Is this rude of me?

Post Reply New Topic

*I'm only focusing on my daughter with this because I've been experiencing it with her lately......although I have gotten it from other people in the past*

To make it short - I have asked that she please stop telling me I am "talking too loud", "screaming",.....etc. My reasons being that it's a waste of time.....I can't hear myself the way others do, and it just upsets/frustrates me because if I actively try to talk quietly, then I get complaints that I need to speak up. (unless I am actively shouting, I would NOT be able to hear a difference in the volume of my voice....if that makes any sense)

I'm guessing that when you speak softly, you are too monotone. Loud talkers make you seem boisterous. People don't like it when I'm loud either. I have a voice that can fill up a large noisey room. A speakers voice all the way.

Common problem for Aspergians, that we have trouble regulating the volume of our voices - especially when we start to get excited or emotional.

My answer is yes, although I'm not sure that "rude" is the word I would use. Presumably, people are alerting you to the volume of your voice so that you will alter it to suit their comfort level, which you ought to do if you wish to speak to them. It is not a waste of time for them to try to make the conversation more comfortable for themselves. Even if you can't hear yourself the way others do, you could take their advice and at least try to modulate the volume of your voice with their feedback. In fact, given that you can't hear the volume of your voice the way others do, them telling you when you are too loud or soft is not only not a waste of time, it is indispensable, because you're unlikely to figure out on your own how to modulate your voice. They are helping you.

Well, part of the issue with my daughter is that she will say I am "screaming" when what she really means is "angry tone of voice"........I see this as being two different things, so it's hard to tell what I do/do not need to work on. (but this is just my opinion)

How old is your daughter? If she's really young, it's probably a better idea to talk to an adult about it. Someone who you can rely on to help you. It may not be easy but maybe you can find a level everyone is comfortable with, through practicing in front of another person. It sounds like you. A nice middle ground exists, you just have to find it.
Have you always been this way?

To answer the first question - my daughter is 16.

For the second question - I did have speech therapy when I was younger, but it was because I couldn't pronounce "ch" or "sh" sounds.....not sure if voice modulation was ever mentioned. I also remember that occasionally I would get teased about "talking through my nose", but I could never hear myself doing that.