What if I can't bond with other Aspies either?

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I recently met with some AS people and though I could relate with them on some level I felt like there was a bigger wall between us than with NTs. I wondered how I could be diagnosed so late in life but the gap between the severity of my issues and their issues seems huge. I felt like I lived in a completely different world, solely based on severity. People ask me for advice and I don't know what to tell them. I haven't mastered anything, I was just born different and it's the same relationship I have with NTs in certain situations. Based on the way their families reacted when I introduced myself you would've thought I was the one eyed man in the land of the blind. I found that so depressing.

We ended up talking about relationships and most of the parents thought that dating an AS chick would be a good idea. I thought it was a horrible idea because neither of us would be stable and only amplify each others problems. Some of the moms mentioned that their sons always attracted women who wanted to use them and asked me for advice. I told them that I experienced the same thing and it wasn't necessarily AS related because my NT friends have issues as well. Later on someone suggested group dates as ways to get to know women which I agreed with. When asked for commentary I pointed out how many of us (men in general) had divorced parents and were cautious about relationships especially when it came to spending money in the early stages. AS people or anyone else with persistent employment issues are really sensitive to the costs of dating and therefore I'd only "date" for little or no cost, otherwise I'd pass on the opportunity. Just like that the support disappeared. These women had no idea what kind of world their sons live in and the men just remained silent.

What now?

Is this a question about dating or making friends? Or both?

I was drawn to this thread because I am not sure if I bond very well with other people. I have one or two friends that I feel close to, but I don't have a normal friendship with them. I don't want to see them every week. These women are ok with that. They don't like to see friends every week either, so we get on ok on our own terms. My family are like that too.

On rare occassions I find that someone wants to be my friend and I don't want to have as much contact with them as they want to have with me. They don't stay my friend because (I assume) they think that I don't like them. I do like them, I just don't want to see them all the time. Once in a while is fine for me.

I guess you just need to find someone that you work well with. I tend to be more drawn to patient, open-minded people. I find that they are more accepting of quirky people.

You ask "what now?" What do you want to happen? What direction do you want to go in?

Making friends.



I wanna make friends with higher functioning Aspies, and get advice about how to cope when you're almost mainstream but still have AS issues. NTs have zero tolerance for ANY AS traits and I'm highly skilled and want a regular job.

I had my fair share of problems when I was trying to be friends with another guy that also has Aspergers. Basically, we had common ground as we both played the same video games, hung out and had the same classes. And yes, I agree that sometimes there are pretty big walls between us, especially when it came to treating situations and the matter of pessimism and optimism. He was more optimistic and I was more pessimistic.

So essentially, we still kept in touch, but just less than we initially did in our first year of college. Pretty much, I think hurtloam made a good point, making friends with others that are closer and compatible with you.


Speaking of people 'using' others, I had similar experiences as well, I sometimes figured that some of the so called 'friends' or so aren't truly are really friends but just there for a certain trait and when that power/incentive is no more, then they no longer become friends..

If you are looking for a friend who gets you and you could get along with try looking for someone who has a mild mental condition e.g. my best friend is dyslexic (and has some other learning disability I cant figure out) but he was the star cross country athlete. We don't judge each other and we help each other out such as I help him read and help him out with other academic work and he helps me out with manual labor around the house ( gardening and renovation projects) we have a brain and brawn relationship but we have a lot of things we do in our pass time that we spend our weekend together alot.