves.


I have had people do that to me before in both NT and Aspie. These were situations where I did not meet someone online or want to date.

Examples:
1. I was associating with someone on the spectrum who kept saying things that they did not mean and appeared to bail out several times. They would say things like "I have this to do with my family because my mom made me. I will go to your next event, I promise." Then they never would commit.

-When I let them go and explained my reasons, there was this superficial response. "I wanted to meet you for coffee but I just have been so busy." Yet I would hear about this making time for this person or that meet-up group upon seeing their Facebook page.

2. Someone contacted me last summer to see if I wanted to work on a special project. I agreed to do it. We met on a few occasions to do the work. We also discussed that we would meet once a week at a certain time. When it came to doing what was promised, they said that they had to go out to town. They said that this was for work due to struggling with financial problems. "We'll meet next week, I promise." They pulled this three weeks in a row.

As for the "I'm busy," it means "I don't have time for you because I am just not interested."



legokitten
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28 Jan 2014, 6:07 am

If you are just looking for friends, perhaps she is looking for a relationship and realized after a little while that the game was not an invitation to be taken on a date. She may not want to waste her own income and time on a friendship with a man (when they generally also want to go to bed) when she is looking for a relationship.