I can't deal with coercion. What do I do?

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>Friday night
>friend of mine who thinks himself a casanova loves going to that dancing club to attempt to hook up and fail at it
>I'm slightly fat, not good looking, and my dancing skills are nil
>please don't chime in saying you want to hook up and drink
>>Hey dsfargeg, do you want to go to the dancing club to hook up and drink?
>>Nah dude.
>>Why not dsfargeg? Don't you want to be kissing hot sexy ladies and dancing close to them?
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY
>>I... I dont... don't want to g-go.
>>Are you an old man or what?
>>I... let's just... go next week?
>>OK, we'll go next week. I won't forget.

>friend of mine asks for pics of dude who doesn't likes to be featured on pictures
>in Mexico this means you're probably in the drug business
>>Hey dsfargeg, do you have that picture where your friend shows up?
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY
>>I... I... I... don't have it...
>>Don't hide it dsfargeg, you know you have it.
>>...yes I have it you know my friend doesn't likes to be on pictures

>brother has totaled two cars, currently driving a motorbike
>I'm out of town for holidays, brother is in town
>>Son, it's been raining for 4 days straight in the city. Driving on the motorbike is dangerous with rain. Can your brother borrow your car in case of bad weather?
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY WHATDOISAY
>NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I CAN'T FIND A WAY OUT
>>y... yes.

And when I actually stand up for my stuff, it comes out as incredibly forced or extremely aggressive.

>>Dsfargeg, let's join this pyramid, we can get rich!
>>Sorry man, but no. I already have a full-time job and no time to follow through on this, and no money.
>>What did they say? If you want something you're going to get a loan. You're in or not?
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH MY MONEY IS AT STAKE GOTTA DEFEND IT AT ALL COSTS
>>GOTOHELLI'MNOTIN
>>How about this? You put half the price of a Silver package and I put half. You just wait for me to return you your money and I take care of selling it. I'm basically just borrowing $300 from you. What do you say?
>>GOTOHELLI'MNOTGIVINGYOUNOTHING
>>Aw come on, don't you want to hook up with hot customers on a company-provided Mercedes?
>>GOTOHELLI'MNOTGIVINGYOUNOTHING
>>I think you have $20 grand hidden somewhere and you don't want to share them.
>>GOTOHELLI'MNOTGIVINGYOUNOTHING
>>Fine then, enjoy your money while I'm rotting in poverty.

>business trip scheduled with a partner on Sunday
>winter holidays are approaching
>trip to visit our family was scheduled for Monday
>>Son, your brother will only get one single day of vacations. We're leaving one day earlier, on Sunday. Tell your partner to reschedule your business trip.
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH I HAVE IMPORTANT BUSINESS THAT DAY I NEED TO STAND UP FOR THAT TRIP FAILURE IS NOT A CHOICE
>spend 4 hours thinking about what to say over and over and over again
>after four straight hours of thinking I pretend to leave for a little bit to make a cell phone call (no signal at home) and return
>>Dad, w... we're going t-to getsomeGPScoordinates andmypartnerneedsmetooperatetheGPS becauseitsa... a... specialoutdoorsGPS andthedudewhohasitcanonlylenditonsundays... yeah sundays...
>OK, we're leaving on Monday.

And this happens every single time I try to stand up to something or try to talk my way out of something. I just can't defend my things, can't talk my way out of doing something, and when I do it comes across as extremely forced, awkward, unbelievable and aggressive. I have Asperger's and literally need to learn how to act like a neurotypical person in these situations.

On 4chan they told me to get cognitive behavioral therapy, but the last time I went to a therapist she turned out to be a fraud who absolutely enjoyed talking about my private life and tried to get me to try some quantum mystical healing BS (which I stood up against, obviously not before delivering an entire lecture on signal theory to justify myself). Then they told me to practice a lot, but I already had a lot of chances to practice standing up for my best interests and this is why I know I just can't defend them and when I do it comes across as forced and aggressive.

I apologize in advance for greentexting outside of 4chan. I initially wrote this on /fit/ and with everything I've written I seriously cannot be bothered with rewriting the whole thing.

Last edited by dsfargeg on 28 Jan 2014, 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Are the caps you responding or you thinking?

Sorry, forgot to clarify...

>single greentext means thoughts or stuff that is happening
>>double greentext means stuff being said

So yeah, some of the caps were stuff I answered back, some were my thoughts.

Also, /r9k/ has narrowed it down that I can't deal with coercion for the life of me and I cave in instantly. They suggested me to just keep blurting whatever I can say as long as it means I'm standing my ground. What else can I do? I'm sure there can be a better answer...

It comes down to this: You're afraid you're wrong when you disagree. Yes, every fiber in your brain tells you you're right, but the fact that someone is pressing you so hard reminds of you of all the times you WERE wrong and/or all the people who loudly told you you were wrong (even if it later turned out you were right) and after all, if they're THAT adamant about it, you think to yourself, maybe they're right?

Once again, it all comes down to self-esteem. We grow up being "wrong" about so many things because we're judged by people who didn't get how we think and couldn't be bothered to translate for us. WE don't get angry and emotional about inconsequential things, so if someone else does, we think it must be REALLY important and that person must be right. But NT's DO get emotional and pushy about inconsequential things and make us think they're right by pushing us hard to get it. But you have to weather the storm, so to speak, and remember YOU ARE RIGHT and HE IS WRONG. No need to get stressed about someone else's wrongness. Don't get caught up in someone else's drama.

took me a long time to stop doubting myself and assuming I was always wrong when confronted with another opinion. The first step is admitting you DON'T have a problem.

Well, I wasn't terribly wrong when I did a mistake... but problem is, I ended up with the impression that being wrong in my family is VERBOTEN. I remember one of my greatest mistakes in life to be changing a punctured tire without realizing that the replacement tire was punctured as well. Charges: not giving a damn about the car, not checking the replacement tire because that's common sense and asking about it is a question that offends because it implies you're stupid, and being reckless and ignorant. Punishment: car grounded for 2 months during classes while living 5 miles away from the nearest bus.

Another huge mistake I remember doing was leaving the house's lights on. Charges: not giving a damn about the house, not caring about the bloated power bill (fyi I'm the one who foots it nowadays and although it's pretty huge I happily pay it), and being a wasteful a**hole. Punishment: car grounded and enforced blackout for 2 days while in the middle of college finals, I ran away to college and slept there for 2 nights.

Basically, my parents killed my self-esteem with harsh, disproportionate punishment.

This is also why I so desperately want to get away from home. I'm an UNIX system administrator at a megacorporation already. The fact that I have an extremely hard time saving for moving out into my own place really, really, really makes things more difficult.


So, do I just keep standing my ground however I can manage to do so? I'm not sure if blurting "GOTOHELL GOTOHELL GOTOHELL" is the way to do so, but it sounds like a start...

Just a tip:
"GOTOHELLI'MNOTGIVINGYOUNOTHING" means "Go to hell. I'm not giving you nothing", but it should mean "Go to hell. I'm not giving you anything".

If anger is the only thing that keeps you from caving in, then use it. It's better to calmly say no until they accept it, but it's worse to betray yourself for the sake of someone else's wants.

If they keep asking after you've clearly said no, the correct response is "f**k off".