Leaving a trail of social destruction in your wake

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Everywhere I go I seem to leave a trail of social wreckage in my wake. Its like im a huge cloven hoofed Pan galloping through a city made of china. At least thats how I feel. I have literally hundreds of people dotted throughout the UK who think im 100% freak.

The worst part is that I am at heart an extrovert and that part of me is so strong that it manifests itself in bizarre ways that im not aware of until later reflection.

Does anyone else have similar "social leprosy". I dont mean being considered a "little weird". Im talking people you know crossing the road or hiding their face when they see you.How the hell do you deal with it. Usually I shrug it off but im up at night with this carnival of social horror in my head. Mornings are no better.

I'm also in the UK. Yes, I get the feeling that I am trapped in a loop and my social mishaps seem to go in cycles.
I think this is improving now though, but only with a lot of effort. In my experience there are certain people who don't mind the social awkwardness and seem to just have a very friendly personality.
But there is a trail of wreckage behind me as well. I don't have the social leprosy though because its usually me that cuts them out.
I wish I could offer you some helpful advice, but I can't, if I knew what to do I certainly wouldn't be on this site.

I dont think theres anything we can necessarily do about it. Its how we cope with it. I usually have a really tough hide. If you knew some of the things. For the past few months ive really slipped into a sort of sustained despair. I didnt even really realise it. I was going for a week without washing never brushing my teeth suicidal etc. Im properly medicated (sort of) now and its lifted the veil somewhat and so im starting to realise that I need to brush my teeth because theyre disgusting and I smell and my room is a state and so on and so forth.With that increased self real realisation comes the understanding that other people will react to these things too. Then comes that all encompassing cringe that makes you just want to tear a hole in the fabric of the universe and step through into a parallel world where you were never born. New life new start

I don't bond with people. I also use people. The trail I leave is broken relationships. I just stop talking to people. A lot of people feel rejected by me. I feel bad about it. I can't help who I am though.

I have also offended a lot of people by being so outspoken about my beliefs. People get upset when you threaten their belief systems = instant enemies. I am pretty controversial without necessarily meaning to be. I am just a slow learner when it comes to keeping your thoughts to yourself. This is also something that has caused me to unintentional isolate myself.

I gotta be honest. The older I get, the less that I want to even try to socialize with people on more than just a superficial level. It never seems to work out. I end up hurting people unknowingly or because I can't be what they expect me to be. A lot of times I step into situations that are bad because I am so naïve, don't realize what is happening (especially romantic situations).

Im pretty much there already. Im too damaged to sustain a relationship. I reek of submissiveness and docility. Im at the stage where every time I feel myself wanting to impress person A or wanting to be liked by person B I check myself. Im attempting to condition myself to be totally self sufficient.

Has anyone else gotten there yet? Achieved total self sufficiency emotionally I mean