saying 'hello'

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It has recently been brought to my attention that some people think I'm unfriendly because I 'never say hello.' That isn't true at all - I always say hello back when someone says hello to me. However, there seem to be situations in which I am supposed to be the one to say hello first. What are the rules on this? Is it a dominance issue - the less dominant person says hello first, or vice versa? Or something else entirely? Also, if you are approaching someone from a distance and can see them for some time before you reach them, at what distance do you say hello, nod, or whatever?

I've earned the reputation at work of being too good to talk to the people who don't know me that well, because of this specific issue. I have tried a few times to initiate the "hello" sequence of conversation, only to have it abruptly end with no response from the other individual. It infuriates me to be ignored in this fashion, especially knowing the effort I put into engaging in something so frivolous. Because of this, I'm happy to continue saying hello only when spoken to. I'm sorry I don't have anything helpful to offer you, lol.

I hate when random people say hi to me.

I also have nothing to offer other than to say it baffles me too. Especially the "pass each other in the hallway, at what distance do you interact" type thing.

I guess I have taken the same general approach that you have: if someone wants to say hi to me, they will, and I will respond positively. If they don't say hi, then I don't. Of course, I realize they may be using this same strategy. Or that in general it doesn't seem to work that well for me.

But if I don't take that approach right now, I just agonize over every situation that comes up, and I can't spare the emotional energy at this time.

I wish there were some sort of training video we could watch With situations like this broken down and explained

Best of luck, though. Have you tried any other strategies?

I worked out a technique that works pretty much every time for me, dunno if you guys could make use of it. When I'm walking (normally during hikes in the woods) and I come across someone on the path ahead (about 6-7 meters away) I typically raise my head to look at their face for almost exactly one second, I'll then lower my head back and when we are about 2 meters away from each other I'll begin to raise my head and then glance at their face and say "hey" or "aye-aye" (as is the custom here) after which whether they say "hi" back or not is irrelevant but I usually get a response, and then I just walk on. The more you do it the easier it becomes and people start to know your face and will say "hi" straight off the bat.

Hope it helps .

I got into trouble for the same thing when I started my last job. I had to get into the habit of saying hi to people or at least smiling at them as we passed in the halls and to saying "hello" or "good morning" to the room if there was anyone in it when I arrived and "Good Night" to the room if there was anyone in it when I left. Now, it feels like I say "hi" too often to people as we pass, but I'm not really sure.

Don't worry about it. I never say hello either. I will say hi to someone I feel comfortable with if they say hello first but otherwise I keep quiet. I might say hello if I'm feeling forced, like if a cashier is giving eye contact and I make eye contact also. I tend to keep my head down though and just mumble something if cashiers speak to me.

This is something I have a lot of difficulty with at school. Which people are you supposed to acknowledge and how? Is a nod enough or is a smile and brief greeting more appropriate? And is it okay to ignore them if you pass them in the halls later the same day? The situation that really throws me is when I accidentally make eye contact with someone I don't really know personally, but pass in the hallways frequently. Do I nod or smile or say something or what? It's so complicated!

When I go out grocery shopping or running errands or whatever, I make sure to wear particularly messy clothing and don't bother to brush my hair because it seems to discourage conversation and fewer strangers approach me or attempt to engage in conversation in the checkout line. They also keep their children away from me. Of course, this is only a good strategy because I'm a young and reasonably attractive woman. When I get older, people might start viewing me as a crazy old homeless lady and my plan will backfire because I'll start attracting the attention of security guards and whatnot.

I wonder if wearing tinted glasses at school would help reduce the number of people I accidentally make eye contact with thereby reducing the number of people I have to interact with at school? Does it even work that way? It sounds wearing like tinted glasses is a good way to reduce visual stimulation in general, and I wear glasses anyway.

Oh yea this is something I do also sort of. I have a hooded jacket that I wear absolutely everywhere and the hood is always up. It discourages anyone from talking to me except those that have seen me often and know I'm not some crazy person. If I feel like talking I won't have the hood up but will still bring the jacket along, even if it's scorching hot.

I was biking with some family members in some rural woods, and when some other people on their bikes passed by, either they or my family said 'hello', followed by the same as a response from the other, before then continuing on their bikes.

What is the point of saying hello if you're not even going to talk..? O_o
Assuming 'Hello' signifies that you have acknowledged someone, what's the point in letting complete strangers know that you've acknowledged them..?

Generally I don't greet people, I just go straight into what I wish to say, though If someone says hello to me i'll usually reply with 'salutations'.
Salutations sounds better than just 'hello'.

Last edited by Sol-IV on 05 Jun 2010, 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

EDIT: Oh, and i'm specifically talking about situations at work.
_

If i see someone first, i say hello to them. If they does not respond, i assume they are not interested in talking to me at the moment.

If there is a door in the way (with see-through) glass, i acknowledge any signal they give (wave hand or such), but i do not scream "HELLOOOOO!" through it, and wait till i've opened the door.

And i have noticed that some people just do not want to say hello even if they look at you (some are very shy even if they do not act so in other situations), and you just have to accept that. I'm perfectly fine with people not saying hello to me... i cannot care less.

Though, it is generally a good thing to acknowledge to your coworkers that "I have arrived" or "I'm going home" with such a verbal phrase as "Hello" or "Goodbye", then they know if you are around or not. For some, this is called respect, for me it is called practicality.

Last edited by Ichinin on 06 Jun 2010, 3:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I suspect that some people crave human contact, even with strangers, even just acknowledging one another's existence. It's got something to do with the joy of being around one's fellow man, something to do with reciprocity (people like to have their existence acknowledged so they do so to others), and maybe something to do with identifying threats (if someone gives out a hearty and happy "hello" they're less likely to be a predator.)

Of course this is all just me guessing how other people's brains work. I don't identify with any of the above but have theorized it from trying to suss out why other people do the things they do.

What you just said is the exact same thing I do. I can never figure out the hello thing. If no one says it to me, I won't say anything. If they do say hello, I always try to be polite and answer back. Starting conversations has always been the hard part. I only talk to someone if it's necessary.

Yep, I understand. This girl told my sister that I was a ____ because I did not say hi to her. (i knew her in public school, and my sister knows her from other things) that was said over instant messaging though. It hurt my feelings and I wanted to explain to her that I didn't mean to come across as unfriendly or rude, but she refused to talk to me.....oh well. I just dont want people thinking im rude.

I will say hello when I feel comfortable- In the instance above I was not.

My experience has been that it can be both situational and cultural.

I am from the southern U.S., and in smaller towns it is more customary to give some nod of acknowledgment when passing someone on the street or other casual setting. But in the workplace I find people from all over the world and that have different social customs. There I rely more on whether initial eye contact is made before initiating a nod or word of greeting.

I think it varies across situations. The easiest way to do it seems to be to smile or make eye contact with someone you know if they're not focused on paperwork or a computer, and if they react to greet them. Noticing them in this or a similar way is an acknowledgement, which is a little bit like a greeting. People who aren't ever noticed or greeted get the impression that they're "invisible" or even disliked in a setting because no one reacts to their presence or seeks them out.

People walking past me usually make eye contact at around 10-20 feet, so I'd assume about that distance.