I'm always the initiator with my friends

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Either it's the nature of my social circle, or that I've trained them into it, but (unless it's something massive, like a birthday party) I find myself always being the one to do the asking out. Many of my friends have busy lives, so I guess it takes a load off them if someone else makes the plans. However, I could let a month (or more) go by, and no one will reach out to me - Then I start to panic and question if I'm really important to anyone or not.

I do not think my friends are "fake", and I do believe I feel important to them when they ask personal questions about me, involve me in activities, and share very personal details about their lives (without me having to probe them). In other words, I figure that if I'm privy to such information as their salary, then I must be a very close friend. I get told that my company is appreciated and so forth...

Do you think it would be weird to express to them, "I would like it if you could be the initiator sometimes"? Or is there a better way to express this desire? Or just accept that I'm stuck in this role?

Or maybe there's something I could be doing to make myself "sought after"?

Do they initiate each other? Or do you witness them hanging around often together in places without letting you know?

I wouldn't say anything direct.

I would maybe say "I'm busy today--maybe we can plan the party tomorrow?" or something of that ilk.

If you happen to like initiating, then why not continue to do so?

They quite happily share their experiences of outings/activities that don't involve me.

Yes, that's cliquish behavior.

It's only impolite, though, if they deliberately don't involve you in these social events.

I have a belief that friends should take turns in making the plans to go out. Also, I get really anxious when a long period of time goes by, and no one expresses interest in catching up with me.

I see what you mean: what's fair is fair.

But I wouldn't put a system in my mind--whereby I'll plan this Tuesday, and Pamela will plan this Wednesday. I would "go with the flow" more. I think that approach is doomed to failure--because people have different personalities.

In any social circle, there are those who are more assertive, and those who are less so. Maybe you happen to be the more assertive one--so you are more the "leader" of the group--hence, you initiate more. Others might not have the leadership qualities that you have. They might not want to "put themselves" out there out of fear of embarrassment.

This has been my experience too, so I know exactly what you mean. Unless I keep in touch with people I rarely hear from them for months, sometimes longer. If I wait for them to initiate something it will probably never happen. On the other hand I tend to be solitary, and the nature of my work (which I do at home) imposes a lot of isolation, so this exacerbates the situation.

Your friends probably have very busy professional and social lives in which they constantly spend time with other people in offices and at meetings etc, a situation that generates a lot of spontaneous interaction, although mostly of the superficial kind. If you are like me you prefer friendships to be on a more profound level. Many people, particularly NTs, find it difficult to handle relationships of that kind and try to keep them to a minimum.

It can be frustrating to have to make the running all the time. Often I can't be bothered.

Yes I do prefer to have friendships on a profound level - Rather than the people who are "just work friends" or "we are only friends at [insert activity here]". I like my friendships to have meaning.

Thanks for the responses guys. I guess there's nothing really "wrong" with me being the initiator.

I have this same problem. In most of my friendships, if I don't initiate, then...nothing! It is incredibly frustrating to me. I am confident in a couple of these friendships, but many times if a stretch of time goes by and I don't hear from people, I wonder if it is because they don't like me.

I am busy, too! So what if these other people are busy. Me too! So, why can't the favor be returned? It takes me time and effort to initiate with people, and I don't find it easy. When it is left up to me, I get very tired. It is not that I don't *want* to initiate anymore, but trying to keep up the friendship all on my own is exhausting. Sometimes, I want these people to reach into my busy life and lift me up once in a while. Instead, they seem to want me to be as busy as they are (or more so) and still do all the work of staying in contact.

If I continue to invite these people out, and they keep saying "yes" (or "not now, but I am free on this date") - And not making lame-*** excuses - Then can I assume they want to keep me in their lives?